Am I wrong for not allowing "Mom" or telling them why it's not a good idea?

youre doing the right thing, i was in your postion. it will sort itself out. just keep being the loving stepmom that u are!!! your only trying not to confuse the kids. i understand that completely. theyre still your baby chicks and let them know just how much u love and adore them!!! yes they might feel a bit hurt, but they will understand as time goes by and their little minds grow. picking a alternate name is great!!

I think that since their mother is still in the picture and very likely will be less than thrilled if she finds out her children are calling someone else mom that you made the right decision. My only thought that differs from yours is that they are old enough to explain to them why you can't be called mom. I think the way you explained it to us is perfect. You and your husband should talk about it beforehand so you can present a united front to the kids and then go have that conversation. Let them ask questions and tough as they may be to answer, answer them honestly and just continue to not bash their mother. I think that will help them not feel like you don't want them to be your children.

Good luck and they are lucky to have you!

why not compromise? What I have seen several friends do is have the kids call the step-parent " mom/dad ( insert name)".

The first time I saw this trend was 15 years ago. MY hubby's next door neighbor had finally invited her boyfriend ( she married him a year later) to move in with her and her 2 boys. We were over for Christmas brunch and one of the kids asked her something and she told him "ask Daddy Jim". IN thier mind "daddy jim" was respecting that he was there day to day for them..."daddy" was thier bio dad that they visited every other weekend

ETA: why the TD? the children obviously feel strongly towards her in a positive way. Asking to call her "mom" is thier way of showing how important she is in thier lives. Calling her "mama" or "mommy" in addtion to whatever they have been calling her shows that they *know* the difference between thier biological mom, and the "mom" who takes care of them when they visit thier dad.

Maybe you can just explain to the kids that you do not want thier real mom to feel like she is being replaced. Maybe they can make up a new name for you...

great question. i've got faith in fairness and attention so i will consistently evaluate. even whilst i've got faith threatened, given sufficient time i will entertain the belief. these days I even have had a extra problematic time with this, yet my default mode is to weigh in all and alter my questioning thus. thank you, the surprising question on the surprising time! Bless You!

I called my step father "dad: and it would have crushed me if he said I couldn't call him that. This is a tough one, on one hand I would feel honored that they even would want to call me mom, but at the same time if bio. mom is in the picture that may also cause issues. I would def. apologize to them if their feelings were hurt but explain to them why you said what you said. They should understand.

I SEE WHY NOT, I MEAN HIS KIDS LOVES AND ADORE YOU AS THEIR MOTHER BECAUSE THEIR MOTHER ISN'T THERE FOR THEM. EVERY CHILD DIES TO HAVE A MOTHER WHO WOULD LOVE THEM BUT IF THEIR BI-MOTHER CAN'T GIVE THAT TO THEM, WHY NOT YOU. AFTERALL YOU DID SAY YOU LOVE THEM AS YOUR OWN CHILDREN IF THEY WERN'T YOURS.. I SAY GO FOR IT BECAUSE IT WILL TELLS YOU HOW MUCH THEY LOVE YOU.

BY YOU TRYING TO SAY NO TO THEM, WILL ONLY MAKE THEM THINK THAT YOU MAY NOT LOVE THEM OR THINKS SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THEM.

IT ALSO SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN A GREAT MOM TO THEM KIDS FOR THEM TO BE COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO ASK YOU. THEY LOVE YOU!

AND WHO CARES ABOUT THEIR BI-MOTHER. YOU HAVE RESPECT HER AS MUCH TO BE RAISING HER CHILDREN. SHE SHOULD BE THANKFUL TO HAVE YOU IN THEIR LIVES. DON'T THINK ABOUT WHAT THEIR MOTHER WOULD SAY OR THINK OF YOU, JUST THINK ABOUT THEM KIDS. THEIR MOTHER CAN DEAL THAT ON HER OWN WHEN SHE CAN PUT HERSELF TOGETHER WITH HER KIDS.

RIGHT NOW HER KIDS NEEDS YOU THE MOST.

I think that if THEY are more comfortable calling YOU "mom," especially at the age they are, then you should let them have that sense of completeness and let them call YOU "Mom." Perhaps, since they feel more comfortable calling YOU "mom," you should come up with another name for their birth mother, whom they are not comfortable with calling, "mom."

My nephew dealt with it this way (and I have changed the names, of course). He called his birth mother his "Julie-mom" when talking about her to someone, and he called his step-mom his "Jane-mom" when talking about her to someone. But to her face, he called his step-mom, "Mom."

maybe they just want some one to call mom maybe there other mom isn't the best mother u know i mean

İ think that you should let them call you mum because they love you enough and they repect you enough to be their mother. İ think it would bind your family more together and you guys will be happier.

All you would have to say is that it would hurt their mother's feelings....