4th Fay's Talk Show Starring Fay Koprah c/c?

Due to legal action against us, we were forced to change the name of our show. We must also admit publicly that Oprah Winfrey is not and has never been jealous of Fay Koprah, her clothing, her guests, her (questionable) talent or her ability to transform into any number of peculiar characters or write in any number of (utterly phony) accents, herewith and forthright and et al and all other legal wordage to be applied howsoever Miss Winfrey desires. We have also been ordered to stay at least 100 yards from Miss Winfrey and relinquish any and all tickets to her show.) Happy?

(disturbance at the door... security guards refuse entrance to three seedy characters, one of whom is wearing no pants. One cries, "Utter bil...!" while a tall, hairy man screams something about moist, mowed grass. The heavy door is closed against their frustrated screams as lights come up...)

Fay Koprah - (She is as professional as ever and not the least shaken by the disturbance.) Welcome to our fourth show! Today we have several guests, all of whom you will enjoy! Up first is poet extraordinaire, Shultzie! (prolonged applause)

Shultzie - Why, thank you. Thank you!

Fay - Shultzie, Dear, this week's topic is 'The Fruit of Harvest'; have you any comments or could you share your most profound wisdom.

Shultzie - I like corn, Fay. (applause) You wouldn't believe how loudly I wailed when I plucked the last ear from my garden.

Fay - You actually 'wailed?'

Shultzie - Loudly enough I disturbed my neighbor, Mek. He was in the middle of writing a poem, my wail startled him and his finger got stuck on the 'dot' button.

Mek (speaking out of turn) But it was fortuitous, Fay! I liked the look of the extra ellipses so well, I started using them as a signature in my writing. I have become known for dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot my dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dots. Of course, they don't translate as well in the spoken word.

Fay - Lilly45, Dear, what are your thoughts on today's topic?

Lilly45 - I just love this subject, Fay, and guess what? I have the best illustration! Look! And I found it on the internet! (cheers, applause)

Fay - Isn't she just something? Elys?

Elys - Yalsie?

Fay - You are quite beloved among the bards and have that unique accent that flavors your writings! (extended applause) Surely you have no critics?

Elys - Wellsey, Faysey, I wouldn't exactly say that. There's one big, hairy dudesey who likes to use words like obtusey when he critiques me; I've learned to ignore him and moor my boat elsewhere. (standing ovation) Good Morning, yalsey! And thank ya kindly!

Fay - Wonderful to know! Now back to our topic, Elys?

Elys - I'd like to hand that question to Mizzy, please.

Mizzy - (applause) Well, Fay, the only thing I can come up with is a poem about some fruit. I read it this morning, but I've been too busy trying to explain its meaning to one of our poetry students and...

Fay - Pardon me Mizzy, please. Uh, What Is It To U? Dear?

What Is It To U - Uh huh?

Fay - Not the 'cushioned' chair, Sweetheart...

What Is It To U - Oh, I forgot!

Fay - Quite alright, Love.

Fay - Oh, I'm getting the signal, we're all out of time! And I wanted to slip the banana somewhere in today's topic; I hear everyone is talking about it... Well, until tomorrow, ba-bye!