My 19 yr. old son is not motivated by ANYTHING! HELP!!!?

that is exactly like my brother. he's 19 too, doesn't go to school, doesn't have a job, doesn't do anything around the house, sleeps all day, stays out all night, drinks and smoke. my parents don't know what to do either. they've threatened to kick him out. they said he's either got to get a job and pay rent, move out, or go back to school. he's not motivated to do anything either. he claims he wants to graduate high school but he doesn't want to go to school. he spends his days playing video games and hanging out with his friends. who knows what he does down there. i can tell it's really stressing my parents out cuz they don't know what to do.

I'm not saying your situation will be the same, but I got kicked out of high school when i was 16, did nothing but drink (I never liked pot), didn't have a job, didn't go to school didn't do anything important. When I was about 21 I just started feeling like I should go do something important, so I went back to school and I am graduating at the end of the current term and have been accepted into professional school for next year. I know it doesn't' really give you any ideas on what to do, but maybe it will give you a little hope, some people are just working on their own time frame.

I am very sorry to hear about your problems with your son. My wife and I are having the same problem with our 20 year old son. He has had two jobs from separate family businesses, and has gotten fired from both. He has lived away from home several times, and has moved back in because of being jobless and broke.

The last time he moved back home, he claimed he was looking for a job and needed to use the internet to fill out applications. All he did was chat with his friends, download music, and goof-off on MySpace. Also, he borrowed my wife's car to go look for jobs. (His car was in disrepair because he wouldn't get it fixed.) All he did was drive around town doing who knows what. Also, every night, he went out to "hang out" with his friends, and didn't come home until very late, if at all, and then slept until noon, or later.

My wife finally got fed up (I had been fed up for long time) and told him he had to leave. Fortunately for him, an out-of-town friend of his had offered him a potential job and a place to stay. It sounded like a great offer because that particular friend is hard-working, motivated, and responsible -- a good, positive influence. We quickly helped our son pack his car and sent him on his merry way.

That was about a month ago. Well yesterday, our son's friend called my wife and said that he was fed up. Our son had not even tried to get a job and was on the verge of being kicked out. My wife then talked to our son and said that he would NOT be allowed to live in our home, period. She was very distraught and cried half the night. We are both very afraid for his future.

Here is a little more to the story. Our son has also been involved with drinking and smoking pot. We are not sure to what extent, but I think it is a lot more than we know. I suspect that the pot smoking has a part do with him not getting a job because so many employers do drug testing, and he is probably afraid of failing a urinalysis.

(Man, I hate feeling like our son is a lazy, weak-willed loser. All he does is lie, party, and crap all over everyone who tries to help him. I MISS the good-hearted, funny kid who was a riot to be around.)

I'm sorry about the venting. I could tell much more, but I think you have the idea. I don't really have any good advice for you because we haven't found a solution that has worked. We are slowly realizing that he is going to have to hit bottom before he wakes up. We just hope and pray that he doesn't hit bottom too hard.

He may be depressed. Consider trying to get him to a doctor or psychologist.

He may need some help getting started with his job search. It can feel overwhelming to have to create a resume, search the postings, write cover letters, fill out and submit applications, make phone calls, and prepare for interviews. If you've never done it before, it's really a huge task.

If you have skills to help him with this, consider spending a little time doing that. Start with helping him narrow down the kinds of jobs he would consider or would be qualified for. From there, work on a resume. Then applications and cover letters. Once he has done a few applications, he will get the hang of it and it won't seem so hard to do it on his own.

If you don't have the skills or the time, refer him to a local job center or government agency. Many state employment agencies offer these services for free. There may be a place like that nearby.

Often, the hardest part is getting started. Good luck.

Our friends had this exact problem with their 19 year old and gave him a similar 2 week ultimatum, but the deal was get a job, enroll in school or accept a plane ticket to his dads house on the east coast. One week in they saw him doing nothing, they brought home boxes and had him start packing up his room. During the second week they bought him a couple of suitcases, on the last day they drove him to the airport. That was two years ago, he is now living and working up in the bay area and yes going to school as well.

Follow through, my guess is that you do a lot of talking by not much actual follow through.

My 19 year old brother was basically the same way. He camped on mom's couch all day, didn't have a job, barely helped with anything around the house. Last week on Monday he left for basic training with the Army. Its scary with the war going on right now BUT I am glad that he got some direction and will be learning some character.

I know this is tough but here is the thing... he is not the problem, you are.

he knows you, he knows you are not serious & you have created an atmosphere that allows his apathy & laziness to flourish. Words mean nothing, action is all you have.

Your job as a parent was to love him, keep him alive & raise him to take care of himself. You did the first 2 very well, but you did not teach him the value of self-sufficiency.

It is not too late, but you need to get your head on straight & come up with a plan. Like an alcoholic you enable him & need to lean the tools not to do this any longer. The first step: get real with yourself & stick to your guns. It will be the greatest gift you will ever give him, I promise.

Your problem is that you didn't want to over react. Now, you have no choice. Had you taught him to leave the weed alone earlier, you wouldn't be having this problem now. He has to grow up. If he doesn't get a job in two weeks, keep your word and tell him he must move out. Give him no more than 48 hours to get out. Where he goes, what he does, doesn't matter. If he wants a clean roof over his head, he will soon find out he has to pay for it and the only legit way to get money is to get a job and earn it.

Quit threatening to kick him out and follow through!! Kick him out!! I would tell him he has 2 weeks to get a job or he'll be finding his stuff on the front lawn and the door locks changed.

No one said being a parent is easy!! You aren't doing him any favors supporting him when he's acting like this.

My19