Can you see this clearly? I do with some reading glasses, but they make me look like an owl?

I'd split these into three separate works each aimed in a more targeted manner that way. I like all three as individual works. The first two really have a lot to say about the real versus the fantasy world, especially of the young. The third, polished to replace the link to the other two into an opening would be an excellent.

As usual, you write well and with meaning.

I do like the truth in your lines, and clear judgments you made, but I think you should try and condense your stanza's down to size. For some reason I thought it two different poems after reading. Even though you clearly are sticking with a point through out your stanzas, by the last I felt I had started reading something entirely new. Unusual thinking for me. I like the realism, and the rhymes are sarcastic in a cool way that doesn't make you think the writer is a cruel person. Besides that, the structure of is "kind'a sloppie". Clean it up, and I think it will be an eye-opener, and those kind of poems are always eye-catching. :D Good one.

Great first two stanzas. Flow and images strong. Did not like the ending, seemed like an afterthought. The person may be the diamond but do you need a whole stanza? Or do you even need? Maybe another poem there? Of course that is just me opining.

I got it. I don't see anything wrong. It all links together if you want the whole story. I could do without the suggested cuss words because I can't pass that on to anybody I know, but it surprised me. I think it's a very good poem! Thank you.

I couldn't see it without my glasses either. Just dots! LOL

Basically i see three poems one addressed to wanna b emo's the second to wanna b gangtaz and finally a general one to perhaps teenagers. There is nothing linking these poems. However they are three very good poems and i enjoyed each in their own right, but not together.

the 3rd verse changes profoundly, I would edit the first two, clean them up and take the last one out, it is a lot ofdescriptive words, a totally different tack then you were on.

but it is yours to do with what you will.

The last part is the best, and only good part of this whole thing. The first two...well....just take them out hahah

WOW - I loved it - but I think - you have two poems going here. The first stanza does not quite fit in. I could not see an emo description working with the street hood rappa'. ♥

http://lh3.ggpht.com/_kIWY2DV0KnE/ShONULlfATI/AAAA...

I'm no expert , but to me it seems to be a wonderful way to tell young people to stop posing , your uniqueness will make you interesting enough to the rest of the world.

thanks for the insight

You are really developing a nice brassy style that i like. This is sassy-in-your-face ...a good read!