How Am I Supposed To Get Anywhere? (Child Support)?

Question

Okay, my ex and I are getting a divorce, and she has primary custody of our 3-year-old daughter. She originally cheated on me, which is why we split up, and has had the guy living with her everywhere she goes. She got pregnant by him one month after we split up.

At the first court hearing she was ordered not to have him, or any other males, living with her. But she has a baby with him, and the court knows that he lives with her now. WTF?!

Now, I'm paying child support. Don't get me wrong -- I don't mind paying. It means that my child will have what she needs at the times I don't have her here with me.

But my ex doesn't have a job, nor is she trying to. Her lil' boyfriend works, but she just got an income-based apartment paying rent based on child support. And they don't know her boyfriend is living there, 'cause he's working and they don't want the apts. to know it, so they pay less rent.

I'm stuck paying ~21% of my gross income, at $8/hr. - 40hrs./wk., while she doesn't work and doesn't pay much of anything for rent. While she sits back and cheats the ******* system.

She's a greedy ***** -- there's no doubt about that. But I can't bring all this up because there is no way to get solid proof of it ... which is what the court WANTS before I try to take it to court.

How am I supposed to do something with my life if I'm going to be paying 21% of my gross income weekly?

They said my payments would go down when we have the final hearing and I have more visitation ... which is what I want, whether I'm ordered to pay or not.I want my little girl as much as they can possibly allow me to have her.

And they said my payments would go down when my ex gets a job. But, because her boyfriend works, his income isn't reported, and I'm paying her child support, she isn't going to get a job. Because she's beyond lazy and doesn't want to work for anything she has. She always wants to depend on someone else.

How am I supposed to fix all this bullshit? She's seriously going to drive me crazy, and I'll end up doing something to get in trouble. I don't wanna spend the rest of my life without ever seeing my daughter again. But she's REALLY pushing me. HELP! =P

Thanks In Advance!

Mia · Accepted Answer

This is a tough one.  First and foremost, think about your daughter.  Animosity is not good for her.  Secondly, What you need to do is document that he is living there.  Gather photos of his vehicle being there and notate the time in which the photo is taken.  You can then make a complaint with the apartment manager concerning him living in the dwelling, which I am sure is a violation of her lease agreement.

Secondly, if she is on any kind of public assistance, she is required to look for work.  Your child support is not contingent on her getting a job.  Its based on your income.  

Have you thought of seeking custody of your daughter and make her pay for child support?  Perhaps you should look into that

trouble_11668 · Answer

Well, here is your answer....quit worrying about what she is doing, saying, screwing, not doing, etc. You cannot change another person you can only change yourself.  

Now, sit back and thank God you got away from her and feel sorry for the other guy that didn't. 

Document everything in a non-emotional way, only the facts and not your opinion (opinions are like assholes, everyone has one but no one wants to see/smell/hear someone else's) Take this to your attorney. 

The child support is based on what both of you make or has the potential to earn. Just remember tho, if she goes to work her child support may be less but you will have to pay 50% of her daycare when she is at work. Also, you will have to pay for 50% of all med/dental etc.

Your child support may seem high right now but you will earn more as time goes on and you will become accustom. It takes some time to get back on your feet, financially.

Cham · Answer

I went through something very similar with my ex, using the system and living off of my hard earned money. I simply reported her to all of the governing agencies. I can guarantee you that if you know that he's living there, the complex management can simply go into her apartment and search for items such as clothes that belong to a male etc...and she'll get booted, or they'll make him leave.

If there is an injunction on the boyfriend, then you need to get the necessary evidence by taking time out of your own day to conduct surveillance on the apartment and get the evidence. I had to do this, and it worked...but then I ended up wasting my time cause the idiot admitted to violating the order once she got on the stand.

Anonymous · Answer

IF you live in Texas, please email me. my best friend works for the senator and i can get all your questions answered. if you don't live here, you might want to consult a lawyer/ or your local senator's office. Your totally right, you shouldn't have to pay that much if she doesn't have a job. Have you thought about getting custody of your daughter. It will be a great sacrifice on your part but it will be worth knowing that your daughter is well taken take of and in a great home. Think about it. Good Luck.

Anonymous · Answer

I would bring up that she isn't working and is solely living off of your child support. Then bring up that she has to be spending all of the cs on her bills instead of on your daughter. Maybe she will have to get a job or let out her secret to keep from getting one. If she wants to play those cards, use them against her. 

You should look into it, but you should still be able to access most of her records since you are still legally her husband.

THEMrsMinLa&amp;Momof2 · Answer

Well if you wanted to get down and dirty, you could send someone over there and video the fact her lil twit is living with her and send it to the place that rents those apts.

BUT, will that hurt your dau?  Prolly!!

Other than that, take care of your dau and don't worry that your ex is a dumb***, it's your baby's mother!!

Just keep doing what you're doing and be a good supportive daddy, your dau needs that from you..

box of rain · Answer

You cannot "fix" her or all this BS. 

As an adult your life will be a series of lessons learned combined with doing the best you can with the mistakes you have already made that cannot be fixed.

So get to it and do the best you can with what you have...

...just like the rest of us.

Now go to college. Get a degree and a career, and better yourself!

Sufi · Answer

you can't fix it, and being angry about it is ruining your life.  figure out how to survive on the income left after you pay it.  forgive and lift your life out of anger.  it will ruin your life AGAIN.  it was your choice to have a child with this person and you are stuck with the consequenses forever.  sorry.

Anonymous · Answer

You can hire a private investigator for one.

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How Am I Supposed To Get Anywhere? (Child Support)?

9 Answers