PARAMEDICS, EMT'S AND NURSES!! I need your best stories :)?

I wont say where, but at the very start of my career I went on a call to a "person down" in a rock quarry just outside of the large metropolitan area in which I work. When we arrived with the PD there was a car at the bottom of the quarry with the lights on and the engine running. Inside were two occupants a male and a female. Both were obviously dead, bright red and literally frozen in the act of sex. In an effort to make the sex more enjoyable (or so we think) they piped the exhaust from the tailpipe into the car and went at it. The best part is that the young male was the mayor's son. He went to great pains up to and including threatening our jobs and issuing promotions to keep the nature of his sons death quiet. To this day 12 years later I have never seen anything about it in the paper, and that then mayor is now our state attorney general...

A guy called 911 and told dispatch that his "butt hurt." That's all he would say... He was just crying and said his butt hurt.

The address he gave was a room at a local motel, but he wouldn't answer the door when we got there, so we had the manager let us in. When we went in there were empty vodka bottles EVERYWHERE... At least a dozen of them.

The patient was on the bed, and he was VERY drunk. He wouldn't tell us what was wrong, and he wouldn't let us examine him, he just said his butt hurt and he wanted a ride to the hospital, so we loaded him up and took him.

A few hours later that night, after a different call brought us back to the same hospital, one of the nurses came up to me and hand me a small plastic bag filled with about 5 poop and blood-covered bottle caps. It turns out that every time the guy finished off a bottle of vodka he would take the bottle cap and stick it up his butt. They would go up there nice and easy, but when he went to the bathroom the sharp metal edges where the cap connects to the metal safety ring on the bottle would rip him to shreds.

Judging from the number of bottles in that hotel room, minus the 5 that were still up there, he probably pooped out about 8-10 bottle caps in all.

Ok I was off call when this happened. My friend who covered for me that week-end told me this story. I worked in the emergency ward in Boston and this fireman came in with part of a bed post impaled in his abdomen. The way the story goes is that he was naked and fooling around with his gf. He suddenly leaped on the four poster bed and snapped one of the bed posts and impaled himself on the post. His gf was about to call 911 but he told her not too because he was too embarrassed because he knew all the paramedics and ambulance drivers in town. She didn't know what to do so she was stunned by what he had told her. She waited and then he passed out. She then called 911 and the ambulance whisked him to the emergency ward and the doctors tried everything to resuscitate him but he expired from lack of blood. The ambulance drivers and paramedics cried because they knew him and from what I understand was a really great fireman. The nurses and doctors talked about it for days.