Poem #2: Extremely rough poem...What do you think?

Dang, I'm blonde!

I played with it, and the ending is good, I just changed one word. Didn't feel a title, though...maybe it's untitled? Goodstuff, though...you're GOOD at this! ♥

I think,

when the light goes

out

reality twists.

A million ants in this

ant hill.

Whatever career

fits.

Stumbling past

neon lights,

thinking of chances

I missed.

And I wonder.

Maybe there's a woman

somewhere

haunted in her dreams,

a girl with coal black hair

longing to find me.

I know.

My stomach twists and turns,

I haven't slept

in days.

The sky turns

a purple haze,

waiting for a brighter

day

when this crystal city

crumbles.

I'm coming to find you.

I stir my vodka with

my straw

and I'm sure we both

know

That doesn't seem like me,

does it?

Doesn't really seem like your girlfriend loves you as much as you might think. If she is making you this upset and flirting with other guys in front of you, then i'm sorry hun you can find someone SO much better. Don't let yourself get hung up over some girl who's not gonna treat you right. I know it's hard... but the longer you stay with someone who upsets and mistreats you, the harder and more painful it will be in the long run. Good luck with everything.

Is this a Joke???

Hahah jkkkk, that's a really beautiful piece of Art. I didn't know The Joker was a poet, i thought he only sucks at life.

Oh wait, that was the other Joker who died last year......:P

Just a brainy idea for your last part -

That doesn't sense like something i'd do

just something i wish could be true

My lamenting Wish, buoying so vainly

into deep mysterifying blue

That's a smooth as 15 year old Scotch my friend. Let me add my name to the people that will encourage you to keep writing poetry.

Nicely done for a rough draft.

This is great. I like Iris' take on it. But, I like the original too. Put it aside and come back to it in a few days. It'll all come to you then.

wow, jokers not just a pretty face :) i like it!

stick a '?' at the end :P and play around with the ending a little,

the thing as a whole flows beautifully, well done! ♥

The end : Needs either a '?' mark, or re-word it for a ray of hope.

Again, very poignant. You are good at this, Mr. Joker.

.

You stir vodka? Just drink it!:P

Its good though...

Methinks Im gonna get into this poetry business now watch this space...voila took me a minute, so isnt good!

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ak...

The words set the tone very well in this poem. I like it. Keep writing and God bless. :)

-Adam

Nice, actually, although I'm not really a harsh critic.