Waiting Till Marriage For Sex? Relationship Trouble? Help?

This is absolutely not your fault. You made a mutual decision to wait and there's nothing wrong with that. If the situation were reversed, and you were a woman asking if it's your fault your fiance got some other girl pregnant you'd get 56 responses calling him a pig and you a saint because you wouldn't let him pressure you into sex. The people who are chastising you are just plain hypocrites.

It sounds like Ashlea is really defensive and is behaving like a guilty woman. You need to sit her down and sort this whole thing out. If she cheated on you (which I think you already suspect is the case), she cheated on you. Then it's up to you to decide if you can get over that. Some people can, and some people can't.

If she still refuses to talk to you about anything, you might have to start seriously thinking about if this is the woman you want to spend your life with. Things are going to come up and she can't just avoid you for the rest of your lives.

I think it is thoughtful and nice of you wanting to wait to have sex and from what you have said it sounds a bit werid, her coming home without her bra? The only thing you can do is sit down and talk to her and let her know how your feeling. It must be frustrating for the both of you, but can I just say, you have been with eachother for 3 years and you said "I dont want this to be a realtionship where its based on, how good it is in the bedroom" do you seriously think that your relationship would be based on that? You have been together quite a while without having sex and your relationsip has been strong up until this point. You need to ask her why she is behaving like this, it could be because of the sex issue or something else. Only she has the answer for you. If it is the sex issue however, you will have to tell her how you feel about it but then you have to think about it from her point of view. Maybe she thinks that you dont find her attractive and that your pushing her away when she wants to get intimate.

Good luck.

You need to sit her down and talk all about this. We cant tell if she is cheating or not although it would seem likely with what you have said in your question. Whether she is pregnant or not will soon become clear, the mere fact that she is refusing to tell you the result of the test makes me think she is pregnant or why else cover up?

Only you can decide whether you can get over the fact that she may have cheated. You have to decide whether you can live with that fact, if not then you will have to move on, if it transpires she HAS been cheating of course.I can well understand the sleepless nights you are having (been there, done that...as most of us have been at one time or another). You seem to be doing everything right and not being too confrontational but as she isn't playing the game you can only sit and wait.

I wish you the best of luck sweetie

From what you wrote, this is what I'm thinking:

a) After becoming engaged she felt secure in your relationship... that you wanted her to be in your life permanently as your wife. So she felt more comfortable about having sex with you...that you wouldn't just be using her.

or

b) She lost her resolve and did have sex with someone else and feared she was pregnant, so she decided to cover it up by trying to get you to sleep with her.

However, these are just theories. The best thing to do is to have an open and honest conversation with her. It's interesting that you're calling her illness "morning sickness" like you already know that she is pregnant even though she hasn't confirmed this with you.

If she is, I hope that you find it in your heart to forgive her. It doesn't sound like she's a compulsive cheater. It just sounds like she might have made a momentary mistake.

Well... if she missed her period and is having symptoms of morning sickness, I believe it is pretty safe to assume she is pregnant. If you and she have never had sex, then it's pretty safe to assume she had sex with someone else....

But.... could it be possible that your imagination is running away with you? Do you know for a fact that she missed her period and has had morning sickness? If you do know this for sure, then you know your answer. If you are not sure and only guessing, you could risk your whole relationship if you make accusations.

Have you tried just asking her? If you feel strongly that she was unfaithful, perhaps you can request that she take a pregnacy test and reveal the results to you. But keep in mind, that she can always go and have an abortion without you realizing it.

You are in a tough situation. Think it out carefully.

Aahh u seem like a very sweet guy, i feel that is y u r being used and cheated on.

I also feel she is pregnant and does not want to tell u.

Its not ur fault if she didn’t want to wait till after marriage she should have said not go sleep with some other.

I think u should be happy u no now and not after u got married.

Coz like my mum always says once a cheat ALWAYS a cheat.

Take care of ur self and don’t let her get to u do what is best for u

Some girls do and some don't. I honestly think that it would be a great thing to wait until marriage, but sometimes things just happen and some girls just choose not to wait which doesn't necessarily make them a **** just because it. If a girl chooses to have sex before marriage she just needs to be smart and careful about it.

If this is a real question, yes, it sounds like she is absolutely cheating on you.

Tell her that you need to know what the deal is. You need to be able to trust the person that you are marrying and if she is pregnant, she can't hide it from you.

Buy a pregnancy test and have her take it in front of you. If she's pregnant, its obviously not yours and you need to cancel the wedding.

Whatever you do, do not sleep with this woman because it sounds like she's knocked up and is going to try to make you think it's yours.

Good luck. You need it.

Liam, are you ready for the truth? She cheated and wanted you to have sex with her because she was already pregnant. As hurtful as it might be it is better that you found out now than later in the relationship.

Her actions by going to the doctor and refusing to tell the results was, is the sign for me that she wasn't being faithful. It also very hard to have been a sexual relationship before and change when you get involved with someone again. My heart goes out for you but you deserve better my friend.

Sounds like hyper stress to me.

But then again... She could have cheated and then be suckering you into having sex with her so that at the end of 9 months, she could say, "The baby's yours!"

Get ready to defend yourself by having a DNA test.

Is she leaving any evidence of an early pregnancy test around?

I hope you get this resolved. If it ends in the negative, please seek out some counseling to help you deal with this!

*

*

*