Why are the so-called "happy" adoptees always getting so mad at the so-called "angry" adoptees?

It's the other way around, really. I have always expressed contentment and happiness in my adoption and have gotten email after email from angry adoptees telling me that I can't possibly really be happy--I had to be in a fog or denial. It seems to make angry adoptees angry to hear another adoptee is happy.

I personally prefer the term ADOPTEE. I have never thought twice about it. The term "adopted person" just sounds.... well... kinda weird to me. Everyone has their own personal views as to why they want to be called either or and no matter how you say it, somebody out there will be offended one way or another. Adoption and some of the subjects that go along with it are no doubt, VERY, VERY DELICATE SUBJECTS. But at the same time, some are, I feel, a little hypersensitive when it comes to this subject. I guess perhaps due to their life experiences. I don't feel that either label is less validating, one is just more direct and to the point.

I just don't get how SOME in this forum continue to negate the feelings that other's voice they have.

If I walk up to someone on the street, the sun is shining, I am having a great and wonderful day, my stocks are up, my family loves me....blah blah blah...and the person I see is sad, mopey, crying and anxious and I ask them whats the matter......and they tell me they "feel like they are in the dark", their "family hates them", they "lost their job and a chiunk on Wall Street............DO I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY BULLSH*T...they must be joking and their feelings are that of a brainwashed person. After all, my life is wonderful....so theirs must be too??

That is what is going on here that totally baffles me. That screams of someone who must be in control at all costs and refuses to listen to others. I am all about healthy debate. I think it must happen for the flow to balance itself. It shows there is life in a given group of people. I do not beleive anyone has the right to negate the feelings of another.

I am not adotped. I have a sister who surrendered her child for adoption in the 70s, an aunt who "went away" in the 50s and came back with a flat stomach and no baby, I work with children who are in foster care and are legally free for adoption...............and no matter how happy and joyous their adoption may have been, in twenty years I would never feel the "right" to tell them they are full of crap, they had a wonderful set of parents- after all....I know becasue I chose them first hand....they had a great house, a nice car to drive and all the money in the world...so their life must have been happy....WHY ARE THEY UPSET NOW??

Heh....anyway.

It happens on both sides my friend. I have had a wonderful adoption experience, and also adopted 2 children. I have a couple people send me almost threatening like emails, because I had a happy adoption experience.

Because according to how most react in here (YA!) only those angry adoptees have a "right" to express themselves. If a happy adoptee expresses positivly to anything- they're considered to be in "a fog".

LMAO..it used to be the other way around. I'm a happy, well adjusted adoptee. I've been haniging around here for a long time, LEARNING. I didn't know 1/2 of what I do now about adoption and I AM adopted. I'm also a happy bmom and I STILL didn't know most of what I've learned here. I just assumed everyone had the same experience I've had.

I only get frustrated with those that downplay MY experience and I've been told I'm repressing, I'm crazy, no ones life could be rainbows and unicorm farts. LOL. but it was-as a kid anyway. I wasn't ever any different than anyone else..etc. But no, I never get mad. I learn from everyones posts

Some people can't have others see the world differently than them I think. When we get into feminist philosophy I get right in there and sometimes personalize when I should not. But I think when people discuss their unhappiness at adoption and aspects of adoptions such as sealed records, coresion etc. etc. then it shakes their foundation. If so many believe one way, is it possible they could be wrong?

Basically, we are all people with our own feelings. We are not talking about world politics (well sort of we are) or generic topics of debate....we are discussing adoption, and those discussing it are often adoptees, adoptive parents, or first mothers...how can we depersonalize this conversation?

But yes, many people get downright angry when people don't agree with them.

And good for you for acknowledging your fabulousness! love it!

Ha ha, I have thought the same thing. One can say they are happy without realising how angry they actually are. What I don't get is why searching and not searching relates to being happy. That being against a corrupt system relates to a person's happiness.

It also seems that those who are attacking are very angry under all that "happiness"

Great question!

Okay, well I have lived this one pretty recently so let me give it a shot.

The first stage of grief is DENIAL. It is easy to be happy as can be when you are in denial about a loss you have suffered. When I came to this site I was in total denial.

The second stage of grief is ANGER. Ok, so this is when you get pissed because you are starting to acknowledge that some of this "stuff" makes sense, some of it resonates. You lash out at the truth because you don't want to accept it. I suspect that some of those you speak of are at this point.

I'm not trying to accuse any adoptee of being in a fog or being in denial, I'm just saying I WAS. Had I been as secure as I pretended to be I would have visited this site and left after one time thinking everyone was crazy. In fact, for most of life I was secure and gave all this little thought. You couldn't get me mad about adoption because I simply didn't care.

I think if someone is here they do care. If they are mad, something is making them uncomfortable. They are investing the time here for a reason.

I do think there are adoptees who are fine with their adoption, who don't struggle. They may be this way for a portion of their lives or forever. AND my observation is they aren't happy, sad, or angry- they are ambivalent and they certainly aren't hanging out on a website arguing with strangers. I would ask those angry-happy adoptees to really ask themselves why they are here? There is nothing wrong with being angry, just don't claim to be so dang happy while you're at it.

I don't really care if others are angry in their adoptions. Well, I mean as a human being I certainly do care but I also recognize that it is their feelings and they are entitled to them.

What I get upset about is when I get told that I am in denial because I am happy with my adoption or when I get accused to brainwashing my adopted children into being happy with their adoptions as well. Some people don't seem to understand why I don't feel a need to search for my birth parents or how come I don't spend time wondering what was or what could have been. And thats fine with me. Just don't assume that I MUST feel a certain way because some studies have said that is now most people feel.

Just within the last week I've been called "pius" and "self righteous" and been accused of building my own "franken-family" because we have done both an international adoption and a domestic adoption of children of different races and cultures then my wife and I.

I just chalk it up to the source and try not to let it suck me down to someone else's level.