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Ice
Lv 6
Ice asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Miss Victoria. Comments?

Becoming short skirts and lovely long legs,

And plenty of coffee with her easy-up eggs;

Candles and poetry, a kiss on the cheek,

Asleep on the couch, her dreams she doth seek.

Bundles of pics and letters and cards,

Inspires me to be nothing less than her Bard;

Glances and smiles over upturned collars,

A mere look from her is worth countless dollars.

Long black dresses and glasses of wine,

Dinner's at eight, soaked suits are at nine;

Be it Sal's or Tony's or Rosewood or Ki's,

Wherever she goes, the men use their eyes.

Sheer black hose with a seam up the back,

'Pleasures' is right, her charms do not lack;

Clanking and clinking with bracelets and rings,

The sound of her nearing makes my heart sing.

Puppies and Kats, and imagination galore!

Sweetness and light, with truth as its core;

All of the Angels, and more, that is she,

The only conclusion is that God has blessed me.

2 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You come closer to being a bard than many I've seen here. You sew your words together nicely.

    You have a couple of lines I really like:

    "Long black dresses and glasses of wine," and

    "Becoming short skirts and lovely long legs,"

    You held your meter fairly consistently and your rhyme scheme was uniform. You used both action and picture words that allowed me to 'watch' your story unfold.

    Nicely done. Where is Miss Victoria now?

  • 1 decade ago

    Nice rhyme. Syllable count uneven.

    Good description.

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