Ex demonizes me to our son while boosting her boyfriend's image. Should I tell her BF the stuff she told me?

I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. My 1st hubby & I divorced when my son was about your son's age. That was 16 years ago. I completely understand where you're coming from. We played these games for years, and it was horrible. If I had to do it over again, I wish I could have been the better person, more mature, and not hurt our son by better controlling my emotions. I really regret all the senseless fighting, jealousy, games, etc. I played. I can't get that time back, and it did nothing except make everyone feel as miserable as I was.

I don't know what to tell you to make it better, but here are some suggestions. Maybe get some counseling, spend your time doing positive things like working out, doing productive things around your home, reading self-help books, joining a singles club that does fun activities together once a month, doing lots of fun activities like the zoo, the science center, the park, etc., with your son when you see him. It would be hard to focus on the negative in your life if you have so many other positive things to do that make you feel good.

As for your ex playing your son & saying, "Daddy's mad" well shame on her. What you should do if she does that again is say to your son as cheerfully & nonchalantly as possible, "No silly-billy, of course I'm not mad at you!" and then drop it with him. Separately & calmly, tell his mother that you don't appreciate her making disparaging remarks to your son about his father, she certainly wouldn't appreciate it if you did the same, and ask her not to do it again. It makes your son feel bad when you say bad things about their other parent b/c they love that person, that's their parent, and in a way, it's a reflection of their own identity.

I wish you all the best of luck in your future endeavors!

Edit: just read your update about the things your ex told you about her b/f. You could warn him about her and it might chase him away, but it could also create more problems for you. Maybe a vague warning so that he could understand the type of person she is would be in order, but anything more will make you seem like you can't get over her & are just jealous b/c of course he will tell her what you said, and she'll deny it anyway. He'll believe what he wants to believe.

Hmmm you are in quite the pickle.

It seems like she isn't really caring about you in any way right now, this is all about her.

So no, you don't want to stoop to this level, but you can't sit down and let her ruin you and your child's relationship...soif I were you I'd do it sooner than later( if you really are planning on telling her secrets) before she turns your son away from you forever.

Make sure your son is shielded from it all, and make sure she learns exactly how you made her feel.

I understand the inability to pay for it all, as times are tough. So this may be your only option.

Just be smart, be tactful, and make sure she knows you mean business.

Do not let this awful woman walk allover you.

And then, when your ready find a girl who isn't like that( because not all are, honestly).

You sound like a good guy, and a good father. You deserve a good, solid partner.

it fairly is so unhappy. i became 15 and my ex became sixteen once I have been given pregnant. He on no account pronounced it became the worst mistake of his existence yet he pronounced it in different tactics like refusing to speak to me, denying paternity, relationship my acquaintances, and so on. He unquestionably asked me why i did no longer have an abortion (while our son became 4 years old). yet now he's a stable dad. It took him 5+ years and he continues to be studying yet our son loves him and worships the floor he walks on so it became very well worth the 4 crappy years interior the commencing up. He ought to come around or he ought to no longer. he continues to be in basic terms 17 and has alot of becoming as much as do, while you're sixteen occurring 25 in all probability.

You sound like you are a very good father to your son, and as unfortunate as the legal route sounds, you may need to go there and file for full custody of your son. By the way your story sounds, she seems a little loopy and i don't appreciate her bringing strangers around your son. What kind of "secrets" has she been telling you about her ex boyfriend?