Is there ever a situation that makes it okay to cut off communications with your mother?

Question

I have had three psychologists tell me I shouldn't even speak or have a relationship with my mom because of both the way she raised us and the way she treats me now. We got in a huge fight, one that was many years in the coming, and are not speaking. I had a great relationship with my Dad, and one of her parting lines to me was "If you don't stop putting your Dad on a pedestal, we will never have a relationship." Dad and I were very close, talked nearly every day of my life, and he died a few years ago. Mom had some good points, but they are few and far between. She is a much better Grandma than she was Mom, but I finally spoke up about her being a negative role model to the kids, and said some stuff I regret. I apologized for the angry words, but not the context. She said some really nasty stuff to me too. Any suggestions?

? · Accepted Answer

Your psychologists should have their licenses revoked.
This is your MOTHER. Regardless of what she has said or done, forgiveness should override any negative feelings you have for her. Forgiveness doesn't mean you automatically try and establish a relationship with her, let that be her move. But forgiving her brings closure to you. It is now up to her wether she wants to speak to you or not. But be there for her if she needs you.

Feisty AKA Mrs · Answer

someone is going to have to be the bigger person. It might as well be you. Apologize for her being hurt by your works and ask her if you two can move forward being family accepting and forgiving each others personality flaws and actions. Life is short and all that would be meaningless if death was knocking at either of your door. So squash the drama. Get a positive attitude that you are gonna love her and be happy regardless of her past actions. It will be contagious, hopefully and in time you guys can move on and be a family.

Mickey · Answer

Oh dear, it is always hard when one has a falling out with a member of family, especially your mum.  It is hard to say whether or not you should continue to have a relationship with your mum given the lack of information above.  I can only give you my own personal advice and that is, that whatever you do, be it continuing on to have some sort of relationship with your mum or not, make sure not to haveany regrets and make sure that your kids understand where you are coming from because in years to come they will be asking questions about their Granny.  In conclusion, you must ask yourself is your life better off with your mum in it or not?  At the end of the day, she is your mum and life is too short to have regrets.  Hope it works out for you!

Anonymous · Answer

I am sorry that that happened to your dad. And I think if you try and forgive your mother even though it might be hard. You might have a hard time doing it but I might help make things better.

Hoping for the best, 
Jamie 
xx.

? · Answer

you've already had 3 professionals tell you to stop her insanity so I'd have to go along w/them hon- & best of luck to you+

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Is there ever a situation that makes it okay to cut off communications with your mother?

5 Answers