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Can someone fall back in love with the person you stopped loving?

I am separated from my husband of 10yrs...He LOVED me so much now I know that but I was so mean to him over the years that he told me on our 7th yrs that he didnt feel the same anymore...now 3yrs later he says he fell out of love but cares for me. He met this other woman when we were still living together and after I found out I moved out..big mistake because she slowly got to him. Its been a year and my husband and I somehow started seeing eachother again, I have not dated anyone since I moved out. He has seen the change in me and tells me he really would like to see if the passion and the love he felt for me can return. The thing is this other woman is still in the picture he says she doesnt have the life he wants(she has two kids, we have none) but that he cannot say no to her...everytime he tells her he cant do it she keeps calling and wont leave him alone. I really would like to know if there is a possibility it can happen where the love returns after it has left....I LOVE him, after all these years and whats happened I'm still in love with him

Update:

Thank you all for your great advise and opinions. I honestly dont know what to do, either hes a very good liar or hes telling me the truth. I have spoken to this other woman, and she has said things to me that he has confided in her.. When I asked him about it he said that was when he first met her and we werent even speaking so I believe him. She also said he has told her or keeps telling her he doesnt love me. I am starting to figure this girl out, she might just be telling me this info so I can get mad and leave him for her, when I tried to leave he pulls me back in and says to please dont give up on him yet that she is just mad things arent going her way. Last time I spoke to her she said she was moving on hes not worth it blah blah blah but then to find out she calls him again, or it might be him pulling her right back in like he does me. Why wont he let me go?

11 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Yes, realistically for a marriage to last ~50years you will need to do this more than once.

    You also have to grow and change, grow together and change for the better.

    This is why marriage is about commitment not "I feel in-love".

    So that's what you need to ask of him now.

    You realize that you treated him something-awful and are willing to change, in exchange you need him to recommitt himself to the marriage and cut this other women out of his life.

    He literally loves both of you now and has to emotionally kill one of you off - that's why he will postpone making this decision as long as he possibly can.

    A bit of cop-out, is to let the women fight it out, and which one gets fed up first "looses".

    Source(s): His Needs; Her Needs; Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
  • 1 decade ago

    Well remember as each year goes by in life, you are growing and changing. You both are not the people you were before. As you get older, the same things that bothered you before may not bother you now that you matured and realized some things just aren't that serious. Then sometimes separation gives two people the opportunity to figure things out. so many reasons. It's possible. Then sometimes people THINK the grass is greener on the other side and once they realize its just the same old dirt, they return back to what they know and find a new and more exciting spark.

    Another thing to look at is some people are better at being friends than husband and wife. You and your hubby were friends first -- then you got married. Some folks cant handle marriage. So once the marriage dissolves, they find themselves loving the friend. Love is love. Just because people divorce, all that means is I can't be married you but it dosn't mean you stop having feelings for a person.

    Marriage is hard work that is full of gives and takes. In marriage two people have to be COMMITTED to the FIGHT. Even hrough the no so fun parts. REAL love will stand even in the bad. So ask yourself do you REALLY love HIM? Or do you only like the good parts of him. Could you put up withe the no-so good parts again? What made you divorce in the first place? Are you BOTH willing to WORK through those parts and come to a harmonious place.

    Try using Dr. Phil McGraw's book "Relationship Rescue". Get the WORKBOOK, not the book and go through the exercises. You'll discovere just where you are at.

  • Ian
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Well, here's the thing. You can't stop loving someone and then fall back IN love with them. You never stopped loving him. If you hated or stopped loving someone, there was probably a tiny tiny little piece of that old flame still burning. The only way you can stop loving someone completely is if you fell more in love with someone else. And even if you stopped loving the new person and start loving the old one, you aren't falling in love again, because you already loved them once. It's kind of confusing, but it makes sense. Hope this helps!!

  • CHICKA
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Go have him watch obessed. Okay, now you have this other woman. He has seen the grass isn't greener too bad he had to ruin your marriage to find out. Now ask yourself why are you willing after he left you for this other woman who controls him and he feels more obligated to her then you since he can't say no to her would you want this man who has ties to a control freak back in your life? Now if he is remorseful, move far away from said woman and then perhaps he will start having feelings for you again. It to me sounds like a game where he needs to man up and see it for what it is. He screwed up and he should know whether he loves you or not. Love, is a commitment. Love is through the thick and thin, rich or poor, it is not based on an emotion it is a choice. So don't fall for that bull if he wants to be commited to you he wouldn't play this game, because that is what it is.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I may only be 16, but I felt that same way, and quite honestly still do about my first love. I don't see him much, but i still love him to death nearly 4 years later. Now i know what you're thinking, i'm way too young to know what the heck love is. But honestly it dosnt matter on age. If you love him and want to be with him then I say go for it. Especially if he wants you as well. You could even help him with this woman that he can't seem to get away from. Good luck. I'm rooting for you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Tell him if he wants to try to work things out with you the other woman has to go! and then search your heart...if you still have feelings for the man... give him a shot...you did make the for better or worse vow right? and yes it is possible to fall back in love....

  • 1 decade ago

    for what its worth, he's willing to try. the other woman is just a rebound to him. for you two to succeed you really need to figure out what went wrong so you two can make it work. its so easy for things to fall back to normal. you two have to figure out together what its gonna take to work, what you both need when things are tough. you will know if he's committed or not. trust your gut, and if he's not or your not, you both shouldn't be afraid to say anything. all out honesty is required to make it

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes it's possible for you to still love him & for him to still love you, however you need to tell him if you two are going to work things out then he needs to make a choice & stick to it, on which woman he wants in his life, tell him that you are not willing to share!!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sure..but it won't help if you ended up with the same unresolved issues later.

  • She won't leave him alone? He lets her in his life.

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