Why must it be the end of the world?

I have failed my first year. I understand it's typical. Due to a bunch of circumstances which include enough subjects of rants to induce a third world war, I am feeling blue about my studying. And the worst part is that I can't figure out where my problem is. It is one of the following:

1) My philosophy/outlook on life; I am very go-with-the-flow. I hold peace of mind in high regard by not taking anything overly to heart. ( i attempt to hold this value, anyway). In the case of last year, that meant not taking it to heart when I tried to change my writing style and ended up doing worse on the essays.

1)b. It's hard to live out this lifestyle; I am constantly surrounded by people who seem so easily able to just focus and produce la creme de la crap out of their butts with not a second thought. It's hard to be chill and cool with who I am when I'm surrounded by people who are so determined to be 'rebellious', to show the world that they have something huge to offer it. I don't. I have something that I hope I can pass on to a few students, and help the others bare the brunt of a subject they are forced to take and will never actively use again. It never seems enough though. My friends say I am strong, that they don't understand how I am weird enough to do whatever I want. But I'm not strong; just too sick of the way the world is to be weak.

2) My music-A good friend asked me how I became successful in music (i'm not really, but he insists i am)... I then listed off how I was inspired to learn the piano, then forced, and then made it a game to see if I could correct my own mistakes better than the teacher's, and then made it a game to listen and learn. (He was really going somewhere with this; it was boosting my ego, and at the same time helping me apply it in the field i'm actually studying, but we got side-tracked, and it all went downhill). By the by, studying french and english to teach highschool students.

3) I constantly face crap. But at the same time, do I blame the outcomes of my life too much on situational? Am I simply making up excuses? Sometimes I feel I am. But then I am 'reassured' by friends who mean well that I do face some crap... I can't really trust what the people around me say because they are either trying to give me the hard-toe lesson about it (that's usually my area of expertise), or they're trying to boost the ego. I love them all, but I need a straight uninfluenced opinion,

4) The future-In five years, I can see exactly what I'm doing; I have imagined lectures, thought of projects, thought of dealing with problems, of inspiring students, of creating debates... Unfortunately, I can't see a single thing of the next four years of my life that need to be spent earning that degree so I can get in front of a classroom... *sighs*...

5) Running away-in highschool, I could get away with not facing my fear of my intelligence. Being surrounded by high grades is pressuring because I never feel like I am good enough for anyone, certainly not my bf. And then other times, I am miss Queen Vain and watch out for my pointed stilettos (not actually; I have killer boots, but no thin pumps:P)... I do not know if I am intelligent enough to make it the 2nd try, and I can't afford a 3rd. I should have dealed with the intelligence issue last year, but I ran away, put it off. Blame everything that I do wrong on the fact that I'm 'tired' (which is always my way of saying stressed... but how stressed am i really?, I do not know)...

BY the end of it all.... GRRRRR. And i'm sick of ratting out to my bf about my problems. I'm gonna give the internet a listen, and then I'm going to learn to buck up... Somehow.... tips please?