Was I Being a Little Hypocritical?

Question

My young nephew was in town over the weekend, and after he went back home I e-mailed him, 'chastising' him for not living up to his full potential. Ever since he was 10 or 11 years old, I thought he had such opportunities ahead of him. I remembered when he used to talk about going to Arizona to live in Biosphere II. I challenged him to do something more productive with his life than becoming a "beer-guzzling chain smoker."
I told him how I would like to have "just one more big hit" in MY life, be it a new business venture, a new relationship, a new project, or just about anything new and fresh in my life. I advised him not to 'get into a rut', to live his life to the fullest of his obvious abilities. Over the years, he has observed my rather 'colorful' life, and is aware of my many successes and failures. 
He e-mailed me tonight, saying that he believed it was a little hypocritical of me to criticize HIM when he doesn't see me doing anything terribly useful with my life during my early retirement. That 'stung' a little bit, because I didn't think I was being critical of him; I believed I was offering constructive advice. I would very much like to help him  follow his dreams, but I'm not sure what kind of approach to take now.  
I have so much faith in this 20-year-old young man. I know he's had a troubled life for the past 7-8 years with a number of traumatic issues as a result of a truly dysfunctional family. But I'm afraid I've created a chasm between us now, perhaps when he is at a pinnacle in his life that could take him down the path to success - or into a downward spiral.  
Was I being a little hypocritical? Having raised no children of my own, I'm not too good at this kind of thing; but I'd really like to help this young man. When he was younger, he looked up to me. I'm afraid I might have tarnished our bond. Any advice? Thanks!      -RKO-

HOTSTAR · Accepted Answer

its terribly difficult to advise ppl of that age somehow, nothing one says comes right, even though well meant.

i am not sure if he has graduated yet and has a degree or not, though that is not the vital thing in life now. One can achieve their dreams in many ways ..not just by getting degrees etc.

Try saying you want to help in anyway you can as he has great potential and you will be there for him anytime he needs advice or someone to talk to, and leave it at that. Just confirm that you have so much faith in him and he is going to be fine.

Your achievements are not small and insignificant either, so no need to put yrself down at all. i think you are doing fine.

see what happens in a couple of weeks after you drop a line.

Terri J · Answer

That's what's bad about written communication: Often your intent doesn't come across well. And this is a very young person who is still learning. 

I think a very short e-mail such as this is in line:

"Brian, I am so sorry that I have offended you. It was certainly not my intent. I think you are a very special young man, and I want for your life to be everything you dream it can be. If I can help in that effort, please ask."

Then drop it. The next time you see him, pretend it never happened. When he's ready to talk about it, he'll bring it up.

Anonymous · Answer

you could talk him into doing something illegal? always a good shock to the system, getting away in a bullet riddled car with a boot fill of methamphetimine. strangling a prostitute (not necessarily killing) or similar could also be good?

GORGI · Answer

keep doing the things that made him look up to you and maybe then he'll turn his life around

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Was I Being a Little Hypocritical?

4 Answers