Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and beginning April 20th, 2021 (Eastern Time) the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.

Fug-azi asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Insomnia Poem - Critique Requested?

~Insufficient~

I pray to crosses thrown

from streetlights through my pane,

that this insane refrain

will cease its hold on my brain,

and offer only sweet release.

How many shadows of shadows

must I commit to conversation?

From their corners of maybes,

with an abstract vocation,

to permit and submit

an elegy to sleepless mourners,

and these lids remain ajar

while ceilings remain mute to questions,

astute observations that these eyes

look like scars

rendered in the fabric of night.

While dawn approaches,

madness encroaches

on another wide eyed day.

Update:

Strange that, "keep trying" as someone answered .. Hmm will have to speak to my publisher about book number 4.

4 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    This is amazingly good. You're talented, keep it up. Well done!

  • 1 decade ago

    Last paragraph! lovely, that`s when I woke up while reading the others. Keep trying , your heading in the right direction to being a great poet. (A tired one though!)

  • ?
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    i don't worry approximately harsh critique. i've got had numerous that for the time of my time. You circulate forward in case you think of i've got written rubbish. via the way, spelling errors on your first line HH. would desire to be pal upload: except you have have been given a distinctive way of spelling it anyplace you come from.(smiles)

  • 1 decade ago

    Excellent stuff! Worked perfectly.

    By the middle of the second stanza I was fast asleep with boredom - cured my insomnia no end!

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.