How can I phrase an invite so I'm not stuck picking up the tab?

What's it you're probleming? Filipino culture. To invite somebody means you have to pay for what they may drink or eat. You can't imply then. It would be better for you to be sincere and straightforward. Tell them frankly that they would be paying for whatever they order. It's not also a matter of being generous. If I were you, if you are not determined to spend for your birthday, it would be better for you to celebrate it alone. You found yourself in a situation that you don't want to spare a penny when you want to enjoy your friends' company. It's not a question of "Thank you very much". It's a question of "can you afford?". Don't drag them to something which they don't know and place themselves and you in trouble. Just back off from that thought of celebrating without spending anything. Answer me if you can—a very personal question which you are not obliged to reply: In what region of the Philippines are you from? I am an Ilonggo from Iloilo City. Sometimes I have plenty of money and sometimes I don't have any. I go and enjoy with friends paying the bills and sometimes I don't go because I have nothing to contribute. But it's the way it is: Magpakatotoo ka. Exercise your freedom. Don't bother yourself as to whatever other people may think of you. If you have the money then Go, if not then remain at home.

First... for all who have used the term "dutch" (and related phrases) please read the Wikipedia article below to familiarize yourself with the source of the term.

Next... there IS NO WAY to phrase an INVITATION where YOU are not "stuck" with the tab. In all proper etiquette, the "INVITOR" ALWAYS picks up the bill. My suggestion is to simply not make it a birthday celebration for yourself. Simply have a "girls night out" that night. You can always say, while at the occasion, "Hey.. I just remembered, it's my BIRTHDAY today!" You might be surprised that one of your friends might already have made that observation before you have... "Hey girls... I just remembered, tonight is Mary's Birthday!"

Regardless of your intentions, having a "self-celebration" is usually seen as being selfish. Don't do that to yourself. Just forget it's your birthday, and go out with your friends, and know, in your heart of hearts, that this "company" is your gift to yourself.

Have a polite day.

Honestly, if you invited me to have a few drinks at the bar I definitely wouldnt assume you are paying. Especially if its you birthday. On birthdays, usually the birthday boy/girl never pays... thats the last thing someone would expect is for you to pay.

I would tell a close friend about your concerns, then she'll atleast understand that you aren't able to pay for it all and if she's close to your other friends she can spread the word about how for your birthday the "girls" are gonna make sure you don't have to pay a dime! (The way it should be!)

Don't make invitations... that would imply that it's a birthday party that you're throwing for yourself and, in that case, you'd be treating.

I would talk to your closest girlfriends about going out for your birthday.. talk about what you'd like to do. They may jut get excited and do it for you and end up treating you! But, if you make it an informal get together with the added bonus of doing whatever you want 'cause it's your birthday, then don't make invitations and, worse case scenario, you'll have to pay for yourself.

I'm with Cynthia and August T -- I wouldn't set it up as an event you're paying for, and if I were invited to a bar, I'd assume everyone is paying for themselves. If they're your good friends, they know you don't have the cash to pay for them, and they wouldn't want to put you in an awkward position, either. Happy 30th!

Depends... if you are all good friends, they are most likely aware of your financial situation so I doubt it will be an issue.

If you are inviting them verbally, just mention that you'd love to treat everyone, but your budget doesn't allow it so you are asking that each person take care of her own tab.

If you're doing written invitations, you could include something like, "separate checks will be provided".

Have fun, happy birthday, and congrats on hitting the big THREE O!

It is called going dutch. I don't know why. It means that each pays for their own. Just state that when you mention the idea. "How about us going dutch to have a drink and bite to eat this XXXXday?"

Or ask a good friend to set up the party for you and to explain to everyone who is invited that they will be paying for whatever they eat and drink, that way you are left out of it and it will be easier for them to explain that it is pay for your own. Good luck.

Just call each one and say .. " Saturday is my birthday and it would be great to spend it with friends." Let the first one you call make a suggestion on where to go. Then let her call the others. That way their is no implication that you are throwing yourself a party.

Hey, i plan on going to such and such a place for my birthday, i hope you can come as well. Due to the economic status i don't want anyone to buy me a drink or present and it will be dutch... but hopefully we can all still have fun.

I wouldn't think people would assume if you're just going out for drinks but to be safe you could say wines from such and such amount or $10 cocktails or something, so that it's clear you're not paying but you don't have to sound tight or anything!

Happy birthday... big milestone :-)