Just when its safe?.. (warning.. its long)?

I hope you had a great New Years. I know I did.

As for your question, sorry about the late reply. This is a tough one. I have quite a few thoughts so it may be all jumbled up. I'll do my best to keep it as short as possible.

Having been forced to break up with him years ago definitely does change the situation. In the back of your head your thinking that if that had not happened things might have been different. Because it was forced it also induces that "want what you cant have" element complicating things more and making your brain and heart hold on to him more than if it had been your decision to break up.

It is rather natural to go back in to GF/BF mode if that is what you to were used and is also how you are used to relating to each other. However, the fact that you felt nothing when he talked about being together and getting married, to me indicates that he is a lost ideal in your heart. Even though at one point you wanted to hear those words, the fact that you feel nothing makes me think that your heart has decided that this relationship is not worth pursuing. I admire you for being loyal and admire you even more for not idealizing someone who does not deserve it.

I think you summed it up in the first line when you said you are miserably and unnecessarily loyal. It sounds like this guy does not bring out the best in you. I do not think that your family friend/confidence booster is the one who killed the flicker for your ex but that your heart has just truly let go of something that may never be before going to your grandmother's house.

I do think that you may have shut yourself off from new experiences when the flicker still existed in hopes that something may finally come after this 8 year turmoil. It is natural to do so but notural does not always mean beneficial. To me it seems this relationship with your ex has not failed but merely ran its course. I feel that if something great would have come out of it, it would have done so by now.

Take time to explore you. Enjoy the confidence boost that your family friend has given you. Think about your ideal man and pursue that. Do not let an old dying flame hinder the sparkle of new potential love. You sound like a wonderful, nuturing woman, with a great deal going on for her. I beilive that you can reach your full potential by following your heart.

12 yrs previous isn't "very previous" - its previous yet very previous might want to be 15+ yrs. And if he's frail and malnourished, there's an outstanding chance he gained't proceed to exist interior the nice and cozy temperature outdoors. he will more beneficial then possibly dehydrate instantly and which will reason his lack of existence. i comprehend you don't want to take heed to "take him to the vet", yet heavily except this cat receives to the vet now, you gained't ought to stress about taking him later, you may only bury him once you come. And if he is going interior the hollow below the shed, opportunities are extreme he will die there. i comprehend you want to take heed to effective issues, yet i'm telling you reality. in case you want him alive once you come, you'll convey him contained in the domicile and characteristic the neighbor come over to feed and provides him water. The neighbor could come a minimum of two cases an afternoon and under no circumstances something a lot less.

I think you nailed it on the head exactly. It sounds to me like you allowed yourself to indulge in 'feelings' for this guy in order to give you the protection and elation you needed when times weren't that good. I feel that you should be just as honest with him as you are with yourself because in the long run you'll both appreciate the gesture. Seeing as you know that you're having these troubles, take the time in the new year to work on what you need and see who can not only respect and understand that, but give it to you as well.

I think maybe you only liked this guy for so long because you were forced to give him up, and people tend to want what they can't have. So now that you're old enough to make your own decisions and nobody can tell you that you can't see him the desire has left. If you don't feel a connection with him any more then let him go and move on to somebody you do feel something for.

i hate to tell you but your heart is the only one that can tell you whats happening if you honestly feel like it doesnt want to beat for you 8 yr relationship anymore than dont force it to beat for him anylonger we only have one shot in life to find someone we love and if your going to waste love and waste his too it isnt right and if you were meant to be together it will happen maybe not now but the butterflies might come back if they need too and if he still loves you and you love him then your meant for eachother just see whats out there first for both your sakes -good luck