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How do you truly rid yourself of someone who is completely toxic?
I have this ex who I have remained miserably loyal to for 8 years (since my parents forced me to break up with him). Every time I see him/talk to him I always feel like this sense of obligation. Like since I was the one who broke up with him and he has never 'betrayed' me like that then I need to tolerate things.. and sort of punish myself. I have tolerated things from him like.. him being very vulgar in front of my family, him treating me in a less then respectful way in public ( not like.. anything crazy like touching me or screaming at me.. but stuff he should know not to do). Basically.. if he were ANYONE else I wouldn't tolerate any of it. But something inside feels like since I broke his heart so long ago that this is like.. punishment. Anyway, I want to rid myself of this.. I changed his name to 'Toxic' on my phone so I wont answer.. I want to be rid of this burden. How can I do it successfully???
3 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Christy, I think I may just know who you are talking about and yet again your question is a tough one. I have been in this situation in the past too and it was hard!!! I think it is great that you already admitted that you are in essence punishing yourself. That is the biggest hurdle to get passed. Now what you need to do is keep reminding yourself that you were not the one to blame for the break up and do not need to punish yourself for it. It is easier said than done but you need to actively tell yourself whenever you happen to be around this ex that you are worth more than he gave you credit for. Ask yourself would I tolerate this from anyone else and if the answer is NO then stop the behavior dead in its tracks. Confront him immediately and say, "What you just did was inappropriate and demeaning. Please do not do that again."
Continue to not answer your phone! Get rid of old things that you may have of his. Wear a rubber band and when you find yourself wasting your cognition on him, snap the rubber band gently and move on to a happier thought. You deserve more. He is your ex and you are essentially the one giving him the power to make you miserable and let his toxicity become your own. Take the power back and put it to positive use!!!
I wish you the best and I have the utmost confidence that someone as smart, talented and special as you, can do this. I am proud of you girl!!!
- 1 decade ago
walk do not run away from this guy, if nothing else works get a restraining order on him. he sounds sick and probably is very sick. You feel guilt for breaking up with him and are allowing him to stay in your life because of it. realize that you have to distance yourself. Change your phone number and have it unlisted only give to people who do not know him and block his number from your phone number. It was your decision to break up with him so stand by that decision and quit saying my parents made me do this. Take responsibility and pride in the fact that you were strong enough to do this.CONGRATULATIONS
- MawiaLv 71 decade ago
In order for you to continue putting up with his abuse ~ that's what it is ~ there must be something in it for you. When you discover what that is and deal with that, you will be rid of your toxic ex.
