Best Man Issue-How to handle?

Question

Hi Guys, So I just got engaged (yay) and my fiancee is having issues with choosing a best man. There is a guy he was like Best Friends with for about 4 years, but who split up with his wife last year. When he did, he moved in with bunch of his friends and has kind of stopped showing up as a friend. He will make plans and cancel at the last minute, or he just won't call when he says he is going to. I feel like my fiancee is getting screwed over because this was the only guy he ever felt REALLY close with and could confide in. So anyone else he picks will really just be so that he has Someone. What should I do? Talk to the guy myself? Try to convince my fiancee to call him? We really want him to come back to the friendship. Thanks

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

In your friend's defense, he is probably going through a really tough time, still. And it may be that being around the two of you reminds him of the happier times with his ex. With that said, he needs to be able to move on and recognize the people who love him and care for him are still in his life.

Talk to your husband and find out exactly how he feels about the situation. Then, depending on how close you are to his friend, either you have a heart-to-heart with him over coffee or something of the sort (don't do anything like lunch, in case one or the both of you feel awkward and want to leave), or encourage your fiance to do it. But, I would suggest avoiding both of you doing it together, especially if your friend is still hurting from his divorce and the two of you remind him of what he lost. Plus, two people talking to him about it might seem like an attack (even if its not). Good luck.

shelcatsmom · Answer

Nothing wrong with talking to people. How else are you going to know unless you ask? You can talk to the guy, so can your fiance. 

It will give you a clue if he fails to show up for the conversation or blows you off in some other way. Or acts enthusiastic, but bails when a plan comes up, like a date to pick out a tux. 

So have a back up guy in mind. This may be the only guy your fiance really prefers, but if it is not to be, someone else will. Maybe that someone else will turn out to be his future best friend!

Woods · Answer

Take some time and see if you can get together with this guy. You'll be able to make a wise decision after seeing how he's responding to the news of the engagement. 

I wouldn't forget him, but wouldn't immediately ask him either. Just observe for a bit so you can make a wise choice.

Anonymous · Answer

That guy doesnt sound like a friend.A friend would call.Forget about him.

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Best Man Issue-How to handle?

4 Answers