Were you considered an abusive wife or husband?

I think some people throw around the word "abusive" a little too readily. I saw a woman who called her husband "abusive" because he ran up some credit card charges and didn't tell her. I've seen people call their spouse "abusive" because he/she just simply got mad, or yells once in a while.

There was a time where I cut my husband off from me emotionally. It was a terrible thing I did and I regret it. It did bad things to our marriage which took years to heal. It wasn't until he told me that he didn't even understand why we were still married that I realized what I had done in my childish game of trying to control him. I would call that abusive.

"Emotional abuse" is a systematic pattern, not isolated incidents of being a jerk. I kicked my husband once and he kicked me back. I wouldn't call that abusive because that was an incident.

Like Allison said, I do also believe abusive is readily used. Things happen in marriages. Sometimes it is one sided, sometimes is both sides. I guess on here this place gets more cries for help and it is easy to use. I know men are generally the minority on here, so if one of us stands up we stand the risk of being knocked down. I believe Champ has a reason to call her husband abusive, but I don't read your question as calling anyone saying their spouse was abusive a liar.

Well, I don't use the abusive term lightly, I say it because that is the reality of the situation.

I am 35, I was with my soon to be ex( I filed for divorce last month and he's still trying to give me hell through the children) for 14 years. He was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. He almost on a daily basis called me *****, stupid mother******, dead weight, fat ***(and I'm not even fat), dumb dumb. He also told me that I was like cancer in his life, when all I did was love him so much that I put up with it for years! I was also strangled to the point that I thought I would die on several occasions!!!

He even wished that I die from diabetes and that a truck would hit me while I was driving. I don't want to even keep going on about it but I do know that men are abused as well. I used to attend a support group and was surprised that so many men were in the same boat as I was!

By the way, he used to scream and holler in my face so close that he would spit in my face. he would do this in front of our children as well. Actually, they are the reason that I ultimately left. They gave me the strength to go on..

That is great that you dont believe a man should hit a woman since he is stronger. But sadly our culture traditionally said that the man rules his castle and the woman was the submissive one. Wives were seen as being the mans property. I know religion played a big role in that message too. So sadly, some men took it to heart. I also think that our culture is very stressful and men are taught not to show their emotions so it builds up inside. Then explodes.

On here, your going to see more people posting problems since the ones that are doing fine dont have a question to ask.

My ex labeled me as abusive, but only did so to make people feel sorry for her. She was having an affair and didnt want to be labled as the "bad guy" so she made up a whole "rap sheet" on me to have people tell her she was doing the right thing.

I've heard people calling their spouses verbally abusive because they argue with them. I fear the term is being tossed around too easily.

Ha Ha, on those first 2 comments. Well, I believe you are correct. No one really admits I was hell to live with and abusive.

My ex threw me out of a moving car, after years of systematic abuse. Is that clear cut enough for you?

You sound like you want to justify your own bad behavior.

I'm only abusive if my husband doesn't come home from work and make me something to eat.

I smack my ***** up if she doesn't get in the kitchen and make me a pie now.

Just kidding. No, I'm not abusive.