Why is it that parents raise their kids with the assumption that they will and must have sex as teenagers?

wait will and MUST have sex as teenagers? go find me a parent that tells their child you MUST go have sex right now. if any thing it's the opposite. parents are trying to convince their children to NOT have sex. i';m not going to sit there and lecture my son to not ever have sex my mother did that, it made me want to have it more. instead i'm going to advise my child to not have sex and educate them about protection at least THAT way he'll know to freakin use it! sex isn't this huge horrible ordeal people make it out to be. it's the possible outcome thats more of a problem then anything. pregnancy doesn't end someone's life, there's much more worse things out there then having a baby.

I dont think my parents have the assumption that I will be having sex. I havent even had a steady boyfriend. I dont ask them about stuff like that and they dont ask me. I know that they trust me alot and they have reason too.

They didnt raise me as a 'bible thumper' and im not saying im going to wait until marriage to have sex-i think its a purely personal choice, but i also think that teens are putting too much emphasis on sex. And this is coming from a teen. I knew a few people in high school who'd had sex and it seemed like such a waste to me. We were still young, inexperienced and yet it seemed normal somehow. Thats what bothers me.

Also, i dont know if parents disciplining their children has very much to do with the choices they make. My parents never told me not to drugs or smoke or have sex. They just trust me, and have good reason too. Ive made the choice not to do those things because i have no desire to. I think a lot of teens let peer pressure and friends influence what they do, and thats the problem. They need to start thinking for themselves. And if they have strong and caring family at home, like i believe i do, all the better.

Because generation upon generation has placed very high standards on their children only to be proven that sometimes their kids go against what their parents expect of them.

Look at the teen statistics on pregnancy, std's and sexual activity. I doubt very strongly that any of their parents encouraged them. In fact, in many cases, their parents discouraged them so much that it made it extremely appealing to them.

I don't know any parent who teaches "will and must ".

It's more like "I want you not to, but I know that you will be faced with the option at some point."

I have 2 daughters and a step-daughter with whom I have had to discuss sexuality . I maintained with all of them that the more age, wisdom, maturity, and stability you can have under your belt when you become sexually active, the better. Common sense, right ?

Only one of those girls gave a definite judgment call when I phrased it as such. She looked at me and said "well, I am waiting til I am married then. If that's where babies come from, why would I want to have a baby without being married ?".

I didn't ask her for a vow of chastity....

and I realize that she may change her mind between now and then. But we need to educate our children about sexuality, and expect that our expectations are not foolproof.

After staying alive, and eating, sex is the third most powerful drive. There have always been people who had sex in their teens, and short of shooting them, there always will be. Maybe you lived somewhere that was very conservative, but I can assure you, teenagers have always had sex. So there are two ways of dealing with it. You can pretend it doesn't happen, and when it does, treat it in a manner similar to The Scarlet Letter. Or you can accept that it will happen, and help them out. I concur that there are too many parents that don't have a clue what their kids are up to, and that is wrong. However, teaching kids nothing but abstinence just doesn't work. And oddly enough, the abortion rate drops under democratic administrations. You may not find that on the Fox web site, but do a little research. You can't legislate teenage sex out of existence.

I know what you mean. My mom didnt want me to make the same mistake that she made in getting pregnant at a young age. So she told me that when I find the man I love and know that he is the one that it is ok. I didnt loose my virginity until the age of 20 and it didnt work out. But I then later met my husband I had my daughter while we were engaged. We had talked about getting married before my daughter was even thought of. But we were engaged and married by common law when I had my daughter. We got married this year. But It doesnt really matter because we are both happy and love each other very much. I see these young girls now days wearing these slutty clothes. If I wore half of the things that I see I would be told to cover up. Plus I wouldnt stoop to that low of a level to get attention. Then you get these young girls who are so freaked out about getting pregnant.. Umm well if they have a little respect for themselves and learn about SAFE SEX then they wouldnt have that problem. Then you have these girls that get an attitude if a guy looks at them while wearing clothes that reveal all. Well you know they would have that problem if they would cover up.. My daughter will not wear things like that. I nor her father will allow it. She will also get "the talk" when she starts her period.

I dunno about you but my parents really were clueless about sex. I'd been living with my boyfriend in university, and they were wondering how 3 people (us + roommate) were gonna sleep in a 2 bedroom appartment. Didn't even clue in we may share the same bed. Hell they still get uncomfortable around the sex topic(I do too because I was brought up so that sex was a very private thing- I can barely say penis lol) and I'm married!

My mother-in-law on the other hand wants grandchildren like you wouldn't believe, but that's because she just has so much love and emotion to give, she can't help but want to be surrounded by babies/children. Not saying my mother isn't loving, she just would rather I wait till I was like.. 30 to have kids, rather than 25 (which is when i plan on poppin one out).

I really don't think the media is telling kids to grow up too fast- or to have sex earlier and earlier. I do think dicipline has become far too lax over the years, as simple things as spanking for punishment, or taking pictures of your babies playing in the tub have become taboo, other things change too.

I think I'm rambling now too.

To ignore the statistics that say most teens are going to engage in some sexually activity is simply foolish. Same as drugs and alcohol. The simple fact is that teens engage in risky behavior. Very few parents want their kids to do these things. Most of the parents that I know teach the kids to wait. Preach abstinence. But if that is all you do and the kids wind up making a bad decision. Then what? But if you have also taught them how to be safe and they still wind up making a bad decision, Then at least the damage is minimized.

I couldn't agree with you more. As someone who had a pretty experimental teen phase, I plan to pay a lot more attention to how my kids approach relationships. My plan is to talk to them about sex and relationships and the seriousness of both so much that every time they think of being active, they think of me and my lectures and think "eew mom!"

Seriously, my plan for my son is to communicate to him that every relationship with everyone is one of shared energy, that everyone we encounter becomes a little part of us. The more intimate the relationship, the more a part of us they become. My goal is to have him understand that when you sleep with someone or are intimate with them, that you are, in some way,bound to them forever. With a boy-- my fear is that he will be one of those guys who is looking to score at whatever cost.

For my daughter, I want to communicate her worth and the power she has as a girl and as a woman. I want her to understand that giving up your body doesn't usually make a relationship better and usually ends it when you are a teenager. I would also love to let her know that sex is so much better later on-- when you're not trying to prove how awesome you are. I don't know how I will communicate that since I sure wouldn't have believed that part from my mom.

You know, my mom just covered her eyes and said "don't give away the goods too soon honey." There was no conversation about how dating worked, how relationships worked or should work. It's a miracle I escaped with the slightest bit of self esteem and that I wasn't pregnant by 16.

My kids are little right now and I will be pretty old when they are teens. I am doing my best to stay relevant so I will have some influence when we reach that point. But it worries me too.

I think you're right that we should teach our children to wait until marriage. It's a good thing to do for your children and for society. The more people who realize that teenagers do not have to have sex to be normal kids, the more ethics will persist in our community. The important thing I think is to remember that abstinence for teenagers is ideal, and that ideal situations with teens are rare. Parents would do their teens a favor by teaching them to respect themselves and their bodies, not to dress in suggestive ways, and to embrace their individual beliefs and standards despite what other teens are doing. But this is all stuff we should teach our children for the sake of their own health and growth, not just to keep them from having sex. We have to understand that as teenagers our children are growing up and learning to make their own decisions. That means that we need to listen to them and their opinions about these issues. We should always be there for them whatever choices they make, and while we need to tell them what we want them to act like so they know what we expect from them, we have to understand that they most likely won't agree with us. we should never alienate them or push them away because that would only push them into making more poor decisions. I think it's important that we understand that as parents we can't control teenagers, we can only help if they are willing to listen. By the time they are making decision about sex, we should have already instilled the self respect and courage that will enable them to make the right decisions for themselves. I am totally confused about your last statement though "avoid KEEPING a baby while they're PLAYING with sex" You don't think part of teaching your kids to be mature adults includes taking responsibility for their actions? Making one sure, of course teach them about safe sex, but keeping one that's already made? * You mean other people feel that way, right? Cause' that seems a little liberal for the other views you expressed.*

I don't have kids, so I can't say.

However the answer to your question is simple:

People who don't do what you do don't have the neural network in their brain that you do.

They teach their kids, whether intentionally or not, different ideas on sex before adulthood.

Their kids gain this neural network, and may, or may not let it control their actions.

If they do listen, they may pass it down to their children as well.

In any case, there are still people out there that strictly forbid sex before marriage/adulthood, so you are not alone.

Also, I don't know where you are getting this idea, and honestly it is very hard to control the behaviors of animals.