Heres few jokes little johnny.......?

Little Johnny burst through the front door with a smile on his face. Surprised that Johnny was home so early, his mother asked, "Why are you home from school so early?"

Johnny answered, "I was the only one who could answer a question."

"Oh, really? What was the question?" his mother asked.

"Who threw the eraser at the teacher?"

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Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great," said Little Johnny, "'cuz he'd be ****-outta-luck if he needed glasses."

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Tell me something," asked Freddie, "how many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach, Little Johnny?"

Little Johnny scratched his lizard pecker head and said, "Well, five, I think."

"Wrong," said Jon. "You can only eat just one. After that, your stomach isn't empty any more! Gotcha!"

Little Johnny was impressed so he decided to pull the joke on his sister, Judi, when he got home.

"Hey, Sis, how many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach?"

Judi thought for a minute or two (it takes awhile to get those two brain cells to fire together) and said, "Two."

Little Johnny was dejected. "Aw, if you'd said *five* I had a great joke for you!"

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"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"

The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."

"That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "but you could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"

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Little Johnny asks the teacher, "Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?"

The teacher replies, "Yes, but only after you recite the alphabet, Johnny."

Little Johnny says, "Fine!" Then he quickly babbles out: "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZ!! !"

The teacher asks him, "Where is the P, Johnny?"

Johnny screams, "IT'S RUNNING DOWN MY LEG!!! PLEASE LET ME GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!"

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Little Johnny's parents were having a party at their house. One of the guests was observing Little Johnny, who would hold his chest whenever he bent down.

After a few minutes, the woman asked Little Johnny, "Why do you hold your chest whenever you bend down?"

Little Johnny said, "It is to keep my lungs from falling out. One day my teacher was writing on the board, and the chalk fell down. When she bent down to pick up the chalk, I saw her lungs come right out of her chest!"

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Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, decided to get married. So Little Johnny went to Susie's dad to ask for her hand in marriage.

"Where will you live?" asked Susie's dad, thinking this was cute.

"Well," said Little Johnny, "I figured I could just move into Susie's room. It's plenty big for both of us."

"And how will you live?"

"I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance. That should be enough."

Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers, Susie's dad asked, "And what if little ones come along?"

"Well," said Little Johnny, "we've been lucky so far."

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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty

enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the heck away from Aunt Carol"