Should I accept my daughter's boyfriend?

There are a lot of red flags here so I think your concern is warranted. Hopefully, she will outgrow this kid quick. The more she has to explain him and force you to accept him, the more bonded she is to him. (Hard to explain, it creates a "them against you" relationship which may make them closer). So, you may want to pretend to accept him when you must be around him. Once they have nothing to push against with you, it will take the drama out of it and they will only have each other to push against. He is just a phase most likely and you do not want to waste any time you get to see her being upset with each other. Good luck, I know my advice is easier said than done.

I wonder if she has seen him treat you with a lack of disrespect? If she has and has not done anything to correct this as of yet then I would say that she is blind with Love for him. I am a father and a son, and as such if anyone treated my mother with disrespect I would drop them like a rock. I believe your fears of him being controlling and mean are probably well founded. I would advise that you and your daughter should sit down and have a talk about this, and let her know that he don't need to like YOU, but he had better not be treating her bad. I would ask her friends that know her really well or that are near her on a regular basis if they see the same thing you see or if you are just being overly concerned. I would say again as a father and son that your gut feelings will normally lead you to the correct assumptions. Good Luck. I lost a cousin to an abusive boyfriend. She didn't want to be with him anymore and when she told him this he made idle threats that if he couldn't have her nobody would. She went out with some friends some nights later and his jealous rage exploded. He waited until she got home and then broke into her house drug her out of the shower and shot her 3 times in the head with an assault rifle, and then he contacted 911 and then committed suicide.

Perhaps pull him aside and talk to him about it if you are comfortable. You're both adults. Tell him that you are happy for him and your daughter but would like a bit more respect out of him and have only treated him with the best back. If he doesn't comply, make it clear that you are unaccepting but he's your daughter's choice and there is not much you can do or should do given their age.

Oh yeah, just be careful too... if he doesn't appreciate the fact that you're his girlfriend's MOTHER, could you really trust him to treat his girlfriend the same in the long run? Please bring this up to your daughter.

My ex-girlfriend did not get along all too well with my mom, although my mom tried very hard to win her heart. Same reasons were given-bad relationship with her mom and dad blah blah blah. The usual excuses but really I think it was jealousy because my mom and I have a very good relationship. That being said, I noticed nothing of this at the time and my mother only told me of a few incidents after we broke up. She did not want to influence the way I felt about my partner at the time and I have to say I appreciate it in hindsight. she figured I could take care of myself, despite the fact that her motherly instinct wanted to step in and say something. In your case you might want to mention to your daughter that you don't appreciate being treated that way. Then again, this could cause a rift between them and guess who'll get the blame for it. I'm glad I'll never have to be a mom. In defense of mothers, you guys are always put between the rock and the hard place. My advice would be to let her be. You don't have to live with the guy right? She needs to make her own mistakes and learn from them. Just be there for her if things go bad and she'll love you for it, I'm sure.

My parent's never really accepted a past boyfriend of mine because they wanted me to be with this other guy who I did date, but we ended up being better off as friends. I think you should sit down with your daughters boyfriend and tell him that you only want the best for her and that the relationship between you and your daughters boyfriend would be better if you guys got along. If he completely denies you then I say you should tell your daughter to move on. Even though she's in college and can pretty much make her own decisions you are still her mother and you want what's best for her. I think if she was mature enough she'd agree.

Hope it all works out!

you are under no obligation to accept your daughters boyfriend. And from what you said it seem as though he is not worthy of your acceptance. Its nice and all the the poor boy has parent troubles of his own, but these parents obviously did not teach him how to respect other adults. Be honest with your daughter...hopefully she already knows how he has treated you in the past. Let her know that you will work on accepting him when he learns some respect and proves to you that he not the jerk he came off as.

I think you need to have a heart to heart with your daughter, emphasising that you will be polite and welcoming to her boyfriend even though you are concerned. When you finish the discussion, tell her that you feel better now you've said your piece and she understands where you are coming from, you won't bring the topic up again and while are sorry you have to continue disliking him for the moment, you will do your best to make him feel comfortable in your home for her sake.

I think that's the best you can do, really.

One thought...you pay the cost to be the boss. He came off raw, which there was no need to be then he needs to move around. Your not his parents but you are somebody and if he can't treat people with respect he can gone on about his business, but don't bring it around you. It's not being mean it keeping respect where respect is due. Your daughter doesn't like it, let her know it's just basic respect nothing else and too pick her battles wisely. Good luck w/it!

seeing as you have only met your daughters boyfriend three times, he might calm down on the aggro next time. plus he might feel abit embarrassed that your first impression of him isnt so good. also, if your daughter likes him, you have to respect that and be there for her if things in their relationship goes wrong. having this bond with your daughter would also assure her that she could tell you if her boyfriend was being controlling or mean. i hope things go well!

The truth of it is you're probably busted.

The best you can do is setup rules in your home and if he's an idiot, he's OUT. No emotion, no drama, just OUT. Otherwise you'll have to just take it (her being with him), cuz she's probably gonna choose him vs you in the end. Just the way it is.

She's an adult now. If she chooses to demand you accept rudeness from the douche in the peace of your home she's beyond it anyways.

And as hard as it is, if she's talking trash for him, it's time to look to your own.