How would other moms react to this? (visitation long story)?

I forgot to mention something - what do children do when the crying and the anger and the hurting don't get them anywhere? They LIE. Be prepared, be very prepared for when he says you assaulted him first. Be prepared for his "friend" saying you cursed her out when you dropped the baby off. Be prepared for all the details of your breakup being embellished, and for him to make a move before you do. Another poster above me has hit the nail on the head - Get the court order first, and work out your co-parenting arrangements after the dust settles. You have the basis of not trusting him, your gut tells you he can and will stoop to something that isn't in Columbia's best interest. Don't let it get there. I'm sending you a link to your facebook for who you can go to for help with the legalities. Make no mistake, I bet he's either consulted or is about to consult a lawyer of his own.

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Well, there are two sides to this. I'm actually very curious about why you are separating and who's fault it is.

First, is there any reason that you think the father of the baby would hurt your son or cause him harm just to spite you? If the answer to either of these is yes, then by all means, keep your son from him and consult a lawyer immediately.

Second, I understand where you are coming from. The father of my baby (who I was NOT married to and he cheated on me multiple times and I know deep down that he doesn't even care about the baby) is dragging me through court right now just to harass me. Thank gawd I was able to get supervised visitation for the first month...it starts tomorrow and I am so stressed out about it that I can't sleep.

Nonetheless, if you fear for the safety of your child, follow your intuition. You are not required to allow visitation without a court order in place. Make sure you keep documentation of everything that happens and call the police on him if anything escalates.

Don't let him see your baby and get a lawyer, it was the best thing I ever did.

Whats the mother in law like? Are you on civil terms with her?

Next time you go round there, I would call her and explain your concerns and the reason you text your ex - which is perfectly normal for you to want to know your child is ok, and you did not deserve a barrage of abuse. I would also make it known you are not prepared to endure abuse every time your ex has visitation, and if it continues, you will be seeking legal advice. . If the abuse continued, yes, I would stop visitation. All you have to say is, you are not comfortable going over there to be verbally assaulted. Keep every bit of correspondence you have from him. You should always be courteous, although I know it will kill you having to do so, its hard being the bigger person, but in the long run, its what is best. This situation not only has to be resolved for your child, but for you also. I would not be comfortable leaving my child with a man who cannot answer a simple question like - is my son ok - without swearing and insulting me.

If you really feel like there is a chance he could leave with your son, I would contact a lawyer, police, whoever would listen to me. If you feel its a very real possibility that could happen, then without a doubt, I would cease visitation until a court order is in place. As I said, keep all correspondence, you could report him for harrassment and maybe even get a restraining order. I don't know where you live, but near us, we have a contact centre. You would drop your son off there with the care givers and the father would either pick him up from there, or he would stay there with your son till his time was up. You would never have to see each other and its a place run and funded by the govt, that you can trust.

What you asked of him wasn't to much, nor is continuing to breastfeed and expecting your son to continue sleeping at home until he weans himself. This isn't new to your ex and if he can't deal with it now it is most definitely out of selfish reasons.

I'm sorry you're going through this girl. I know how ex's can be when the panic and hurt of being left sets in. He will try to hurt you, without even deciding to. Making him wait to see his son until a court order for visitation has been issued may end up getting really really nasty and bitter. No matter how you slice it, he will say you're being vindictive by keeping him from seeing him.

Still, I think you should stand your ground and let him know you NEED to know your son is ok. Tell him he can see his son, and he may have a friend with him, but it has to be in your home. Don't watch them, keep yourself scarce unless you hear the boy freaking right out. Your ex won't like this arrangement and will likely refuse it at first. Just remind him the alternative would be to wait for the courts to decide.

Also, giving him a place to see your son will look better for you in court. If you want the courts the back you up and stand behind NO overnight visits then you're gonna have to look like you're not a controlling ***** (like he will say). It really does end up coming to that.

Good luck girl:)

*edit** I think there may be something here I'm missing; If MaMaBear says wait for a court order than maybe you should .... she's ultra wise ...

Oh yikes. I would be afraid to leave Columbia with him too. :( Damn. When are you getting the structured visitation rules laid out? Until then it might be best if he stays with you, seeing as how his daddy is acting so badly. Or maybe get someone in to mediate? It's not wrong of you to ask how he adjusted to being dropped off at ALL!! I'd be freaked out not knowing if my toddler was screaming for me. I'm really sorry girl.

I also think talking to his mom might help. Let her know (so she can then tell him) that you don't want him to NOT see his son, but that he needs to act maturely here for Columbia's sake. It's emotionally damaging to him if he sees that kind of stress and fighting.

I would have been darn irritated.

Separations and divorces are a VERY ugly business. I'm sorry the ex is being an immature *** while you were trying to see how your son did. Perhaps in time he'll cool down and grow up, or perhaps not. In any event, I wish you luck!

Since he's decided to take the jerk road, its important you go to court asap and get things established

GET A COURT ORDER!!!!

What the heck are you thinking dealing with this on your own?!?!?!

Don't you watch those awful specials on TV!?

Slap a court order on him before he does it to you!

After ALL OF YOU are protected by the law, then you can start the healing process and find a place where you can "co-parent" the child.

good luck

If he is living with you, then you are his guardian, his caregiver. You do not have to let him see your son, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. And yes, I would be freaking pissed! And my god how childish is it that he didnt want to see you so he had a friend get Columbia?!?! Grr. That's just going to confuse your son even more, and most people that act like that have no problem saying terrible things about the other parent in front of and even to the child.

You need to talk to him and say that yu's have to be civil for your son's sake. U 2 fighting will affect him more than anyone else.