do report monkeys share a common ancestor with pond slime?

I doubt it - pond slime have already evolved to occupy and fulfil a valid ecological niche. However, it can't be ruled out - maybe some distant ancestor was effected by a local toxic and radioactive source, thereby they evolved into a ghastly mutant form beyond even the imagination of teenage death-metal artists.

Pond slime was in era of well developed Central nervous system, when Report Monkeys came along, able to use one or two neurons at time

You have gravely insulted the Pond slime here, my dear

Report monkeys ARE the ancestor of pond slime.

No, it's the atheist who claims a common ancestor with the pond slime, and yes, it IS an insult to the pond slime.

No report monkeys are more like a cancer or tumor.

A malignant growth caused by an imbalance in nature.

How dare you insult pond slime in this manner! How very dare you, my lady!!!

Apparently they're eventually hired by yahoo to delete accounts.

Nah, they came from their local cesspool.

There is no mistaking that sh@it brown.

Yes! lol

There is plenty of evidence of that.