What is "severe" abuse?

A lot of parents especcially inexperienced, financially struggling and/or with no support system around them may abuse their child in a one off incident (for instance panicking when their baby cries and nothing stops it or neglecting it because they lack the knowledge or skills). In this case, as long as the abuse wasn't life threatening (which is the severe part) the parents, with the right support can get their lives back together and learn to parent with strategies and coping skills. Unfortunately unless the abuse is severe enough to be noticed, often the abuse will go unoticed and the parents will bury themselves deeper and deeper. That;s why I believe there should be support systems for all first parents.

Severe abuse is really abuse where the parents are deliberately abusing their child and have no remorse about it and/or the abuse is significantly endangering the child's life and well-being. I think in this case I believe it is okay to take the child away for its own sake and place them in a stable environment.

As someone else said though, a lot of foster or adoptive parents also abuse children. I was taken out of my biological family because my mother had a mental illness and the authorities thought she could harm me. She wanted me. I was placed in an adoptive home and then physically abused, ended up in hospital and had to be placed into foster care. So, you can never tell.

There's some excellent answers here already, so this is what isn't considered "severe" abuse, although they are all items that are considered abusive, and through education, working with the parents, there are things that even though they're abusive, there's still hope that the family can be successfully reunited. These, among other things include:

Yelling too often,

Leaving a child alone too young to run to the corner market

Dirty clothes left on a child too long

Too smal of car seats, causing rub marks

Lack of medical checkups & vaccines

Trying to feed a baby on such a strict schedule that the baby is hungry in between and constantly crying, or not feeding in the night, even if the baby is otherwise thriving.

In our foster parenting courses, there were things such as the use of marijuana in the home that were discussed. Even though I'm VERY against drug use, especially around children, sometimes the idiots that'd smoke it happen to be good parents otherwise, and the child isn't in imminent danger.

There is such a fine line that in some cases, a social worker might be more affected by a small thing that they remove the child, and that another case worker in the exact same situation might find that the child is fine in the home.

Severe abuse in our court was said to be anything that affects the child in a way that by staying in the home, temporarily or permanently, that further exposure can damage the child physically, mentally, neglecting, or emotionally. This line is still further split in the social worker's training manual because they have reunification rights for parents, training for parents, and the sad fact is, the system is so overloaded, that the lesser abusive cases sometimes get left behind, because they don't warrant immediate attention, and then the case gets worse before it gets better, and the child ends up in the system anyway. Many times, the difference of severe abuse and not, is nothing more than a social worker's opinion. God help and bless them all, because I don't think I could handle that job.

First I want to say, all abuse is harmful and hurtful to a child.

I do not use the word "severe" when I talk about removal of a child. Any abuse that is proven or suspected should justify a child being removed and placed into foster care, to protect the child.

BUT, when I say that TPR can happen quickly when there are cases of "severe" abuse, I pretty much mean examples where the child requires medical attention or where the offender is arrested.

Examples include: broken bones (and there are specific breaks that are indicative of child abuse); rape, which is young children can leave lacerations, scarring, etc; burns; stabbing, shooting, being tied to the bed and whipped, etc. All of these if prosecuted correctly as felonies, would lead to substantial jail time.

I also think "severe" has a time element to it. Has the abuse been on-going for months, years, versus a one or two time event, when a parent lost control (I don't mean that is right).

I also think "severe" has an element to it of urgency. For example, if the child was not taken NOW, there is an immediate danger to their lives.

=====Real-life meaning========

When I was in care, the children who DID NOT go back to their bio-families came from cases of "severe" abuse. We were the kids that were taken under emergency conditions; where if not removed, there was a danger to life and where abuse had been on-going for awhile and escalated over time.

(ie beatings to stabbing; rape to violent rape, etc)

POLL: 1. Child 2. Animal 3. Elderly 4. Spousal 5. Mental 6. Physical :-)

I agree that intent has a lot to do with it. I realize that domestic violence is quite a different area, but this question reminds me of a study I read awhile back that was done on DV relationships.

http://www.amazon.com/When-Men-Batter-Women-Relati...

One thing that the researchers discovered was that there are two different types of abusers, which they termed "pit bulls" and "cobra's" (which is actually kind of funny, because I worked at a battered women's shelter named COBRA at the time that this book came out...lol). Here's an excerpt from the inside cover of the book:

"Pit Bulls, men whose emotions quickly boil over, are driven by deep insecurity and an unhealthy dependence on the mates whom they abuse. Pit Bulls also tend to become stalkers, unable to let go of relationships that have ended.

"Cobras, on the other hand, are cool and methodical as they inflict pain and humiliation on their spouses or lovers; in one chilling discovery, the authors found that during violent arguments and physical beatings the heart rate of Cobras actually declines. Cobras have often been physically or sexually abused themselves, frequently in childhood, and tend to see violence as an unavoidable part of life.

"Knowing which type a batterer is can be crucial to gauging whether an abusive relationship is salvageable (Pit Bulls can sometimes be helped through therapy) or whether the situation is beyond repair."

I don't know if this really covers it well, but part of the discussion in the book is that Cobra's are much more deadly. They're the ones with the "intent", like Opedial was talking about. Pit Bulls are more like those parents who just get really frustrated and don't have good coping skills. Cobra's generally don't think there's anything wrong with what they're doing - or don't care if anyone else thinks it's wrong - while Pit Bulls just feel as though they've been driven to do something they already know is bad. Cobra's don't care about the consequences, while Pit Bulls will try to cover it up because they truly do love their partner (maybe not in an entirely healthy way, but they do love them).

I think the same distinction can be drawn in parent/child relationships, too. The personality and intent of the abuser, along with their own life experiences and how they deal with those experiences, contribute quite a bit.

Regardless, a child who is being abused needs to be kept safe one way or another. The question is, is the child safer (mentally AND physically) in their own family while they receive services, or with another family? Unless you're psychic, it's going to be really hard to say for sure what the right answer to that is in every case.

ETA: Kitta, that is a GREAT question, and something that should be considered by those in charge of who takes children from whom.

When fostering I had children who had been abused in many formats. These are all awful. In most situations it was parents who grew up that way, or were repeating their own cycles, or had no parenting skills and their frustration grew too strong etc. These parents still loved their children and needed help. What they did was wrong, but if they learned the children went back home and in fact things can work out.

I had two girls though where the abuse separated itself to severity. The indivindual was evil. The things he did to the children were evil. They were not the case of an overworked, overburdened parents, it was the case of a saddist loving the thrill of hurting little children. He went to jail and it was no brainer that he was out of children's life for good.

So I have seen quite a few cases and to me severe abuse often has the tag of intent behind it...they intend to hurt, where other cases they just don't know what else to do. (not an excuse but a reality)

I can give you an example of severe abuse at the hands of a mother and father: My husband works at a hospital and called me almost in tears when a 2 year old baby came in with bruises covering her entire body, including her genitals, broken bones, bite marks, cigarette burns, and he said her face looked worse than a UFC fighter. Fortunately she was taken away and parents are in jail, but this was at the hands of her parents. I call this pretty severe.

I am very familiar with this subject and have seen many lives changed. For the person who was abused, it seems as if most have a less difficult time with this following them through they're life with such intrusion if the abuse was not as severe. As bad as any abuse is, there are, of course, various and there are whirlwinds of multiple abuse that can be possibly happening to someone. There's that word "severe". If Mother throws you against the closet and hits you with a broom, screaming and ranting and you run, you are controlled, must be pristine or a way that the abuser feels is an appropriate look and such things as neglect and not giving medical care. To be seen and not heard. preferring not to hear you or see you. You become secluded and feel as if there are secrets to adulthood and wonder what you did to make it seem as if they dislike you. Believe it or not, I call that mild-mid abuse. The abused, generally grows up and changes everything that reminds them of the behavior they received is what they stand against. These people have generally broken ties, not held any emotional connections to the parental family and are like as a new evolution. These people who have been abused, are rare. Reason being, If an abused child is living in an unsafe environment, this means that there is a whole new world of intrusive things and people who are aware of they're low grade life. This opens for the door for Child sexual abuse, Control from others than the control you are used to from a parent, Satanic forces that migrate to you, seeing a weakness, causing pain and affliction that is carried usually in the stomach area which now, commonly is known as gastreo issues. Long term illnesses that will not go away and an anxiety that has to be worked through and it's a long road and it's a longer road then you think. A person has to identify the severity of the abuse they were receiving. Was the world unsafe? Did everyone you turn to, use it to they're advantage? Do people use you for financial needs? discourage you from getting ahead? Unhappy because you are happy? This is an effect that happens to adult child abuse survivors. People actually see you're weakness and when you are getting strong, You will see who really wants healing for you. You find out who has really been an enemy that you held dear to you. Sincerely, I believe that unfortunately, severe child abuse is the physical and mental break down of a victim's body over time. One incident, we've all been through something. This is not acceptable at all but it does not affect the overall chemicals and diseases that plague a person through life. As said before, This person generally realizes the situation they are in and do not have multiple abuse going at multiple times. A child who is going through a whirlwind of abuse and entrapment and has been told there is death coming to the whole family if you do not do as they say and as you grow, others take advantage of the vulnerability of what the abused is trying to hide. If the abused comes out and speaks up, many times, this does not go well at all, therefore, feeling more secluded while abuse continues into adulthood, intruding thoughts, unaware to do tasks, forgetting to care for yourself are all a result of severe Child abuse. As you can see, Many people are "abused" in sorts of ways that are something we can throw away and there are others, who had a very long history and things do not change internally except get worse until you work harder than you have ever worked for anything in you're life. When a person breaks, they know it. In my opinion, this is severe child abuse. In the story of the boy who was passed from women to women and had his toes broken and had to drink awful things as the women did this and adding verbal abuse. This is the key to what the natural man does not understand. This is a spiritual attack that comes from every angle like a thunderstorm. The fact that the boy helped the authorities locate and prosecute these women, probably have little to worse meaning for him. The abused does not know why they were chosen. As if they were a living sacrifice. a sacrifice without an evil ritual and no death does not seem as a living sacrifice, you say? I mean literally. A living breathing child who's life and soul is being sacrificed daily. I have also seen this in dogs which is amazing, because they are quite like us you find, when it comes to abuse and entrapment. I have cared for dogs that have been severely abused and can say that you don't want to wonder what all happened, unfortunately, it shows in they're behavior. I believe human beings can be seen the same way and whether they are around loving people who want to help or people who can't stand to see the weak and want them destroyed in some fashion whether it is continued abuse or a physical threat to that person. As long as the abused is around the abuser, there will be trauma and there will be physical and mental anguish which can at times feel like death. These are all what I have seen from studying live people and animals and studying the arts of human reactions and actions and from many people who I have been close to. 9 out 10 people studied had been abused. The ones who had been severely abused was near half that and you could tell the degrees of abuse from they're behavior. It is sad and it is also sad that abusers feel the urge to do so. Some to take the feeling away of what someone important done and accept all the blame which means they are that person they feared being. most, live a simple life and do the best struggle day to day. praying every day for a miracle and staying positive, keeping hope and moving on although inside, they may be struggling. A severely abused child will try not to expose they're true emotions and despair because people cannot accept that. especially, someone who has pushed child abuse to the back of they're mind and thinking they are controlling it. It will always re-surface if it is not dealt with but after time, learning to blend in with other people, they just seem a little strange on the outside, on the inside, they are still trying to survive.

I think the term is all relative to the person using it. For some, a spanking would be severe abuse and to others it would be bruises and broken bones.

I don't think the system makes any differentiation though and abuse is abuse. People just add the extra "severe" on for added effect.

Spanking with a paddle (no marks left) of a 16 year old versus spanking with a paddle of a 16 month old......one would be acceptable one would not be acceptable.

Same scenario on the 16 year old......but only now the 16 year old is bruised to the point sitting down is impossible and tiny tears in the skin......that would be severe.

I have placed many children in adoptive homes, have read the histories of each one of them as doumented by many different caseworkers and poverty in and of itself was not the primary reason the kids were picked up. Poverty and dangerous shelter, nasty roach infested (with pictures to support the claim), rotting food in the refrigerator and for instance drug abuse/sexual abuse/third party perp/physical abuse/unwillingness to affect change on the part of the caregiver.....Now, I understand some people are poor but the line must be drawn to bear distinction between being poor and being too lazy to get up and clean your house. There are still people in my state who live in homes with dirt floors (yep, it is true), no running water and outdoor toilets and their homes are cleaner than mine.......that distinction, accepatble and severe.

Sexual abuse.......no distinction. Anyone who would sexually abuse a child is a maggot and is only pereptuating a cycle and a virtual nightmare. Sexual abuse of any kind is severe.

A parent who works, is providing a clean stable home life for their family and comes home every nite and has a drink to relax after helping their child/ren witht heir homework.....acceptable. Same kids, parent cannot get up to go to work, alcoholism is evident, kids not attending school regularly and are unsupervised, house is teetering on the brink of being a hovel and atmosphere is clearly boggled.......severe.

Two year old wandering along the edge of a busy highway, dressed for the weather.....parent is found frantically searching for two year old......potential disaster, but upon ivestigation it is clear this has never happened before but the child can be made safe with installation of locks at the tops of doors and the gate on the fence being locked up.....acceptable. Same two year old found wandering the same highway while the parent is passed out and can barely be roused when the home is located, two year old is wearing a diaper, is dirty and smells bad, the weather is below a comfortable temperature and the parent is totally unaware the child is missing and cannot relate how long they had been "passed out".......house is in dissaray and not habitable and upon investigation, this has happened before......severe.

A clear definition of what is severe and what is not severe......I think that is not really feasible but when examining the situtaion and counting risk factors....that is possible and can add up then to being severe.

I have seen many scenarios as I have related above...and then some more. Children with sock burns, that is where a child's feet are immersed in hot or even boiling water....severe. Children with donut burns, that is where the child's buttocks is immersed in scalding water usually for toilet training reasons.....severe. 16 year old teens who can relate sexual abuse from an early age....severe. Sexual abuse along a broad spectrum of any age....severe. Ripping a child's hair out by handfuls.....severe. Rotting teeth to the point a five year old must wear partial plates as they have no teeth....severe. Severe?? Yes, severe.....medicaid is available and would pay for all preventaive dental care and there is even public transit to take the parent and child to the dentist.....severe.

Now, with all that jabber, I will not sit back with my colored glasses on and say Social Services is always right and childrne are far better off in foster care. I am not impressed with what we have and realize change is needed....but I have seen abuse, abuse so severe it haunts me and has shaped the person I am now and I was not even the one being abused.....

Careful investigation by schooled workers and case by case analysis is key in family preservation and when a child is removed, clear intervention and resourcefulness on the part of the worker and willingness of the parents to make the change is what will get families back together.