What did you learn from your reunion?

I reunited with my son 19 years ago. It has been a ride! I have learned a lot from reunion with him, and shattered many of the illusions that I once held. I didn't want to relinquish him. I tried to the best of my ability to not do so, as it says in my records. However, when I finally bowed to the inevitable and knew that it was a done deal, the one thing that carried me thru those years was that he had everything that I couldn't give him. Since my family was upper middle class, well-educated and comfortable, I thought that he would be wealthy, a Ph.D. someplace, a reader, and never have wanted for anything in his life. I was wrong.

The biggest thing that I learned was that the agency lied. They lied about that, they lied about the non id information, they lied about contact, they lied about the files, they lied about everything. The one thing that I learned better than any other lesson is not to believe anything that the agency tells you, because of sealed records, they believed that they could get away with doing whatever they wanted and WE WOULD NEVER KNOW.

Imagine the agency's chagrin when HIPAA laws came into effect and they stated that WE owned our medical records, not the agencies!

I also learned, thru reading, reading, reading at places that make my skin crawl, places that make me sad, places that make me angry how others feel and speak and think about mothers, adoptees and adopting couples. I learned about the contempt in which mothers are held, AFTER they sign the papers, and the manipulations that are used to get them to do so.

I learned that meeting the son I lost did not return my baby to me. I learned that sometimes the damage runs too deep, the anger too intense, and the sadness too overwhelming to overcome.

I continue to learn every day. I continue to hope that something will change in my son, or in me that will make ours a more satisfying relationship. I continue to study the issues that have had such a profound impact on both of us. I continue to speak out against the corruption and greed in the industry. I continue.

ETA: Kidmindi, I forgot to say that the delight you are feeling in your reunion is evident in your question. I am so very glad that it all went well and very happy for you. I think that attitude has a lot to do with the success of a reunion, and your attitude is perfect. My congratulations to you and to your natural family. Good job!

Thank you for sharing.

I learned that I was the youngest of three siblings. My two sisters were also adopted out.

I learned that my sisters and I were all together in the same spot at World Expo in 1988. I remember when I was there that I was so busy trying to see every pavilion and events that I didn't take the time to see what was actually happening around me.

I learned what is means to be an Uncle and the enjoyment that you get when with your nephews and niece.

I learned that is okay to be closer to some family, but not so close to others.

I learned that no matter what family is always a phone call away.

I learned that I was a secret and no one knew of my existence. The only person who had inkling of my existence was an auntie.

I learned that not all natural mothers were meant to be mothers.

I learned that there are no "happy" or "unhappy" moments in life, they are just moments; just my moments in time.

I learned that taking a 22hr road trip is more fulfilling than simply

flying to see my family.

I learned the true meaning to the phrase "One Picture is Worth Ten Thousand Words"

I learned that some truths are never meant to be known.

I learned a lot about my first mother, mostly, and her reasons for doing what she did (placing me for adoption, wanting no contact, etc.). It was nice to know that there wasn't anything wrong with me. It was also nice to know that she knew a lot about my parents before placing me with them. My adoption wasn't done through an agency. Lawyers, but no agency. It was really, really good to hear her motives. I know that seems weird, but it really tells you your life story before the adoption, good or bad. I didn't agree with some of her choices...Neither did my aparents. We would have rather had an open situation, but I liked being able to get the explanation from the horse's mouth, so to speak.

I learned what her life has been like. Like I've said before, she's a pretty cool lady, and has lead a pretty exciting life. The stories I hear from her are AWESOME! :-)

I learned also, that you're not automatically going to have a connection with someone just because you are related to them. I was truthfully, a little disappointed about my brother. I really, really wanted a "sibling", and he just can't be that for me. He works in finance. I'm a musician. He hates kids. I was a foster parent, and am an adoptive mom. He is obsessed with cars. I drive a 1998 Ford Escort. You get the picture. :P He doesn't understand my lifestyle, and I don't understand his. When we are together, we run out of things to talk about very quickly. But, he's my brother, and I'm glad I found him anyway. I'm really glad to know where he is, and to be able to call him if I ever got the urge.

I learned that even though you reunite with your family member; that doesn't resolve the pain and hurt. Nor does it mean that the relationship will even necessarily be positive.

On the other hand, it does give closure to the fantasy of wondering how my child turned out. In my case it enabled me to finally get on with life rather than feeling stuck while not knowing whether my son was alive and well or if he needed anything that I could provide.

All in all, it was a bittersweet experience but necessary for us both.

Phrasebooks aren't equipped with the language necessary to survive emotionally.

Sometimes body language just is not, in fact, enough.

You can be really close physically to someone, but emotionally feel as though there is a 2-foot thick brick wall between you because you can't communicate.

Siblings won't automatically feel the need to go out with you - you're still just a stranger, albeit DNA-related.

That seeing family pictures totally makes all the miscommunication worth it.

They love you for who you are, not who you try to be based upon expectations that you subconsciously try and meet before you've even gone overseas.

woahh you've really thought about this haven't you? and yeh it'd be cool with Doctor Who year round, but somehow i don't think Christopher Ecclestone would agree to it.

I've learnt of the extent of the lies that were told just so my son was adopted. These didn't stop when his adoption was finalized they restarted when he found my family. If I hadn't found him the lies would have continued.

I learnt how to forgive my parents for all the damage they caused and to forgive myself.

The positives have been learning how much my son and I are alike such as in looks, personality and interests.

I'm newly reunited too. Congrats to you...

I've learned that I come from a good place....from strong, loving, people

I've learned that my birthday is hard for her too.

I've learned some things about why I am the way I am.

I've learned that there is no shame in wanting to know where you came from.

I learned that the daughter I gave up, did not have the life I was told she would have (things happen) and despite that, she is a loving wonderful person who loves her Children, her Mom and me too. Life is good.

I learned that if you give your child up for adoption, Doesn't mean the parents you gave you child to will stay together, Hers did not, or that they will have money, again no. A chance to go to a trade school or collage, again no. She would of been better off with me. Her life wouldn't of turned out like it has.