Do some of you really think you can't bond with anyone other than your bio parents. ?

It's just a different type of bond.

Call it attachment - call it a bond - whatever - it's just different.

It still can be very strong - but it's just different.

I love my adoptive parents with all of my heart and soul.

I still cry for the loss of my a-mum - and she died when I was 18. We had an incredible relationship - I miss her daily.

But I myself just have this internal pull towards by birth family.

A need to know who I look like - where my talents come from - why I was relinquished etc etc.

It's not reflective of either relationships - how the other is.

It just is.

I'm not saying it's stronger - I'm not saying all adoptees feel what I feel.

I'm just saying - that for me - it's different.

I guess I didn't fully realise that until I gave birth to three of my own. (I had my first when I was 26 - and it changed my thinking forever)

It's just different.

GREAT that you're reading.

Reading - learning - and keeping an open mind - those are probably THE most important things PAPs and APs can ever do.

And understanding that it's all so very complicated - but that's OK.

Life is complicated. Adoption just adds another layer!!

Here is another website with some great articles for PAPs and APs -

http://www.quantumparenting.com/

ETA: and to the poster below me - new research out does point towards infants in utero knowing who their mother is. The first year of life is critical in child development - some even say up to 7 yrs.

Again - check the above website - and look into psychological research that is out their on the human psych from before birth.

Just because a baby can't voice what is going on - doesn't mean that they don't feel the pain of separation and /or stress around them.

According to dictionary.com, the difference between attachment and bonding is that "bonding" is able to occur as part of a natural, biological process, where you are already "one" (as in the case with pregnancy); whereas attachment occurs when you "become a part of", which would happen in the case of adoption.

This was what I gathered from the definitions, anyway. In the definition for "attach", nothing was mentioned about biology, pregnancy, or any natural process. The definition for "bond" did mention these things, a few times.

It's not that adoptees aren't able to love their adoptive parents - but that they are unable to have the bond created in the womb, because they never WERE in their adoptive mother's womb.

I'm mulling this one over.

I have one biological child. I remember that mere seconds after giving birth, when he was being cleaned off and crying, I started talking to him. He quieted and immediately started looking toward me and the nurse said, "He knows that voice!"

So yes, I absolutely believe there is a bond that forms in the womb.

But I have two adopted children (adopted at school-age stage) and I have a bond with them, as well. I know when one of them wakes up in the night and coughs and I'm up, down the hall and in their room. I know when one is up with a nightmare before even being called for and again, I'm up, down the hall and in the bedroom.

I feel as "attuned" to them as I do to my biological son.

So one bond took 9 months to develop in the womb, one developed over time in the home. But bonding/attachment is still there.

ETA: I think what APs and PAPs have been reading into this question is: Adopted children cannot love their adopted parents, or cannot love them as much as they love their biological parents. While some people may believe that is true, I don't think that's held by the majority.

Acknowledging that there is a maternal-child bond created by biology is not discounting the bond between adoptive parent-child.

Honestly I am an adoptee (22 y/o) and when I got in touch with my bio. parents, I didn't know what to say. I didn't feel connected and I didn't know what to say. Now, 3 1/2 years later I'm trying to get in touch again but I still don't know what to expect. I was adopted at one month old and I only had one picture of me as a newborn in my bio. parent's arms. I don't even remember the moment when my parents told me that I was adopted. In my memory, it's just something I grew up knowing, and that has definitely been a positive for me. I love my parents (adoptive parents, to me they're just my parents) and my younger sister (the child they had together after doctors told them they could not have a baby). I definitely bonded with my family, so it is definitely possible. I never felt I was lacking anything, though I've always been curious. It was a private adoption through lawyers, so my adoptive parents knew their names and my grandma always promised to tell me about them (my grandma gave my birth mom pics of me growing up) but she died a couple years before I turned 18, so that was sad for me.

I have always felt bonded to my adoptive parents.

But at the same time, I did not come out of my adoptive mother's womb. Those 9 months in my biological mother do account for something - both physically and psychologically.

Bonding starts in the womb.

That doesn't mean we can't form attachments to others later in life though. I'm very much a part of my adoptive family and adore them but at the same time I never bonded with my adoptive mother in her womb.

Bonding and attachment are different but similar, I guess.

Having given birth to three of my own and reconnected with my natural mother, I have a deeper understanding now than I ever had before.

good book. I recommend that one often.

Yes, I believe that bonding happens between mother and child, and attachment happens in all other relations of the human. Its a figure of speech. Its a different bonding. When the child is born, the only things the child want, are that in which the mother can only provide. There are not substitutes for that. Every scent is fullfilled by that of the mother. Because they have bonded, in a way the child will not bond with anyone else. Its different.

Do the research. Heres an idea, try and prove to me, scientifically prove to me otherwise. Maybe I'm wrong, lets see. Either way you'll learn something and most likely I will too. Go for it!

all three of you start keeping diaries of all bullying incidents (Including stories of past incidents) e-mail them to a friend in case your computer files are destroyed. Let Susan beat you up good and dial 911 Get taken to the hospital and your parents will HAVE to admit there is a problem. there will be a hospital bill and police report. or wait till she hits you and and call 911. get witnesses, your little sisters "yeah she hits my sister all the time!" If she steals or destroys something of yours, you can call the police. tell them your house has been robbed. your parents will be pissed but what can they do if you come home and find something missing and they are not there? why, of course, you call the police. Isn't that what they taught you? talk to your counselor at school. call from your grandparents' house. call the school and ask when she will be in, (they come in during the summer. sometimes) get her to talk to you NOW some schools do not care about bullying, but the police will be interested if she hits you steals from you, or threatens you.. Good luck honey, as you can probably tell, I hate bullies remember if she hits you, shriek really loudly and fall on the ground crying. have sister dial 911 in terror. If the bullying gets bad, call child protective services. I hate bullies and enablers.

I was raised by my bio mother and my "step" father from the ages of 2 (1966) to 11 years old, which was when they divorced. I have always considered my "step" father my Daddy, still do. It is my bio mother whom I can't connect with, never been able to. For some reason she just doesn't seem to like me. I have a 1/2 step-brother and she absolutely adores him! My "step" father and I share so much and love each other dearly. In fact, I don't know what I would have ever done without him! My mother is not a real warm, nice person and my "step" father is. I am incredibly grateful to have him in my life. I am thankful that I was not raised solely by my mother.

I am adopted and have 2 adopted children, and I bonded with adoptive mom and dad, and my kids bonded with me. My husband was raised by his biological family , and if i had the time to share some stories you would see that being raised in a bio family does not necessarily mean that you will bond. I knew that my birth mom loved me, and I know that the birth moms of my 2 kids loved them because they chose life. We were not abandoned. I know some people disagree with me. If they had abandoned us, we would have been aborted or left somewhere without providing a home for us.