Worst wedding ever... should we have just eloped?

My wedding day was an object lesson that somehow responsibility has fallen by the wayside and you cannot simply trust people to do the job you hired them to do.

1. Our caterers: I gave them the deposit, drew them a map (this was 1992 before MapQuest, though I would still have written specific instructions) and called the morning of the wedding to be sure the specific people delivering the food knew the entrance to the private garden they were to go to in order to set up -- the reception side, not the ceremony side. They didn't need equipment because we had an afternoon summer wedding with just cold buffet and beverages, and we had the tables and tent already set. On my wedding video, just as my flower girl was about to head down the aisle, a man in white uniform can be seen teetering up the aisle with a huge box of rolls.

2. The same caterers, even though I'd spoken to them the morning of the wedding, failed to mention that they had to have cash for the remainder of the food bill on the day of the wedding. I was standing there waiting for my dad to walk me down the aisle, afraid that he had ditched me as he didn't really approve of the marriage (even though I knew he had too much class and cared for me too much to do that -- if he wasn't going to walk me down the aisle, he'd have said so earlier). Turned out he was on the other side of the garden, hidden by trees, sorting out with the caterers.

He'd asked them if he could pay when they arrived. They said yes. He was all ready to write a check. That's when they told him they must have cash as they'd be unable to call the bank on a Saturday afternoon. I mean really -- had they never done a Saturday wedding before? He'd had to leave the wedding, run to an ATM, get cash, and come back. Luckily the garden was only a quarter mile from an ATM.

3. Photographer failed to show. Luckily a photography student friend was there with her camera.

4. I ordered white chairs, and enough for the ceremony AND the reception, separately. I received brown chairs, only set up for the ceremony and the reception side had tables with no chairs. Thus the ushers and other guest-friends, my family and myself had to move the chairs across the property to the reception site. The entire reason I ordered the double set of chairs was to prevent that very scenario. The rental place's explanation: "We had another wedding that wanted white chairs and we figured since they weren't the color you wanted, you wouldn't want to see them twice."

5. Uninvited guests -- we invited husband's aunt and uncle. Aunt RSVP'ed just herself without uncle. She brought a friend neither of us had ever met instead, explaining that she and uncle were not getting along and she'd have more fun with friend. As a result of this and similar gaffes, later arriving guests had nowhere to sit. Had the RSVPs been accurate, there would have been plenty of chairs. Actually there were some empty chairs by husband's parents, but as they were acrimoniously divorced, no one would double up in the same row. I can't be too judgmental -- my parents were also divorced and my mother died thereafter. My mother's relatives would not have doubled up to sit with my dad's either. They all needed their own rows. :-P

And since the wayward caterer, the catering payment gaffe, sending the ushers to locate my dad, the seating of the parents, discovering the photographer would not be coming and the ceremony's start all happened within maybe ten minutes or less, we did not have the wherewithall to move the chairs to the back so the guests could sit. They sat a bit farther back at the gazebo instead.

End result: still married nearly 17 years later.

OMG...Sweetie I am so sorry if this happened to me I think I would want to elope too!! I say no wedding is perfect...Mine wasn't let me tell you about it, but first I will say that even though these things happened at our wedding they are things we will never forget and often look bad and laugh..I am still happily married almost two years..but here's my story of events..LOL

1. My helium balloons deflated because the hall told us they would leave the AC on and they didn't so all our pretty balloons gone.

2. The limo was late because the drivers car not the limo broke down so he was late so were we "fashionably of course".

3. The best man was helping his mom bring in something into the hall as the limo arived so he came running back got up to the gazebo where the groom is and went in his pockets to get the ring and he lost it...so, while I was sitting in the limo I see everyon looking at the ground I knew what happened I wasn't too dumb to realize it..But they found it!!

4. After the cake cutting we had candles lit around the cake and someone bumped the table the tablecloth caught on fire and everyone is looking for water but we all have alcohol finally it gets put out!!

5. My mother in law while during the parent dance got stung by a bee

6. My drunk aunt trying to sing

Well, there it is...I hope it made you feel a little better :0) Also, if you feel really bad go somewhere dressed really nice and get your vows renewed and some nice pictures :0) Have a good night

I've been told the worst wedding you'll ever be to is your own because of the stress of worrying that everything goes right. I don't think a destination wedding is a bad idea and if you wanted to, you could invite your immediate families to fly to Hawai'i (or wherever) to witness it and keep it small, but your most important loved ones are there. It's important though in doing a destination wedding with other people to not expect people to be there (purely because of time and money). There are also other ways to scale down your wedding if you don't elope. It doesn't have to be a huge event. You could elope in Hawai'i and have a reception later or just have a smaller wedding. I think if it's important to your parents and they're helping pay for it, you shouldn't elope. If you were paying for the whole thing, it's different.

Well, better a bad wedding than a bad marriage! I hope all is well now. I had a dream wedding but a nightmare of a marriage. I am not an organized person, so I knew a big wedding was not for me. We eloped to Maui, Hawaii. I would recommend it to anyone. It was perfect. Just the two of us, no stress. We had a photographer, videographer (since none of our family members would be there.) And the pastors wife served as our witness. We got married barefoot on the beach and it was perfect. But, like I said, the marriage sucked. I have now reconnected with my first love and we will be getting married in September. What I wouldn't give to redo that Maui wedding with the right guy this time! Oh well, you live and you learn. Good luck to you!

I'm not big on old wive's tales, so I don't know about bad weddings mean great marriage. Marriage is what you make it and that you have control over yourself in the marriage (don't get me wrong) you never have complete control of your marriage it is important to have your higher power first in the marriage. Unfortunately, though you cannot control all the many aspects of a wedding because so many are involved in this day. It is unfortunate that things didn't go the way you intended, however maybe this is GOD's way of showing you that ultimately you cannot control others and this will help you see that in a marriage you cannot control your spouse and the two of you will see that you need to compromise.It is important to NOT have GREAT expectations but rather desires that are communicated in a healthy way so as to not put a strain on your marriage. I wish you and your husband the best.

I'm pretty sure that if you have a rotten wedding it means you will have a great marriage.

Sorry your day was so poor but hopefully the rest of your life will be great :)

one of my friends got stung by a bee when she was walking down the isle and shes allergic so she didn't even make it all the way to the alter because she couldn't breathe :(

Sounds pretty bad, but also like you just didn't plan ahead...

*How can the rings get held up at customs? Were they made in another country or were you getting married abroad? If it is the latter, you should have just worn them and if for whatever reason they hadn't gotten there, it wouldn't be a big deal because you can always substitute a different ring. You shouldn't have stressed about that. It doesn't matter in the long run.

*Why were you collecting your own beef? You seem to have been using a caterer from your other issues -- is there a reason why you needed to go to the farmer yourself in order to get your beef?

*Don't splurge on the "type" of horses. I don't know why you did that. None of your guests will care and there are better things that you, as a host, can splurge on in order to make your guests' experience better.

*Also, was it a real horse and carriage or a "fake" horse and carriage. If it is the latter (as you say later), then I can't even imagine what that would look like. Cardboard?

*I can't imagine why you would order a cake you've never tasted from a baker you've never researched -- or why any of your friends and relations would call you at the last minute to tell you that your cake is going to taste awful. Sounds like rude friends to me. They aren't supposed to make you feel bad for your decisions or make you scramble for a new cake and lose your deposit on the one you already have. And for all you know, your first cake could have been just fine...one person's opinion shouldn't dictate a pre-wedding panic.

*In general, who are these people who arranged your wedding? How can you have all your ceremony music wrong and in the wrong order? Did you not check with the people right before the start of the ceremony? Could you not flag down a member of the waitstaff and remind them that the coffee and tea and after-dinner things should be out by now? Is there no one who can be held responsible for serving your dinner at the wrong time? That's totally unacceptable and I can't imagine how they could create such an egregious mistake unless you hadn't been in active communication with them in the days before your wedding.

I completely sympathize with you on the uninvited guests, the impolite guests who RSVP but don't show up (although really, those two things probably balanced each other out, so you can usually just say "c'est la vie" and move on), the photographer flaking out, and a bad DJ. Some things aren't preventable even with a lot of planning.

Sorry it was such a stressful event. I hope the honeymoon goes better!

EDIT: Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. It just seemed from your post that you hadn't put a lot of effort into the pre-wedding planning and communication with the professionals that you hired. We don't have a lot of money -- we're just driving our own car for transportation....no horses or anything....and we aren't hiring a DJ because we figure we can play our own music -- but we spent a lot of time interviewing and shopping around for the best deals and the most trustworthy individuals with good reviews for follow-through and attention to detail. These people are far from the most expensive, but they are people that we trust because we put a lot of effort into hiring them. It didn't take over our lives -- I have a very demanding job as a teacher and I don't have very much free time -- but we set aside the time to carefully select each person.

Part of our difference in planning styles may be related to location. I live in an urban area with lots of choices, so I wouldn't dream of hiring someone without interviewing them, etc and making sure that I trust them and feel comfortable with them. I understand that for those that live in areas where there are fewer choices at any particular price point, this may be more difficult.

We also started the planning process very early because people book up very fast around here -- especially the ones who provide good, but inexpensive services. We had our location, our florist, our photographer and our cake picked out and booked 10 months in advance. Because we had to book so early, we were able to make those decisions without a lot of stress. We also limited the number of people we have to deal with -- we only have a cake baker, a florist, a photographer, a few musicians and the woman at the reception site that we have to interact with on our wedding day.

So in any case, I apologize if I came off as snotty. It's not that I expect you to have unlimited time or unlimited funds, just that I personally made a lot of effort to only hire people I could really trust. I really do feel for you with your frustrations -- particularly having an acquaintance call you at the last minute to tell you that your cake baker is awful -- and I am sorry if I came off as sarcastic.

don't cry over spilt milk