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CONTEST! 10 POINTS! CAN U THINK OF MORE JOKES THAN ME?
I've got 25 jokes think U can beat that? bet not, and no coping and only
non cussing jokes, my 10 year old friend does like to read funny jokes too you know,
A woman invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the woman answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?',
A woman called her doctor to complain about her husband's snoring. "Is there anything you can do?"
"Well, there is one operation that will cure your husband, but it's rather expensive. $1,000 plus $450 a month for 36 months."
"Omy gosh " exclaimed the woman, "that's like leasing a sports car!"
"Hmm," the doctor murmured. "Too obvious, eh?"
why do barbers make good drivers?
because they know all the short cuts,
ben's dad was building a pine bookcase, and ben was
watching and occasionally helping.
"what are the holes for?" ben asked.
"they're knot holes", said his dad.
"what are they, then, if they're not holes?" said ben.
Where do geologists go for entertainment?
to rock concerts,
how did benjamin franklin discover electricity?
it came to him in a flash,
what kind of person thinks bath is electric because it has a plug?
an idiot, thats who!
dumb warning on back of joke book;
"beware, word tricks and limericks
can make you or your friend look like a
bit of a fool too,
why is a classroom like an old car?
cuz it full of nuts, and has a crank at the
front, ha ha ha
did you hear about the florist who had
two kids?
one's a budding gunius and the other's
a blooming idiot,
what do you get if you cross a hedgehog
with a giraffe?
a long-necked toothbrush,
why does a stork stand on one leg?
because it would fall over if it lifted the other one,
what's an american cat's favorite car?
a catillac,
my dog saw a sign that said "wet paint"
so he did!
whats a snail?
a slug with a crash helmet,
what did the dumb ghost name his pet tiger?
spot,
how did the police scare the bugs away?
they called for the S.W.A.T. team,
what crawls and wears uniforms and helmets?
army ants,
why was the firefly flashing on and off?
his light was on the blink,
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I'm standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet aren't empty!".
how do you drowned a blondie?
drop something shiny in the water,
(tarzan speaking)
me sit on flor, mom in kitchen she make meatlaof, eww,
she sit in char, me replace phone with remote, meatlaof catch on fire,
mom try to dial 911 but only change channel to discovery........funny,
me sit on flor, mom sit in char, mom go to bathroom, me go to char,
replace remote with phone, mom come back, try to change channel but she dial 911..........funny,
knock knock
who's there
enterupting cow
enterupting cow wh,
MOOOOOOOO!
knock knock,
who's there,
but,
but who,
no it's "but what" you idiot!
hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and you have to type every one uf YOUR
jokes or you won't win.
if you won't put anything on here or
just "can't be bothered" or your gonna say my jokes are lame (which some of them are) then............
DON"T ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8 Answers
- babyboomerLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
Here's my collection of dumb blonde jokes. They were originally typed by me.
Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to Disney World?
She saw a sign saying: "Disney World Left" so she went home.
Q: How can you tell a FAX has been sent from a blonde?
A: There's a stamp on it.
Q; Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: Because they can't remember the recipe
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.
Q: Why did the blonde put her money in the freezer?
A: She wanted cold hard cash!
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Glue a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q:What do you call two blondes in a freezer:
A: Frosted flakes
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just had her hair styled and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: What is another name for a "dumb blonde"?
A: A "Light-Haired Detour Off the Information Superhighway."
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
A: They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!
Q: How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
A: When her tampon is behind her ear and she cant find her pencil.
Q: How do you make a blonde go crazy?
A: Tell her to sit in the corner of a circular room!
Q: Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes closed?
A: Because she wanted to see what she looked like asleep
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: Keep breakin em' with hammers.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block
Q: Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
A: They take off their makeup.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container for 15 minutes?
A: It said 'concentrate'
Q:Why did the blonde visit the post office 50 times in one day?
A:Her computer kept saying she has mail.
Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A: She threw away all the W's
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
- Anonymous5 years ago
During a visit to the Mental Asylum, a visitor asked the Director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?" "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand, "said the visitor. "A normal person would use a bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?" --------------------------------------... This guy is sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making bully steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The bully says: ''Come on man, I was just joking. Tell ya what, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying.'' ''No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss was outrageous and fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, paid the cab driver, and the cab drove off. It was then I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I finally got home only to find my wife was in bed with another man. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison...
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Thanks for those lovely jokes, but Hey! Here's one that will beat all 25...
A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in big trouble this time! God is missing and they think we did it!"
Okay! Now just in case the scores are tied here's one more to win the contest...
•There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"
*
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
Its spelled as interrupting not enterupting
- Anonymous1 decade ago
i could, just cant be bothered,
and them jokes were pretty lame,
no offence
