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Discussing fertility with an older man?
My boyfriend is 40 and I am 29. I love him and I can totally see myself marrying him (vice versa). But I suddenly got this crazy idea as to why he has no kids...in a way im happy....better for me because I dont think i would marry anyone with kids that are not mine. But on the other hand, its still rare that he doesnt have children especially since he was engaged and was in a 16 year relationship (high school sweethear kinda thing) and most men at 40 usually have kids already. I started thinking what if he cant have chidlren? Anyway, I want to make sure that he is able to have children before we take that step but I want to talk to him about it without making him feel bad. I really want children of my own and Ithink it would be a huge issue if he cant procreate. How do i bring this up? We have talked about having children and he says he want kids but i still have that itch in me. Am I crazy?
3 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
If you think you might marry this man one day - then this is something you need to address with him. It's not very romantic, but at least you'll get it out in the open, and if he says he has a problem you can start discussing ways forward (eg fertility treatment, sperm donor). And, you ought to be able to discuss these sorts of issues with someone you are thinking of spending your life with.
I know there are risks in discussing this sort of thing, but unless this is a "deal breaker" as far as you are concerned, you should be able to find a way to bring it up without upsetting him. Why not just ask him a bit like you have phrased it above - you wonder why he didn't have kids with the woman he was engaged to, especially since he says he wants them. It may just be that they were never ready, or she didn't want them.
He may not even know if he can have kids - perhaps you don't know if you can either - most people don't know until they try. But, chances are good that there is no problem for either of you.
Good luck :-)
- Anonymous1 decade ago
No not crazy. Perfectly normal reaction I'd say. Maybe the fact that he hasn't tried to have children with you is whats concerning you. There's no perfect way to bring this up without hurting his feelings. Maybe you should just ask him if he wants children and take it from there. If it turns out that theres a bigger issue at hand, then thats something you'r just going to have to deal with because eventually it would come up. Just sit down with him and have a thorough conversation with him about it.If he pays close attention to you, eventually he's going ot notice that itch you just feel about the whole situation because it shows in your behavior.Better you address it now while you have it brought up than later and feel even more uncomfortable about it.
- 1 decade ago
no not at all.. that is def info you should have so you can made a decision in which you can live with
