how important are looks?

I totally understand how you feel. The agency in the country we adopted from doesn't allow pap's to see a photo until they accept the referral. They get the social, medical history report and accept on that. I will say, having gone through the process, I understand really wanting to know what my child will look like, as I'm sure biological parents do to while they're waiting. We didn't accept on a picture, but I felt so much better after seeing the picture and having an image of a specific child in my head, not just because she was beautiful. It was a newborn picture, and she had a cleft lip, so it's not like it was a gorgeous photo, nor did I expect to really know from it what she would really look like, but I finally had a picture of my child, and I felt much more settled.

I don't know how I feel about the photo listings. It's the only way some children find families because it puts a face to a "special needs" child that people wouldn't be drawn to from a description of their "problems", but I would feel weird "picking" a child from a photo listing myself. What's even more disturbing to me is the international adoption programs where you wait in line to be invited to the country to "pick" your child from a photo book and then meet them. I couldn't do it, and the children who aren't found to be the most attractive, or maybe they just didn't have a great picture, don't get picked.

For the poster that wrote "I'm going to select my baby based on pictures if I have to adopt", you need to understand that the children they are talking about on photo-listings are "hard to place" older children, not babies. You would not be able to "pick" a baby from a stack of photos, infact their are far more adoptive parents hoping to adopt domestically then there are expectant women planning to place their child for adoption. The e-mom chooses the adoptive family in domestic adoption and in international adoption a social worker will "match" the baby with a family (except for some special needs adoptions) The adoptive parents don't get to select whichever baby they feel would "fit-in" appearence-wise with their family.

I think that for some people, it's not so much the looks themselves, as needing something tangible... something physical to start with, to make the child more real to them. I think the connection starts for some people when the child is an actual person in a photo rather than just an abstract idea, or words on paper. The photo shows a real live human being, who could become your child, not just an idea pulled from thin air. I think for some people, it's about finding a connection.

I definitely think this can get icky, and it can get into something too much like catalogue shopping. I'm not saying it's always a good and positive thing. Looks are a bad, bad reason to choose to bring a child into your home. Compatibility is much more important.

I just think that for some people who are more visually oriented (I am not personally among those people,) having photos may make it easier to imagine a child in their home, rather than just having this abstract idea of some random child out there. Not arguing for or against it here, just suggesting it as one possible motivation.

Personality

Sometimes adoptive families want children of different races or sometimes they want children who look like them so they don't feel left out.

Both my brother and sister were adopted and they are both different races than us. But we never saw a picture of either one of them and it makes no difference how they look.

Don't let a few dumb people who are so concerned with how a child looks bring you down. For the most part, people don't base their choice on looks.

It does sound like catalogue shopping doesn't it?

We adopted from China and despite what some people in my life thought, they do not send you pictures of a bunch of kids where you get to pick the one you want. There were no options. We were sent her picture and told this is the child that the CCAA chose for you. And personally, I think that's the way it should be. The CCAA read all of our paperwork and decided that we would be the right parents for Baby Girl.

As for the "love at first sight photo argument", hubby and I are prime examples that it does happen. We fell completely in love. We were also in love with the "idea of her" while we were waiting for referral in the first place. The photo just put a real human face onto it. We fell in love for sure. Hard.

I think it's important that someone be able to choose their children.Granted they cannot choose their biological children, it is different with adoptive children.When I adopted my daughter, i looked through a photolisting.i wasnt looking for anything in particular.

i was waiting to see the child that "felt right".it wouldnt have worked any other way.

i do think some people do it for looks which i dont agree with but it has to feel right.

i was adopted and i was chosen from 5 other babies from a photolisting.i dont feel like i was sold in a catalog.i feel special that they chose me when they had a choice of 4 other babies.

I agree with you. If you want a child are looks really that important, same with disabilities? I mean you take your chances when you are pregnant so what is the difference when you adopt? You want a child and it shouldn't matter. If I couldn't have my own child then I wouldn't care what my adopted child looks like or what disabilities they have!! A child is a child you love them for who they are not how they look.

I agree. Where I live they put the pictures of children, lovely, high-quality professional portraits of them, on display in the malls and libraries. I find it disgusting! I am appalled at the thought of some pervert seeing them on display. I hate the idea of the children who are selected knowing they were chosen in this meat-market manner. But, even more so, I hate the idea of the ones who weren't picked, who weren't pretty enough, or attractive enough or will forever wonder why they were not good enough and it will be based on a picture...

well in regards to adoption some parents would like to choose a child that looks similar to them to make homelife alittle easier..and sometimes its just a childs face that connects you to them...like you see them and your like, oh my god, this is the baby thats meant to be my daughter...