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Insomnia Poem - Critique Requested?
~Insufficient~
I pray to crosses thrown
from streetlights through my pane,
that this insane refrain
will cease its hold on my brain,
and offer only sweet release.
How many shadows of shadows
must I commit to conversation?
From their corners of maybes,
with an abstract vocation,
to permit and submit
an elegy to sleepless mourners,
and these lids remain ajar
while ceilings remain mute to questions,
astute observations that these eyes
look like scars
rendered in the fabric of night.
While dawn approaches,
madness encroaches
on another wide eyed day.
Strange that, "keep trying" as someone answered .. Hmm will have to speak to my publisher about book number 4.
4 Answers
- chevvylLv 61 decade ago
Last paragraph! lovely, that`s when I woke up while reading the others. Keep trying , your heading in the right direction to being a great poet. (A tired one though!)
- ?Lv 45 years ago
i don't worry approximately harsh critique. i've got had numerous that for the time of my time. You circulate forward in case you think of i've got written rubbish. via the way, spelling errors on your first line HH. would desire to be pal upload: except you have have been given a distinctive way of spelling it anyplace you come from.(smiles)
- durulz2000Lv 61 decade ago
Excellent stuff! Worked perfectly.
By the middle of the second stanza I was fast asleep with boredom - cured my insomnia no end!
