I find i can't really talk to my mum...?

Question

Hi all,
For the past few years i've felt like i can't really talk to my mum as she tells whatever i say to her to my dad, grandma and her friends. So i stopped telling her anything. I started getting closer to the mother of two children i babysit for and i told her everything that was bothering me. I'm now 17 and this has been since i was about 14. The woman i'm on about is a very close family friend by the way but she went through a terrible divorce last year and i had her children all the time. Now she has said i can move in with her until i find a flat for myself as i'm really not happy at home and always am arguing with my mum and my Nana. i feel bad for wanting to move out but it been getting me down and i don't know what to do. I know my mum always tells me to move out when we are arguing but im her only biological child and i feel bad if i move out. How do i tell her i feel this way and would like to move in with Angela (the woman i have got closer to) even if just for a few months to sort myself out. please help,
Thanks.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Its one thing to tell your father everything, but for her to go off and say stuff to ur grandmother and her friends is your business. You just need to tell her not to talk to anyone about anything you do unless you say its okay. It should be perfectly fine for her to tell her husband everything that is what a marriage is for, trust me my parents do that too. But she shouldn't go off telling ur grandma and her friends, that just crosses the line way too much and I understand your problem with it. Be EXTREMELY FORWARD with your mother on the case and don't let up one bit. Tell her how you feel about the situation, and most of all don't let her talk her way through it.

I'm having a lil trouble with my mother too lately for the past 7 years. We have both agreed I'd be happier moving out and having the independence I need, but I can't just leave without working it all out, I really want to be friends with her instead of pretty much running from our troubles.

 If you are asking if you should move out, I would have to say no. No because your mom will come around and listen to you, I can tell she will, she seems to be that type of mother. Just be more forward with her on the subject, and NEVER let up till both of you come to an agreement.

Hope your mother troubles come easier for you than they are for me.

Good luck. =D

cloudy skies · Answer

Give it one more year.  Sign up for college and then move out on campus or with the nice lady.  Even though you will have your mom off your back, you still will feel an obligation to the nice lady and babysitting her kids all the time.  Having you around all the time would be a win win situation for her because child care is really expensive.  Since the nice lady is a mother, it seems like she would understand the value of your relationship with your mother and advise you to work it out or tuff it out.  Really, it could be alot worse at home if you were dealing with sexual abuse, crazy family members beating you up, alcoholics putting you down.  Create a defence shield and block out the drama.

? · Answer

I would ask her if she has time to talk with you about something serious, then tell her you are hurt because she violates your confidences.  Ask her what you can do to establish a better relationship with your mom and your Nana.  Family is important so make a big effort here.

At your age, you and the lady you mentioned might have a real problem if you moved in with her before you turn 18.

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I find i can't really talk to my mum...?

3 Answers