Spiritually Speaking...Is It True That Hurt People, Hurt People...?

I love this question. And I love Elizabeth Gilbert for coining that phrase in the first place.

I do believe hurt people hurt people. And I think part of the reason they do it because pain makes us afraid. And living in fear makes us angry and resentful.

If someone you trusted hurt you deeply, what you learn from that experience is to trust less. You enter into a game of chess with the people around you, always having to predict another persons intentions and motives before you can make a move. You can't live freely without fear of pain. And whenever someone gives off warning signals that they might cause you grief, you back away.

This takes away freedom. That's what perpetuates the hurt. It's why we don't heal.

Spiritually speaking, a little forgiveness and a little compassionate understanding goes a long way in terms of setting you free from hurt and fear.

The reality is you will experience pain. Don't run from it. Don't turtle shell. Just accept it when it comes. It comes from another hurt, angry, resentful, un-free human being. That's very sad, but at the same time it's not your problem. Your job is just to know who you are, live free, love, and be joyous.

Hedgehog's dilemma.

How do two prickly people get close enough to share warmth when they keep pricking each other?

EVERYONE always hurts the ones closest to them. That is the human condition. Only through patience and mutual understanding can anyone overcome this.

Are hurt people more prone to becoming hurtful? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, all depending on the moral fiber and resilience of the individual. Sometimes, hurt people become emotional saints. It just depends on the person and which way they go under stress.

Often the victim becomes predator, but MORE often, the victim is just an easier target. Lashing out is the weakest defense mechanism. It generally only comes into play when a person always feels they have no ground to stand on anyway. People lash out when they have nothing to gain by any other behavior. In terms of 'fight or flight' behaviors, it comes into play when flight is not an option. Going from victim to perpetrator usually requires specific conditioning, and is often a learned behavior. If lashing out gains someone space or breathing room, they are more likely to try it again. If, say, a child falls into 'lashing out' behavior, and it never works out for them, never gains them anything, they are for, far more likely to fall into introverted, insular, submissive behaviors, like passive aggression.

But yes, often, when people are full of pain, that is all that comes out of them, not matter what.

Many times when a child grows up to witness or receive abuse they become what they witness. It is the time when foundational programs are laid in place & if it is all they saw, it is for the most part what they learn. Yet there are some that do the opposite. Being unable to forge that trust & bond with parent they never have their inner voice challenged as so many do. As they get older they do not adopt the outer lesson but retain their inner voice as guidance. These the acts of the abuser become everything they don't want to be, & they do not repeat the "sins of the father". They learn what they don't want to be, a very good system BTW. Eliminate what you don't want you are at least a few steps ahead of the game. At least this is how it was for me.

On another angle, when people hurt some can't express that, so they cover it with anger. Anger has always seemed to me to be a second class emotion because it is what is underneath it for me, usually hurt, that is the real issue. My Brother in law used anger more efficiently than any I had seen before. If his world was out of control he got angry, if his feelings were hurt he got angry, if there was a power struggle with my sis, he got....well you get the point. Effectively, anger was his coping device. At times it has been mine, & I always suffer for it. I think I am rambling, but the bottom line in answer to your Q. is yes, sometimes, not always! LOL!

One more detail on anger, it is the biggest energy zapper in the universe. Remember that last really big anger fit, the rush of energy that came with it, & the total loss of energy after you were spent. Yea, me too!

Many Blessings My friend!

In my own experience, hurt people have a choice to make. They can continue the cycle of pain in an unconscious belief that that is the way life is, or they can make a conscious choice to live differently and break the cycle, and in some cases attempt to repair damage.

Children who are abused often grow up to be abusers. But some of the most compassionate people I've ever known were people who promised themselves that they would never treat a child that way. Many became teachers who reached out to children with the hope that a different role model would provide a different outcome.

I saw a teacher in a parent conference reach out to offer encouragement to a parent who was dealing with a difficult child by saying in essence "I know you are trying to over-come substance abuse, and I know what a difficult time this is for you. Please know that you are doing the right thing in trying to set limits and enforce those limits with your son. You may feel as if this is beyond your ability, but I've got faith in you." Another teacher may have written the mother and son both off, saying something like, "well, that apple won't fall far from that tree." I asked her, after the meeting, what helped her find the words to encourage that mother. She smiled sorrowfully, and told me that her own mother was an alcoholic, and she herself had been a troubled teen.

This woman was an absolute delight, a dedicated and effective teacher, and a kind friend. She had reached that point in her life with a conscious decision during those teen years, to make her own life different from the one she had had in her parents' home.

I like to believe it is like a hurt animal. They are down for the count and everyone knows it so nature naturally tries to wipe out the weak. When WE ARE HURT we lash out at others as a natural response in an effort to defend ourselves. We don't purposely hurt others but we let others know not to mess with us and oftentimes hurt them emotionally, physically, or mentally in an attempt to protect ourselves.

Perhaps we are merely trying to keep a positive attitude or maintain our personal status quo when someone says "Oh ... you poor dear ... you are sick and suffering" and YOU respond "Nope, everything's fine ... I'm doing well ... a sniffle perhaps but all in all good." thus rejecting the other person's premise, often hurting them verbally, but at the same time maintaining a positive attitude for oneself.

It's complicated but I don't feel that all "hurts" are intentional. Some merely involve a misinterpretation of the facts.

:-)

Peace, Love, Light!

I AM DARTAGNON

A person in pain has a hazy outlook on life. I equate it to when I forget to put my glasses on in the morning and I'll put them on an suddenly many things I was regarding are clear and more detailed..I see them for what they are. We're all in pain sometimes and to some degree but most of us don't know how to transcend the pain. Seems very important to learn how to do so when you look at a question like this, though.

I do believe that people who hurt people are hurt themselves but I do not believe that people in pain always cause pain....When my son died I was in so much pain. Eventually, it manifested in my body because I was not expressing it. I was diagnosed with diabetes & eventually put on pain pills so I could continue to be on my feet all day at work...My feet & legs had so much pain that I didn't take my pills & didn't sleep & had to miss work until I got back on the pills. Then I decided to do something healing work on myself. I knew the physical, mental & spiritual were all one. So I had to look at the mental pain I had. I decided to release my pain. It was in my mind & a choice. I chose to think differently. I stopped the pain pills in Jan.08 & at first I had a little pain but reminded myself that I was choosing good beliefs. So I have been off the pills & I am fine now....I never took out my pain on others so I in defense of people in pain being abusers, this is choice. I never chose to do that...when I understood that I was abusing myself & knew I would not tolerate anyone being an abusers I started loving myself & my pain dissolved completely. Now life is so beautiful.

I was abused and am still in pain a bit but I do not inflict the same fate on the people around me. I Know how bad it hurts and wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone else! The victim does not always become the attacker.In most cases they do not.and you can't blame your past on any crime you commit! It is inexcusable.LOL

I am not sure that that can be answered as a whole for all people, but I believe in general it is human nature to lash out at others when we are hurting so deeply ourselves. Call upon the name of the Lord, and find your peace. God Bless you <><

Yes I have noticed it in many adolescence

Also depressed people just make the people around them depressed as well

Angry People start a chain reaction of anger

Cause and Effect: indicate a change that has happened as a result of something else.

You may have heard of the Law of Attraction, but there is another law, the Law of Cause and Effect. It is just as irrefutable as the Law of Attraction and works in conjunction with it. The Law of Cause and Effect states that for every action there is an effect. It is just another example of duality like yin and yang, male and female, or the north and south poles. We begin making choices for ourselves when we’re young and continue to make more and more choices as we grow into adulthood. Some of the choices are brought about by peer pressure others by needs and still others by likes and dislikes. We decide from many sources what we are worth. We hear many things like it takes money to make money, there is only so much to go around, you can only make a great deal of wealth if you have the right kind of stuff or you get real lucky. Cause and effect is either physical or mental. A physical cause and effect is generally competitive in nature while a cause and effect created mentally is generally creative. If done correctly this creative mental cause and effect reaches out into the universe creating whatever we ask for. Money can come to anyone in any denomination if we truly believe we deserve to have it. It can be created from the universe using this law of cause and effect. It is the part of the law of attraction that creates the wealth you feel deserve. Attracting it to you is the effect and to accomplish the desired effect you must be ready to receive what you have caused to come into being. Being ready to receive means you are going to give someone something of value worth more than what you are receiving. What you have created is not going to appear to you out of thin air. It is not going to come from you from someone else’s loss. It is not going to come to you if you are competitively trying to win it.The causes and effects that come to you for good are created from good and received from good. The money is not stolen or magic it just is. Because you have created it by asking for what the universe wants to give you, it must be received in the spirit the universe deems appropriate. You cannot receive what you have created if you are going to get it by depriving someone of something. The universe will not give it to you if are going to hoard it. The money is not to give you power over others. The money is to give you life, to let you live, to let you learn, to travel, to enjoy what the universe has to offer.

Love & Blessings

Milly