My son is 17 and I'm scared for his future?

Question

After years of fighting him to go to high school, he finally dropped out and got his GED.  He enrolled in a community college and is working evenings in a pizza shop.  Now, he tells me he is failing his classes and school just isn't for him.  He is very smart and funny and kind to his little brother, but seems to have no willpower to stick things out...very undisciplined!  (my fault, I'm sure).  I try to support all of his decisions the best I can, but I'm having trouble with this one.  We do talk alot and he knows how important an education is, but says he just wants to work realizing that he'll probably get nowhere.  He sleeps in til noon, plays basketball til 4 and works from 5-10.  He has plenty of spending money and is saving some too, but once child support ends when he turns 18 in June and he can no longer be on his father's insurance (because he won't be a full time student) he has to have something.  Everything I recommend is put down for one reason or another.  I know that he is young and may grow up and mature enough in a few years to "get it", but so far what I've seen from him is a lack of any motivation.  He says he's sorry he let me down, wants to make me proud, wants an education, but just isn't "into it".  I go from kindness to sarcasm within seconds in our conversations.  Is there any way to motivate a boy who isn't?  BTW his girlfriends works and goes to college for nursing;  she is very ambitious and disappointed too, but she loves him like I do.  Charge him rent at 18?  Throw him out?  I don't think I can do either of those things.  HELP!

madiesmum · Accepted Answer

you can ask for board now if he is working - my parents did from the time i was 16 and working for them in their shop. i am having the same dificulties as you now with my 16 yr old girl. she has finally decided its too hard finding a job right now and has gone back to school - 6 weeks after it started back so she will have a really hard time catching up. she also isnt living here at the moment as she would rather be near the coast and not in the country with me, so resides with my parents who are being stressed out by her attitude to life.
this is hard and he sounds like a good kid who just needs a break and who knows next year he may decide that he can go back to school or may find more work. set some rules like getting up and helping around the house instead of sleeping all the time. if he is to live there then he needs to contribute to the chores and his girl friend will appriciate that too once he moves into his own place sometime.
dont blame yourself as this is what a lot of teens are like and there are some much worse.

Dovahkiin · Answer

The bottom line is as long as you (or anyone else) makes life easy for him he has no reason to get motivated. You say one thing but enable him to continue this lifestyle. It is like giving beer to an alcoholic and saying don't drink this. He won't "get it" until he is forced to get it thru necessity. I suggest counseling for you to find out why you can't let go and help him become a man.

david a · Answer

I  think you need to give him some time to figure out what he wants to do remember he is only 17yr.   some kids take longer than others.  you can just try to stand by him.  and let him know you love him

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My son is 17 and I'm scared for his future?

3 Answers