Can you make this funny?

I have to write a story (1 page) that pertains to me and then transcribe it. I can do the transcription, but the story is giving me problems. I want it to be humorous, but I'm just not that funny. So if anyone has a humor streak and would help me I would be so grateful! Here is what I have:

The other day I had the displeasure of cleaning out my kids’ closets. Now, in an effort to avoid the tears and tantrums of departing with toys they are never going to play with again, I usually do this while they are at school. And don’t ya know they never miss those items they claim to love so much! Both my husband and I know that this needs to be done on a regular basis, but there are the select few in my family that just don’t understand. Meet my dad, the hoarder. Now, dad isn’t a classic hoarder like you see on Dr. Phil whose house is completely overrun with junk, but he just can never seem to part with his beloved stuff. After all, you never know when that special something you’ve been keeping for the last 30 years will come in handy. When dad couldn’t fit anymore stuff under his trailer, he went out and bought two of those metal storage buildings and is on his way to cramming them full too! Now, I admit there are belongings, such as my wedding dress, that I have crammed in a dark closet somewhere that will probably never see the light of day again and I have trinkets in my curios, but they serve an aesthetic purpose. And while I’m sure that my dad has sentimental belongings, most of his stuff he keeps because he thinks that one day it will be worth a fortune and when he passes, my brother and I will be millionaires. For instance, crammed in his closet are marbles, Lincoln Logs, remote control cars, and various other junk.

I always joke around and say that when dad does pass I'm just gonna cry over the millions I've lost while I toss the match. So, anyone out there that can make this funny?