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Okay so the four year old we babysit isn't potty trained yet and...?

So this little girl we babysit (actually its my dad who babysits, not me but whatever) is four years old and still not potty trained. I've talked to her mother about it (we are semi-family friends), and she keeps saying, "oh she will be." And always sets dead-lines, by Christmas, by her birthday, by the end of summer. But then she does nothing about it. She doesn't put the girl on the potty, never asks her if she wants to go. The little girl doesn't ask to go potty, and if I ask her if she has to go, she says no and starts crying.

The only thing her mom has done is try to put her in 'big girl panties' but then all the girl does is wet them and then take them off and put a pull-up on. Her mother just laughs when she finds out she did that and said, "I guess she's not ready yet." She's also quiet pleased that she can change her own pull-up when wet (although she's also stopped doing that now *sigh*)

Is there anything I can tell her mom to get her potty trained soon? Because there is no why she can get into Kindergarten if she still wears diapers, or even into preschool like her mom hopes.

15 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Yes you can help. Start putting her on the potty once an hour.

    Just sit her there and let her know she can pee in the potty if she wants, praise if she does, say nothing if she does not. Dont sit her there for long either, just keep offering it, and it will eventaully happen. You know what, not everyone really knows how to potty train!! they think it just happens.

    It takes doing this for months, and it takes getting up at night twice and sitting them on the potty to help their body learn to wake up.

    You need not discuss this with anyone, just if you want, do this on your own, dont make a big deal, make it a routine, since really its just a routine we learn and do for life.

    Do not give daily updates to mom, dont make her feel bad. I totally understand where your coming from though, it is frustrating, when some parents kinda forget they have a job to do with thier child. But believe me its not your job to teach her, her job.

    This is what most day care centers have to do when they get kids from very tiny and they go there year after year, without thier help itd be impossible. Working moms have alot to take care of. Your help will be so appriciated, but since moms not doing her part, just know, that during the day, eventually you might get that handled and not have to worry about it. If you see a cheap potty seat, buy it and then your really gonna have it easier or ask dad to buy it, or earn money for it, if the mom wont buy one for your house, but, she might if you ask. Your very sweet to care, just dont overstep your bounds on telling a mom what to do, or compare one child to another. You will definatly be a more attentive mom when you grow up. Kids dont come with manuals although we can easily buy a manual or two right, but some moms just take a more casual and slow way with thier kids, its thier kids, its thier rights..........although its not always best for

    thier child

  • 1 decade ago

    Telling a mother she is doing something wrong with her child can always be a challenge. Reality is to go to kindergarten the child has to be potty trained. So this is what you need to tell the Mom. She and ya'll need to set up a potty routine and get this little girl going. I;m sure the pediatrician has had a lot to say about this girl not being potty trained or would f the mother takes her to a doctor regularly. By 4 most children are more than ready use the toilet. Now its not about rushing the child, its about enforcing the new rule no potty in your pants. Asking her if she needs to go isn't going to work. She needs to be told she is going to pee or pop in the toilet. She crying and stuff b/c she has learned that she doesn't have to be a big girl if she acts a certain way. Starting from when she wakes up she needs to be sat on the potty at least once an hour to try to pee or poop. Every child has a natural cycle once you find it you figure out when she needs to go. but constancy is the big deal. keep up the routine until she goes on her own.

  • 1 decade ago

    Alright. I really hope you read my answer because it seems like I am going to have the opposite of everyone else's ideas and opinions.

    First of all, I am a mom. My daughter is 1 1/2 and is potty trained during the day, but not at night. Personally, I can't see myself having a child that old not potty trained.

    HOWEVER. Speaking from a mom's perspective, this is *not* your concern. I don't mean to be harsh, but it really is none of your business. Your dad is the one who babysits. You are not the child's mother or babysitter, so you really should have no care for it.

    Can you have an opinion? Sure! Are you going to do it different with your future kids? Maybe. But it still isn't your place.

    I disagree with the users who are saying you should being potty training behind moms back. That is awful and dishonest. I would be very upset if I knew my babysitter (who is actually family) was being dishonest with me.

    No parent is perfect. You're not going to be a perfect parent. Plus, the idea of the "perfect" parent is different among pretty much every single person. This issue truely is between the mother and the daughter. If your father has an issue babysitting a child who is in diapers, well, he is an adult and can communicate that to your family friend without your help.

    I truely am sorry if I came off too harsh, it just really upset me that you're being so judgemental about this situation when it isn't even your business and I'm also upset that you asked what you can tell this little girls mother like she is just a nitwit who is too stupid to know how to potty train her daughter.

    Also, I am upset at the loads of people who jumped on this post and started ripping this mother to shreds.

    Every parent does things differently. Honestly, you need to let it go. I hope you don't have people barging into your life telling you how to do things when you have a child.

  • Jenn B
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    You are right about the preschool. They won't let her in at all unless she is potty trained. Majority of girls are already potty trained at 4 yrs old. There is no excuse unless the child has some serious developmental delays (which it sounds like she doesn't have).

    Since it is your dad actually babysitting he needs to set his foot down with this mom and tell her this child has to be potty trained or there will no longer be a babysitter.

    Many daycares will do this to parents once a child has reached a certain age. The daycare my son used to attend had this policy and has had to kick some kids out because they would not potty train. Sometimes that policy alone would scare some parents into getting serious about it.

    If you have a small potty at your house get her used to it. Take a few days for her to get acquainted then start putting her on it every hour consistently. Find things to keep her entertained such as a popsicle or lollipop or even her favorite toy while she is sitting on the potty. Make sure you praise her for every attempt whether successful or not. Give her a special reward for successful attempts.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Absolutely refuse to change her. You have that right. You also have the right to sit her on the potty every hour or two while you are watching her.

    Her mom should have her naked or in regular underwear and be making her to clean her own mess if she doesn't use the potty. That way it is the child versus the mess, not the child versus the mom or you. The girl can see the pee come out, and know she did that. IF there are no pullups in the house, then obviously she can't use them. Mom could just say "sorry, you got too big for them".

    But the mom sounds incompetent, and may be changing the girl at age 12. She is mom though, so there really isn't very much you can do about it except refuse to be a part of it yourself.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

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  • 1 decade ago

    You can start by telling the mom that you guys want to help get the daughter in to a potty routine so she can go to preschool because pre-k is important in child's life and you guys want to give a helping hand but she has to do her part as well....and then you dad has to set some rules about going potty, the child is 4 so she should be able to understand when explaining to her if she wants to be a big girl and go to school she will need to go potty in the bathroom and explain to her that there's nothing to be afraid even let her flush the toilet so she doesn't get scared and tell her its just the noise of water but nothing is going to happen and that shes a big girl for doing that and big girls get to do other exiting things in school and on there own.....remember to be consistent kids don't always get it at the first try but if you keep at it she will get it

    Source(s): Mother of 3 boys
  • 5 years ago

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  • 1 decade ago

    That's very interesting. Most of the four-year-olds I've known would be mortified at the very idea of still having to wear pull-ups™.

    What we always did at my preschool was include the children who were still "in training" in the diaper changing schedule. We would simply tell them "It's time for you to use the bathroom" or similar. It was never made a big deal, even with children whom most people would find "too old" to still need reminding.

    I would suggest a similar routine with your little charge. Don't ask her if she needs to go, simply announce to her at periodic intervals (once about every hour and a half is good) that "it's time" for her to go. Remind her to wash her hands whether she actually goes or not so she gets in the habit.

    The main thing is not to make a big deal out of it, although it may be a bit late for that. But be prepared because the mother will find out about it, as the girl will certainly report it to her. If the mother protests, remind her that no school will take a child for kindergarten who is unable to go to the toilet on her own.

    Source(s): 3 years teaching preschool
  • 1 decade ago

    I am currently trying to train my just turned 3 year old and the best thing that I have found is to reward him with candy buttons (you knows the drops on the paper) I get them in the wholesale candy in the supermarket. They are really cheap. When my son pees in the potty I give him 2 rows of them, if he poops he gets 3 rows. The best part is that it is a small amount of sugar so he doesn't go all sugar high on me. Rewards are the best way. We also have a sticker chart so he can see how good he is doing at it. Maybe you could try it out with her and if it works then you could tell her mother.

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