how to say yes to him, no to his dog?

I see where you are coming from..actually I would be much more strict than that..I have major dog allergies.. but my girlfriend and her whole family are dog freaks (and thats an understatement, its like they came from planet dog or something :P ) She has a big french mastiff, he's a great dog, well behaved and all, but if he comes over, he is not allowed in my room, he is allowed to lay outside the door or something but not in the room, and anything outside of my room that is mine, I am willing to get dog hair on it. If there is something that I do not want to get dirty or messed up by the dog, I will make sure the dog and his fur can't get anywhere near it. If he were to lay in my pile of clean clothes, I would flip! That means that I would have to do the laundry all over again after just having done it! Maybe the mistake that you made was to not remove your clean laundry from the situation. Anything that you do not want getting messed up by the dog while it is over, just move it, put it in a closet or separate room if your boyfriend doesn't have the dog crate trained (he should if he doesn't..)

I agree with most of what everybody else said, but some of their comments were also ridiculous. If you are having strong feelings for the guy, don't let the dog get in the way. He has his relationship with the dog, it doesn't mean that you automatically have to love the dog too, although it appears that you do, which is great! I think you should type up or write up a list of things you do not allow for when the dog comes over. Include things such as; no laying in the bed or on furniture, etc, anything else you may not like.. also, get your guy to get his dog groomed to reduce the fur as much as you can. Just be sure to get your guy to help you out with cleaning and stuff from now on too, like vaccuuming, cleaning counter tops and mopping the floor once or twice a week, or right after having the dog over, if possible. I'm sure with some effort, the three of you can find harmony.

Someone asked me once to choose between them and my dog. Guess what, the dog won and I dont for a second regret it.

At the end of the day, the dog was around before you were. So by telling him to ditch the dog, you are effectively giving him an ultimatum. Me or the dog?

Maybe approach it from a different angle. Get him to bring an appropriate dog bed next time he stays over, and if he wants to take the dog on a picnic or day trip somewhere, ask him to bring a long (and I mean reasonably long) rope or tie down chain so that the dog can be left in the shade of a tree with some water for a little while or something.

By showing some initiative, you will get more from your guy than just ranting at him about his best mate.

You need to talk to this guy about how you feel about his dog. You can try telling him that while you like dogs you do not like the fur and cleaning that come with his dog. Or you could say that you really don't want dog hairs in your car because you need to look professional for work.

The bottom line is that this guy has probably had this relationship with his dog for much longer than he has known you. It's not "just a dog" to him, this dog is a member of his family. I doubt that this guy thinks that the dog is necessarily invited everywhere that he is, but he probably feels bad that the dog has to spend so much time alone and would like to bring him along when it is possible. It was rude of him to bring the dog along uninvited and unannounced for a first overnight stay, but perhaps he couldn't find someone to watch the dog and he can't just leave it at home for that long by itself. It is also very likely that he is looking for a life partner who loves HIS dog just as much as he does.

You do realize that if you're serious about this guy then you are going to have to accept his dog, fur and all. I would be very concerned that you say you aren't willing to change your view "yet." If you aren't willing to talk to this guy and come to a compromise over his dog at this stage in your relationship, you really aren't any more likely to be inclined to do so at a later date either.

Honestly, if you are a "dog person" then your attitude is usually "love me, love my dog."

But this guy should have understood that maybe bringing his dog over (without asking (!)) was not cool.

Maybe his dog is one of those that gets destructive if left alone.

Maybe this dog helped him over a rough spot and he'd feel guilty about leaving it alone.

Ask yourself if you really like this guy and are willing to deal with the dog problem in order to get to know him better. If you are then there are ways of making both of you happy. He could bring over a large soft crate with a nice bed and the doggy can stay in there. Or if you just plain are not ready for having a dog at your place, say so, and say why, and he can find a dog sitter if he doesn't want to leave his alone. I am a hard core dog lover, but I don't think you have to put up with a dog turning your clean laundry into a bed, and your beau should have been really embarrassed about that!

You need to consider the fact that he is staying the night at your house, and therefore probably doesn't have a place to keep his dog while he's gone. He can't leave his dog caged or even home alone for all of that time, the dog would obviously need to go to the bathroom, etc.

All relationships are suppose to be give and take. If he is a good man, but you feel inconvenienced by some dog fur, etc., then you are putting material things above the relationship, which would eventually encompass more than just the dog, and will bring loads of problems down the road, not just with this guy, but with anyone.

I don't think you can say yes to him and no to his dog, I don't think you could say that to anyone who loves their pet. I know my boyfriend, or any future boyfriend, couldn't say that to me.

He probably should have asked if he could bring his dog to your apartment, I can see why that would be annoying. But, I kind of think you are fighting a losing battle. The dog isn't going anywhere anytime soon. He wants to bring the dog with him everywhere because it is hard to leave the dog at the house all by itself.

Also, dogs are dogs. They are going to get into clean laundry, have an accident in the house, chew up a pair of shoes, etc. It's just part of having a dog. Most dogs pick up on the things that you don't want them to do eventually, but even the best-trained dogs make mistakes! You can't let it get to you that much.

Maybe you could adopt a dog for your boyfriend's dog to play with, that way you could have more time to yourselves and he wouldn't feel as bad leaving the dog by himself.

If you are in a good relationship, you should be able to talk to him about this. But, I bet you anything he won't understand why his dog is a problem. You just have to figure out whether he is worth putting up with the dog.

Although, I believe that me and my dogs are a package, I do think your BF is a little inconsiderate. I would NEVER let my dogs be ill-behaved at someone else's home, just as I would not let my children be ill-behaved at someone else's home.

I think you should have a talk with your BF. If you are going to allow his dog over, then you and your BF need to come to an agreement about the dog. Dogs are highly intelligent and the dog can be trained to know where his boundaries are. You can buy a bed specifically for the dog and keep it at your place.

Your BF and his dog are a package. You will have to accept his dog if you want to continue the relationship, but there is no reason why the dog shouldn't or can't be trained.

well if things are going well and u might have a future together u might want to include the dog too. i'm sure ur bf knows u arn't keen on him bringing his pooch but with over night visits the dog is part of his family and he wants him to bond with u also.keep the clean laundry up and let the dog find his own spot to nap and possibly with getting to know him and waliking and going out for runs u will come to love him also. keep the vac handy for cleanups sometimes we have to put up with ur other halfs family which is harder than having his dog around. lol good luck

Unfortunately for for you it's a case of love him love his dog. If you love him enough you will accept his dog. It was in his life before you were. If not I'm sure the dog will be in his life long after you are.

If he's going to be staying overnight someone needs to care for his dog. if you are looking at a long term relationship with him there should not need to be anyone else to give that care except him unless you are going away for the weekend or on vacation.

Taking on someone with a dog is similar to taking on someone who already has children. You would not expect them to cut their children out of their life. You can;t expect him to cut out the dog.

You really need to do some thinking for both of your sakes. There is no way to say "just you." It's either them or go on without either of them. You don't say how old the dog is but if it's only young you could be looking at 10-15 years before the dog passes away. No way can you expect him to let his dog go. If he would I can tell you he would not be a man I would be wanting to father my children. Just as kids are forever dogs should be too.

It's in your hands. Love him love his dog or walk away completely.

If you give in and relent and take in his dog, you're going to resent him. You cannot handle this dog, and you both have not communicated properly over the dog situation, so it's going to kill your relationship if you don't discuss it and work out an agreement that's acceptable to BOTH of you. This might not even be possible. Our dogs are like our children. We become as attached to them as we are to our human children.

He opened up the discussion, but you didn't tell him honestly how you feel, and by not discussing it when he opened the door, you did the wrong thing for the situation and for your relationship.

You need to sit down with him (without the dog) and discuss the dog honestly.

You say he was "obviously waiting" for you to offer to have the dog inside. You need to explain to him that you were unsettled when he brought the dog in the first place without discussing it with you first. You need to tell him honestly that you are not comfortable with dogs that have fur and shed (most dogs do). You need to admit to him that you really were not comfortable when you take the dog inside for the night because you sensed that he wanted you to do so. You need to admit to him that you were distressed when his dog got on your clean laundry instead of the bed of blankets you made up for the dog.

If you are right and he didn't openly request that you allow the dog in over the night, that was a bad choice on his part to just "obviously wait" for you to invite the dog in instead of openly ask you. He also should have asked you before he brought the dog in the first place.

You should tell him that it was inappropriate of him to not discipline his dog when the dog used your clean laundry as a bed instead of the blankets you put down for it. That was rude on his part.

You and he have a strong sexual attraction, and so he assumes the dog will be welcome as you two are in a relationship. When my husband and I moved to our current home, we chose to get a dog. It was a great pyrenees (you'd hate the fur). When he selected the breed, he took the time and courtesy to ask me if I felt I could handle it. I told him honestly that I didn't know if I could. So we started out right, discussing it FIRST. My husband didn't assume I'd be ok with the dog; he asked. We discussed all the dog's attributes in depth and honestly.

You two didn't do that! Tell him you need to talk to him about the dog and Saturday. Get together in a neutral place before then. Discuss the things I mentioned above with him honestly. Tell him you don't know if you will be able to handle the dog. Tell him that, if he wants you to try to learn to be able to deal with the dog, then ground rules must be set and kept. One rule is that you both agree on where the dog sleeps and he must correct the dog and prevent the dog from using unacceptable things like your clean laundry as a bed. If there are areas you don't want the dog in, that's your right. The dog must never sleep on your bed. The dog must not be allowed on your furniture. He must be a strong, loving disciplinarian for his dog and make the dog respect you and your rules.

If he can't control his dog for your comfort level, and if you cannot tell him honestly what bothers you, then there's no sex good enough to save your relationship. -!-