How to get through to him?

Question

Recently my best friend decided to cut ties with me. It was a completely irrational move on her part and I did nothing to provoke it. She did so because of her own insecurities and issues that she felt she couldn't discuss with me. I had found out that she was discussing my financial situation behind my back and making disparaging comments about me. When I told her that I had heard what she was doing, she flipped out, cussed me out and said she had decided to cut ties with me. Okay. I didn't even respond because this isn't the first time she has done some crazy crap like this. My problem comes from the fact that my fiancee has known her his whole life and is fighting me over maintaining a friendship with her. 

I have tried to explain to him that she decided to cut ties, and she doesn't get to pick and choose which ones she keeps. He also keeps trying to say "this is between you two to work out" No, there is nothing to work out, I am not going to stand for someone being crazy and treating me like crap. She is 30 years old and acting like a child. So my question is this, how do I get through to him that it is inappropriate to maintain a friendship with her at this point? Particularly as he knows anytime he has contact with her it's going to cause issues with me. Thank you for your advice! I thought I was done with this crap 10 years ago when I left high school. Apparently not.

dainajc · Accepted Answer

Tell him you don't want to talk about it anymore. Tell him the friendship is over, it was her actions that caused it, if he doesn't like the outcome he needs to bring it up to the one whose fault it is. If wants to continue being friends with her its on him but you will have nothing more to do with her. You will not be forced to hang out with someone who has hurt you repeatedly and someone who loves you will be accepting and supporting.

? · Answer

You can't allow your fiance to dictate who your friends are. No way. Tell him flat out that it's done and do not bring it up again. If he wants to be friends with her....have at it, but she should not be included in your life. If he wants to ignore your feelings on this and hassle you into including her, he isn't who you think he is. This attitude could cause many problems later in your life. This shows a basic disregard for you as a person. Do not rush into a long term relationship with this one.

Dear Jane... · Answer

F* her, and F8 him too, dude.  She made her bed, and he doesn't get to decide who lies in it!  I think you made the right decision and walked away knowing you were better off.  If they are such good friends, I would tell him "then YOU put up with her crap and i'll watch from the sidelines"...Your life, your call.

Anonymous · Answer

well you could try being mature yourself.. 

he only wants you to get back with her, so that you don't go crazy everytime he meets her. you must respect his friendship with her and even if you're no longer friends, you can not and must not try to stop him from seeing her.
tell him that its exactly like he always say: between you and her. and that you need time to sort out the broken confidence. make it clear that you dont mind him seeing her, as long as he doesnt bring her up infront of you or when you two are together.

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How to get through to him?

4 Answers