Help me evaluate whether my boyfriend is worth keeping?

Question

pros

1. says sweet things, good with the compliments
2. willing to do things like drive 5 hours to pick me up at the airport and back home without complaint
3. is willing to talk things out during conflicts instead of ignoring me or 
yelling at me for the most part 
4. is very affectionate
5. have some common interests (music, art, humor, gaming)
6. similar personalities so we get along well for the most part
7. can talk to him for long periods of time (upwards 12 hours on aim, 4 hours on the phone)
8. is pretty honest
9. he's usually pretty dependable to talk to when i feel down
10. sometimes buys me random gifts when he thinks i'm feeling down (thoughtful?)
11. doesn't get jealous even though all my friends are guys
12. listens to my advice (doesn't always think he's right)
13. was very willing to make long distance work initially (talked to me all the time online, webcam, phone, etc.) so maybe that will apply to the relationship in general?

cons

1. is younger than me (not at the same stage of life, i'll have to wait like 5+ years before even considering marriage)
2. doesn't like taking responsibility/blame
3. seems irresponsible in school, does not plan ahead.
4. thrifty, but willingly spends money on himself 
5. is a bit selfish in that he'll ask me what i want to do, but then if he 
doesn't want to do it, he'll try to guilt trip me out of it.
6. randomly gets "mopey" where he'll stop talking to me if i do something that upsets him. 
7. doesn't seem willing to make the sacrifices for me that i would for him? (he claims he would but he wouldn't even talk to me on the phone when he was "tired" at 8 pm after i got off the plane)
8. i take care of him more than he takes care of me
9. he really likes drinking, though he denies it. I am not a drinker or a party-er.
10. annoys me sometimes because he brags about himself a lot/fishes for compliments
11. seems to really enjoy attention from girls (brags to me about being hit on)<-- this is probably normal for all guys though
12. IS MORE TALK THAN ACTION ("I want to take you here"--then doesn't. "Let me pay for half the rental car/hotel/parking"--then I end up paying for it all. "I won't party anymore"--then parties an hour later.)


That was long as **** but if anyone read all that, let me know if you think these "cons" should be overlooked based on the pros.  Just curious.

Joe F · Accepted Answer

Those people are NOT over protective hon they see the bad side of him that you described but are trying so deperately to ignore.
Now you say he likes to drink a lot,what happens if you end up pregnant NOW?
He will not change just because you get knocked up.Life with an alcoholic is not much of a future and if he is showing signs of alcoholism then you BETTER back off.If he tells you he is going to stop partying and then goes and parties that makes him a liar,I mean serial killers are nice and polite and sweet when you first meet them for crying out loud.Are you willing to over look his lies and if so, for how many decades?
Next as far as sacrificing goes, driving 5 hrs to get you is sacrifice on his part, he could be doing something else he enjoys while you drive home.I can say that much for him.
Next, how well do you own up to your own crap when he calls you on it
Do you readily agree with him and volunteer to work on your faults and bad habits?
You say he is irresponsible in school, well you need a man who is working and supporting himself not a boy who still needs to grow up.If you think your going to whip him into the perfect husband in the next 5 years, think again hon.You'll get mad and jealous when the younger babes start hitting on him and when you complain he is going to throw your "guy friends" right into your face.
You say he says one thing and does something else, how much of that are you going to take for the rest of your life?
As far as marriage if 2 people "know and love" one another well enough  to have sex,shack up and play "pretend married" they should BE married.OIf you are not willing to commit now because of these "cons", which shows you KNOW he is a BAD CHOICE!
Next, if you SEE there are enough cons to make you NOT marry him NOW,why stick with him in the hopes he will change for the next 5 years?That is a good waste of 5 yrs of your life!
Use your head!
Why not find a guy who meets your criteria in the first place?
Or is it a pride thing?You have a young stud you can shape and mold into the "perfect man"?
IF.......IF that is the case, you are going to find out like many little 13 yr old girls on up to 100 yrs of age, that what you have between your legs will not change ANY man and control him for life.I hope you know that already.
Next,I bet he can list a few things you do that annoy him that are not positives,but that does not change the situation with him being what he is.
Now let's say you just gave birth, he says he is going pout for a while your at home with the baby, it is 12 AM, then 1 AM about 3 AM after you have been calling EVERYWHERE trying to find him, he calls you with "I need you to come andget me out of jail,I'll explain later".
He got drunk wrecked the family care.Are you willing to "OVER LOOK" the potential for THAT?
He likes the attention the girls give him, and as I said you have guy friends.Are you willing to over look it when they are hitting on him at the aprties you don't go to with him and you're 6 months pregnant?
He says he paid the utilies but partied the bill money away instead and the utilities have been cut off, are you willing to OVERLOOK that?
However,you are looking at him through the eyes of hormone induced fantasy and your friends and parents see him as he is.
Listen to your parents they KNOW hwat they are talking about UNLESS they are extremely stupid,but if they are so stupid then how smart can you be?They raised you right?So listen to them.They KNOW what they are talking about.
If you ignore these WARNING signs, do not EVER complain to others later on that he is this or he is that because you will have ignored the warning signs he is showing, the warnings from friends and family and will have made your own bed hon.And once we go through ALL that trouble to make our own bed, sometimes we make it so good,it can't be fixed!

Anonymous · Answer

well i would ignore the parents thing cuz there parents....i think you should keep him for a while, but heres the real question:
Does he make you feel happy, or the most special person in the world?

if that is a no i would keep him for only a little longer if things don't turn around. if its a yes then keep him! 

listen to what your heart and mind says. if you have a guy friend that you can really talk to and won't get jealous or anything that i would do that, he can help you out more than i can. and #11 on cons, is not true...trust me i know guys that hate attention from girls, which is really awkward. btw im 11 and not sure if you should take my advice but usually it works.

good-luck with this situation, i hope it all works out

btw i did read all of it

? · Answer

Sweetie, it's cool to do a pros/cons list, but Ive got a better "measuring stick" for you...
Go online and type in "relationship red flags" and "relationship deal breakers" and start reading about how to spot the REAL bad characteristics in guys. If your guy is showing any of THESE signs, then you'll want to dump him and run for your life!! LOL! These are the most serious signs to look for in a relationship verses petty things like, "...annoys me sometimes and fishes for compliments..."  If you find he isn't really doing anything to violate any of these basics, then he's a keeper. If he IS a keeper and you still aren't sure about him, then maybe your next question should be, "Do I really love this guy enough to keep him?"

Anonymous · Answer

dump your krap

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Help me evaluate whether my boyfriend is worth keeping?

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