Info on private adoption agencies?

Well, had i gone the adoption route my journey would have started with a "Pregnancy Crisis Center." When i first found out i was pregnant, i was shocked! Me and my now husband had been very careful and statically i had like 5% chance of getting pregnant. Lucky me i guess! Anyway, I was having VERY sharp pains where my fallopian tubes are, which is a sign of an ectopic pregnancy. I had just recently moved to Nevada from Texas to spend the summer with my boyfriend. So i was in a lot of pain, scared and had no "womanly" support. (sorry but guys really just don't cut it when it comes to female reproduction). I called my mom and told her the news, she suggested that i goggle the Centers and set up an appointment. Oh if only she had known how they were going to treat me...

Pretty much after confirming my pregnancy the first question they asked was "Do you plan to keep it?" Now to me this is the first seed of doubt they planted in young vulnerable girls head. I mean why wouldn't i keep it? I was 21, had the support of my family, had the support of the father who has a amazingly good job and I'm intelligence enough to raise my child on my own even if i didn't have that support system. All this i had told them before hand.

Anyway, i answered "i wasn't sure" because of the pain i was in i thought it was ectopic and if it had been getting an abortion is the only option. Other wise the baby grows to big and makes the tubes rupture ending the life of the baby and greatly risking the life of the mother who would most likely bleed to death. They then gave me information on my "options." Which was mostly lies about abortion, mostly lies and the "good side" about adoption and little to NO information on parenting...

Pretty much all of the adoption information they gave me, made me sound like some unfit whore of a mother who didn't deserve to parent her child and my child would suffer if i kept him...

I was told the father would never stick around, hmm he is my husband now...

I was told that after the father left me i would never found my "soul mate" because of the child. ~ yeah this is a load of crap.

I was told my child would grow up with a low self esteem, do poorly in school, and most likely engage in criminal behavior if i raised him as a single mother.

I was told that despite the "celebrity trend" of single parenthood, raising my child as a single mother was against biblical teaching. (aka i am a sinner who doesn't deserve my child)

That I would get to name my child and still have contact with him or her via open adoption ~ BIGGEST LIE THEY TOLD ME!!! Open adoptions are NOT legally enforceable. They could close at anytime the adoptive parents feels like and most often do close.

They also told that the father had no say in this decision, which i found funny since they just gone over how important it is to have a father figure in the child's life. Yet, the father has no say...

I was told if i kept him i would never finish college and i would always be a poor struggling single mother. ~ hmm, i was raised poor and you know what i didn't have such a bad life...

I was told that there was a more deserving Christian couple out there that could raise my child better.

And so so much more (sorry i don't still have the papers they gave me because i kind of burned them in the fire place, it was pretty fun). But basically, they tried to take advantage of a poor, scared, vulnerable girl and filled her head with doubts, guilt and shame. When you are in that much distress and have new hormones coursing through your body, it is very very easy to be manipulated!

I believed them for about 2 weeks, even contacted an agency or two and got the same manipulating crap from them. Finally, my intelligence kicked in and i realized everything they were telling me was total and complete CRAP! I burned all the information they gave and refused to pick up the phone when the center and agencies called. I then started to really research adoption and OH how my eyes were opened. My kid would have sold for 20-35k.

Anyway, what i went through was wrong on so many levels. I was a scared hormonal girl seeking the help and advise from people who were suppose to be experts. Instead of encouragement to parent i was told how unfit and undeserving i was to mother my own flesh and blood...

This is the reason i think almost all infant adoptions are wrong. There was NO need for me to place my child. The subject shouldn't have even been brought up, yet it was the main focus for the "options" for me. It was disgusting and i will be bitter about it for a very very long time...

p.s. I'm 40 weeks as of today, seems the little booger just doesn't want to come out!

Really there isn't really a big difference. No matter which way you choose to adopt you have to do all the same things to qualify. I prefer private because, it is a lot more personal. The first mom and the adoptive parents get to set all the rules. For instance how close they are and all. Like the two of you get to decide if the the AP go to doctors visit and all. Also after it is over letters go directly between the AP and the FP. I have heard that going with agencies that they sometimes try to push girls into it. Also I have heard that sometimes the phone calls are made with someone from the agency on the line too. That way you can't give to much information. I have also heard of a situation where the letters had to be sent through the agency but, the agency wasn't getting the letters to the first mom. Dianna

Private adoption has been illegal in the UK since 1958 yet the tactics used by social services and adoption agencies is awful at times regardless of whether the mother chooses adoption or is coerced. Even down to telling mothers that open adoptions are wonderful but they're not told these can be closed. For example I know of two mothers who have "open" adoptions and have to keep going back to court as the adoptive parents keep going back on this despite being in black and white that part of the adoption plan is to have contact.

People on this site seem to think all private adoption agencies are evil because of a few unethical ones. That's not always the case. We looked into many agencies, got scammed out of a lot of money by one, found some that we stayed away from because they did sound unethical, & finally adopted our daughter through an agency that was very good. We did pay more than we wanted to, but some of the money went to legal fees & counseling for the birthmother so she could be sure she felt she was making the right decision. She chose us from our family profile & we got to know her over the phone before the baby was born. We formed a bond with her & felt like she was part of our family, & we were disappointed when at the end she decided it would be too hard to meet us & that we didnt get to meet her. She knew she couldnt support her baby the way she wanted to, & she told us that knowing we would be the parents made her more secure at the end of her pregnancy. I'll get slammed for this, but I believe it's better to place a child at birth if you know you wont be able to raise it the way you'd like, or if you're not in a good situation than to "try" raising your child & have them end up in foster care later after being traumatized. And for the record, we're not rich, we saved for years to adopt, & our child is not white. I believe there are ethical adoption agencies & that not everyone is meant to adopt a special needs older child from foster care. That's why there's many options in adoption. We dont see people telling people to adopt foster children instead of giving birth, but we do see them telling unmarried 15-year-olds who shouldnt even be having sex, have no job, no high school diploma, & no support system to keep their babies & live off the money of the hard working taxpayers. It makes no sense to me, but that's how people seem to think on Yahoo Answers. (This is an example of what I've seen on here, it's not our particular birthmother's situation.) There's nothing wrong with wanting a baby & like I said before not everyone is equipped to raise a special needs foster child. But if you want to adopt a baby you get called selfish, a baby-snatcher, or worse. It's natural to want a baby, that's why so many people get pregnant instead of having adoption be their first choice. I'm not going to share anything more than the basics of our birthmother's situation or our adoption, out of respect for her & our child & our family's privacy, but we had a wonderful experience with our adoption & the agency was very respectful & ethical to everyone involved.