Need serious advice on this one...PLEASE!!!?

Question

Ok, so a couple a months ago (Sept) my aunt (who is not actually my blood relative but is my aunt by marriage sister) who originally lived in Fla lost her job. At the time she was seeing a man here in NY and upon losing her job, he told her that she could move with him. I dont know all the circumstances behind it because its a little unclear, but basically she left her apt and hopped on a plane and came here. Well when she got to the airport (I dont think he knew she was coming to be honest) he met her and told her that it wasnt going to work and that he was seeing someone else. Ok...1st...Jilted and Screwed.

In a panic, she called my Mom and my Mom is not the kinda person that likes or appreciates other ppl's drama, but my mom agreed that since she was stranded she could come to her house temporarily til she figured out her mess. She stayed with my Mom for a week and my Mom bought her a ticket back to Fla and my aunt made arrangements to stay with a friend till she got on her feet.

Well, she really didnt want to return to Fla and figured she would do better finding a job and transportation here in NY and I told her that she could come and stay with me, but she needed to go back to Fla, apply for unemployment, settle her affairs and then return. 

Well a week later, I hadnt heard from her ONE time until she called me one saturday and said that she was on a train from Fla to NY and that she couldnt stay with her friend because her friend was crazy and she had to get outta there....Great

So she's here. Here's my situation:
I am a newlywed, I have 2 sons of my own, my husband has 2 girls and even though we have enough room for her because we have a big house, she's been here now 2 months with no serious job prospects (although she is furiously looking and has over 25 yrs experience in the legal field) she has no money and she has a drinking problem- we found this out because of empty liquor bottles and she went on a binge. I confronted her and she agreed to go to meetings, but its becoming too much and my husband's getting aggravated.

She does her best to stay out of the house during the day looking for a job and spending her time at the library, and she's the perfect house guest as far as cleanliness, but she has not contributed and runs the electricity in her room and eats for free.

I really need her to go, but I know she has no where. She does have a daughter in New Zealand who wants her to come out there, but I dont know if she wants to do that. Its driving me crazy and soon my marriage will be in shambles. We cant make love because she's down the hall and were drifting apart. I dont have the means to help her financially, so giving her money is not an option.

Someone please give me some advice on what to do and its sensitive because I dont want to hurt her feelings. She's bee through so much, Also, my aunt is 58, but she acts totally helpless and melodramatic.

Oh another thing, the jerk who screwed her over, is an atty with lots of money and promised to give her some seed money to start over. So far he's only given her 300$ and she blew most of that on wine.

bachelorsgal · Accepted Answer

Give her a written 45 day eviction notice, then 15 days send her a 30 day notice by certified mail. If you want her gone, you need to make sure you do it legally. Hopefully this will motivate her to get her life in order and make some decisions. 

She must be notified that you want her out, and you just can't throw her out on the streets. You let her become a resident of your house, and law states that she shall be treated like any renter who enters into a month to month lease. 

Put your immediate family first, your relationship with your husband and kids is far more critical than sparing her feelings. Just tell her you love her, but she got to go. 

Go ahead and enjoy the comforts of your own bedroom because she's enjoying the heck out of your son's! She's a grown woman, and knows you have a sex life (hence the kids you already have). Don't get BUCK WILD and wake the kiddies, but not having sex is probably doing more harm to your marriage than her physical presence in your home. 

Everytime I was faced with similar situations, the minute I became fed up and said you have to go...was the minute they made better choices and got their act together! In fact one house guest found a job, got an apartment and moved within two weeks. 

Good Luck!

michaelsmaniacal · Answer

I have been in a real similar situation with my wife's friend, her daughter, and then her son and his girlfriend, untill there were more of them living in my house than my own family. Drunk, stoned, underaged, and pregnant runaway type drama all day, everyday. 

  There is no way to help these kind of people. At your aunt's age, she should be settled down, stable and employed. The fact that there is drama everywhere she goes should tell you that it's her own fault. She can't get away (I do think you can benefit from a move away from some situations/locations in some cases)  from it because she CAUSES it. 

  Unfortunately, there is no way to do this without her blaming it on you. But for the sake of your family's comfort and mental health, I'd say just kick her out and be done with it. When she blames you for all her problems, just keep smiling and pushing her out the door. It's not your fault, and there's nothing you can do except offer her your sincere best wishes.

Shar B · Answer

Here's what you do: 1st, get some balls!  Girl, you are spineless!  Your marriage and your family comes before any one else period!  You are letting your family down big time! The reason this "aunt" of yours lost her job is because she's an alcoholic and it's ruining her life and everyone elses. She's bouncing all over the place because of it. No one really wants her but can you blame them?  What you need to do is buy her a one way ticket back to Florida and personally take her to the airport and don't leave until you see her hand waving goodbye from the airplane's window. Enough said.

? · Answer

Clarie, Never run from someone to someone ..... It takes time to heal .... but you had a great guy influence you, your feelings and you saw the way it should be done .... Do you now know how you want a guy to treat you .... how you wish to be respected? Then the heart ache was worth it ..... you learned ..... no that you have a pattern .....a idea so to speak ... you can look around you when you meet people to see how folks measure up ... over time your views and wants & needs may change .... but you have personal knowledge of this man to contrast & compare to others along your life path .... A person who's better suited for you (closer in age) will come along ..... i pitty the fool ... he has large shoes to fill ..... But I bet he will think your worth it. If your in school ... try the counsilor for a referal on who to talk with, there may be peer counsiling groups too, the Church can help ..... last shot get the parents to check the medical benefits .... but your best shot here ... is time and meeting new people. Good Luck

bizzymom38 · Answer

Time for some tough love for the auntie.......... she needs to  get out, get a job and come visit like normal folk....... she isn't blood related, she needs to get out of your house and go to work.  Any job will do when your unemployed.  You and your family need all the alone and together time you can get, without her there taking up space and eating your food, which she isn't paying for, watching your cable and using your internet.......... 

Time to get  tough, and if you can't do it, have your darling hubby do it. 

send her packing.

$Pooka$ · Answer

kick her out! sounds like a mooch! enuff is enuff already. how can people take advantage of people man. you seem nice and she sounds like a douchbag.

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Need serious advice on this one...PLEASE!!!?

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