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How is this poem about drugs?

I was thinking about things to write a poem about and this came to mind. I posted this on FictionPress but didn't get much feedback.. Constructive critisism is strongly appreciated. Anything I did wrong or what I can do to improve.

He was starting something terrible

and he was ending with it.

A burden carried on

fragile shoulders of those

who cared.

It was evil crushed

into grains. It promised

sweet releases.

As it had consumed his head,

it devoured his senses,

dominating over him.

it was suicide

rolled into a

tight joint.

Confusing his thoughts,

his life changed

in one night.

Such a large amount,

in such a short period

of time.

Precious time

he would never get back.

Craving more

with every puff,

every snort.

He knew

he was living a lie,

and he found out

that life has no meaning.

But he was continuing,

perishing.

It was a few weeks later

we found him lying

on the floor.

His heart not beating.

Hope you liked it! What did you think?

4 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    it's a great poem in a sad way ;)>

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It is ok, but it sounds as if you have not personally experienced the use, or misuse, of drugs. Try reading about the root cause of drug use and explore the end results. In most cases, overdose and death are far less calamitous than the horror of a life time of addiction.

  • 1 decade ago

    i like it. its allot better than mine

    __________________________________________________________

    popping all these pills my life is heading to the hills all the meds ive taken are hiting me harder than ever now i can not allow this xanax to go in my mouth or else i will be really f*cked up get the willys and wack out get chilly and black out cant see, hear or feal a thing these drugs really f*cking up my thoughts a whole lot now i need to stop, stop with the drugs stop doing this to my life get clean and spend some time with my wife.

  • 1 decade ago

    I like it!

    *Applause*

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