Should I tell my daughter?

Dear … I feel you are a beautiful person with a beautiful heart. You haven’t told the truth to your daughter for 12 years to protect her. Honestly you have done that for the benefit of your daughter. What a beautiful father who you are. So now do you think it is the right time to tell her the truth? Before you reveal the truth… just think twice and find out what are the advantages of telling her the truth? Hope now your daughter and her mum has a strong bond? What would happen if you told her the truth? Both heart broken? You have to think deeply both sides of you and your daughter. First think about the reality. Your wife cheated you once? Perhaps she is now a good person and she has already been regretting what she has done to you? I am sure definitely she is now regretting a lot about her mistake, because she has lost a beautiful man like you in her life (means she has been already punished). So everybody does mistake, sometime it happens because of some unhappiness thing causes to ride that wrong path? I personally don’t criticize the people who are doing mistakes, because it is only a mistake. You have been acted your role as a living God and protected your daughter from a miserable secret? Why you cannot protect it few more years until your daughter become bit more mature or otherwise you could lead her to ask the truth from her mother itself. Instead of you revealing truth why you cannot give her the opportunity hear the truth by her mum? Perhaps her mum with tears would explain what has happened in past. You don’t have to hurt your wound again by memorizing the bad incidence happened in the past. The past has already gone and please don’t live with past now. Now is the time to enjoy your life yourself and don’t get unnecessary burden back to your life. Just let the time to go and keep your beautiful heart as it is without spoiling. Good luck with your thinking!

I'll tell you why you should keep this secret and take it to your grave. First, you'll sound bitter and she may resent you for it. Secondly, you jumped the gun with that divorce. If you had a strong marriage she would not have cheated. If you had really loved her, you could have asked her to go to counseling with you, fixed your marriage together and forgiven her. But you didn't. You just quit and filed for divorce. Your daughter will know this, too. The ONLY purpose for telling your daughter is so you can look good in her eyes. .... but you won't. Keep quiet out of respect for your daughter. What you CAN say, if she ever asks, is that she was right...you weren't getting along, and you still feel badly about that.

Ask yourself.....will any good will come of it?

Could it just poison your daughter towards marriage? Could it make it hard for her to trust? Could it bring more questions? Could it re-open old woulds for her, you, or her mother?

Ask yourself, too, what are your motivations?

Would telling her make you feel better about the divorce or make your former spouse feel worse?

People who cheat do so for their own reasons. Sometimes cheaters own up to their behaviour and sometimes they blame their former spouses for not meeting their needs.

Personally, I will never have the courage to open up that can of worms for my kids. My former spouse probably cheated because we did not get along like we did earlier in the relationship. My kids don't need the details. We didn't get along. It ended and that's the end of the story.

If it were me, I'd be the bigger person, and say nothing about it.

She's 20, she needs to find herself rather than worry about what went wrong with her parents.

Take Care.

She isn't 8 anymore. At 20 she should be mature enough to hear the truth. I think she'd appreciate hearing it from you than someone else. Just make sure you don't let any left over hurt or anger spill over into your conversation. No matter what your ex did she is still the mother of your child.

Actually, at this point in time, how important is it?! Is it going to solve anything, prove anything, change anything? No it's not going to do any of those reasons. It's water under the damn now, & I don't think it should really matter at this point in time. Obviously, it's still bothering you tho. Can you just let it go, I mean finally let it go, because by thinking about it after all these yrs., you're still "allowing" it to control your mind. It's really not worth the space it's taking up in your mind at this point & after all these yrs. If you can, let it go, let it stop controlling you & finally let that weight you've been carrying around all these yrs. roll off your shoulders & set yourself free of it. You'll be doing yourself a BIG favor by getting rid of that heavy load. If it was going to change anything or serve a good purpose, then I'd say to tell her. But it really isn't. Let it go & free yourself once & for all, I honestly feel you'll feel better for doing it. Best to you..Happy New Year...:)

If you are talking to her you might mention if you ever want to hear my side of the divorce just let me know, I feel you are old enough now to understand much better than you were at 8 years old. She should understand why you have not brought it up before. Good Luck

i think you are still a bit bitter because its been 12 years it really don 't matter now why you got divorced what happened was between you and her mother not her so she don't need to know the gory details and therefore leave it be.. and techinally you did get divorced because you didn't get along anymore you were pissed because she slept with your friend

i don't think there is ever any reason to tell her if they have a good relatinonship because it will ruin it. i know it is the same thing as lying but to be honest it is none of her business and it's not going to change anything if she knows (unless it does ruin her relationship with one of you). however, if it is eating away at you then you need to do it. and if she asks why you waited so long (and she probably will) tell her that you didn't want to hurt her and wait until she was more mature. i think 20 is a good age to understand those things. if she ends up going through something like this you can comfort her if she already knows about it. but it is up to you whether you want to tell her. either way will undoubtedly have negative consequences.

i have some questions. is your concern for her? or is it that you're still bitter and vindictive and it would make YOU feel better that your daughter knows what a cheater her mother was.

i would not want to hurt my child..

my ex was abusive, a pervert, a liar and cheater..my grown children have never understood that (i don't think)

i told him it was up to HIM to tell them the things he did. he didn't. instead he made up things about me!

so it goes...

i love my kids and do what is best for them. hopefully - if it helps them in life- they may realize what kind of person their father is and try never to be like him.

i imagine you have the same hope for your daughter.

Are you kidding?? I divorced my husband after being married almost 20 years, after I caught him in bed with his new girlfriend..Don't you think my daughters have seen my pain and heartbreak even after we were divorced?? There is nothing wrong with being honest with your feelings and if you feel that she can handle the truth, don't be afraid to reveal the detals...I would go slow, tho...