I am curious...when a question is addressed to a certain group, and others from?

First off since this is an open forum anyone can respond to any question they wish even if the asker doesn't like it. For the most part a lot of them are good answers. But you know that if someone isn't liked by others they will get td's or reported for no reason even if they give a very good answer. I think it makes some feel like they have power or something.

It's just like when someone asks for personal experiences on something. If someone gives an experience that they had it shouldn't be td' by anyone just because it wasn't their experience doesn't mean that it is of any less value. You know that some on here think they own the board and that only their opinions count and they don't want others to read opinions that differ from theirs.

It should be anyone can answer if they can give a good answer to a question (and actually answer and not just rant) regardless of their position in the triad. I've noticed for quite a while that this has been going on and the reporting and td's are getting out of hand. But I don't see it changing either. Not until everyone accepts the fact that everyone has their own life experiences and that all of them are valid and legitimate. And accepts the fact that not everyone thinks and feels as they do.,

Legitimate: Yes...as you say...if their own experience can add to what is being explored, then it has value. For example, if someone asks about something of First parents that I have heard or seen from our son's First mom...I take the dive and contribute. It's up to the OP and those who rate if I'm "cutting it".

I try to give the intended recipient their space though...there are some things I will never fully understand even if I get the issue itself.

Why the TU an TDs? Boggles the mind. If someone is telling their truth and being respectful...then someone somewhere is learning.

I've noticed it happening yes...nature of the YA beast I'm afraid.

SLY: This one might stick...it's been posted for at least half a day now.

It's still here! :-D

If I answer a question not directed at me (which I try not to do), I will generally preface the answer with a disclaimer that basically lets the asker know that if my answer offends them, due to it being outside the parameters of what they are asking, I will gladly delete it. I've never been asked to delete an answer, but I would gladly do it if I meant THAT MUCH to someone, no hard feelings.

It does bug me a little when people answer on behalf of others...For example: I ask a lot of questions directed at adoptees, because my kids are adoptees, and I usually want their thoughts...When others answer, it is sort of irritating, because I am specifically asking for first hand experience. Most often, it is someone who does not have a direct connection to adoption, and is simply answering the question based on their "experience" with their cousin's best friend's brother-in-law, or some BS like that. Those are the ones that are the most irritating to me, because it seems like someone is just answering the question for kicks but has absolutely no first-hand knowledge of adoption WHATSOEVER. Which, they have every right to do, to be sure, but I also have the right to not pick their answer either, and give them TD.

Now, that said, if I ask a question, I usually do it with a few things in mind. First, I almost NEVER TD answers to my own questions unless I find them a) COMPLETELY irrelevant (cousin's best friend's brother-in-law, for example) or b) abusive...If they are name-calling, or just being a**holes, they're getting TD. I don't TD answers to my questions that I disagree with, because I figure, 'Hey, I asked'...I also know that some people are going to have something to add that may be outside my parameters. Doesn't mean it's the most relevant, but it's also not earth-shattering, and might end up sparking some good points for someone else, to whom the question is relevant, so I don't mind too much. That's happened to me...A question addressed to AP's won't seem particularly interesting, but an answer not exactly on topic will set something off in my mind and I'll suddenly be compelled to answer. So, you never know.

However, IMHO, anything that asks a "feelings" question should be reserved for that group to answer. If I want to ask how Natural Mothers feel about something, I'm not interested in what others surmise they might feel about it, and that works all ways...If adoptees or AP's are asked for their feelings on something, they should really be the only ones answering, since feelings are pretty personal, and very few could "imagine" how another person might feel in entirely a different situation from their own.

When I answer these types of questions it's because of experience of being in reunion and being able to answer the question. I have noticed this happening and keep wondering why people get TDs when they are answering the question or why the questioner gets so touchy when they can see that they have got a legitimate answer, Mind you I've also noticed that the questioner also gets very touchy when they are being judgemental so it's as if they don't like anybody defending themselves and answering the question properly.

I have noticed it, and every 'position' of the 'triad' seems to do it, as do people uninvolved in adoption. I also find it tends to be more noticeable to us when it's our 'own' group being answered on behalf of, whereas it's easier to overlook if it was directed to someone else (which I think is just human nature.)

I would say the answers are legitimate in terms of what they are, since the question is being asked in an open forum without specific requirements for participation, BUT they should be taken with a grain of salt since they don't represent the actual experience of a member of the group in question. These answers should be taken as interpretation, speculation, or opinion-- which all have their place in a society with protections on free speech, but also need not be taken as gospel truth simply by being expressed.

And sometimes those other answers actually DO have something valid to say, and shouldn't be automatically dismissed outright just because the question was asked in a more narrow way.

If someone has a question that for some SERIOUS reason needs to be spoken about ONLY by those those who it directly affects, it should be asked in a forum that actually limits participation to that group. Asking a question in a public forum will, for better or worse, get public answers. If the asker isn't prepared to separate out what is useful to them and dismiss the rest as just the answerer's point of view, Yahoo Answers is probably too open of a discussion space to suit their current needs.

Opinions are like a$$holes.

Everyone has one.

On this site, when you post a question - you are ASKING for opinions. You are asking for facts. You are opening up a little corner of your life and allowing people to comment on it. Don't ask if you don't want to know. Everyone who comes here should know and understand that.

Yes, everyone's answer, opinion, point of view is legitimate. (Trolls are the only acception)

The "TU" "TD" thing is silly. People use the thumbs down so that their answer is the only one that shows when they go to vote for themselves. It means nothing.

We are equal opportunity insulters. Ask a silly question, you'll get a silly answer. Ask a question that's asked at least once a day and you'll get bitter, insulting answers.

I know I sometimes answer, but state upfront it is only my opinion. It might be when I don't agree, or the question is directed to say aodptees, but I have a relevent experience. People can take or leave the answers, I am sure others just go down and arbitrarily go thumbs up or down, and some people will choose their opinions on others no matter what they right.

Are our answers legitimate? Maybe not from the person asking, but I don't generally do what I am told....a rebel I am. Giving unsolicited advice is what life is all about! :)

I know that some adoptees have said "My aparents said this." And that's generally given a pass. But heaven forbid an aparent says "My adopted son/daughter said this." I have a hard time understanding why it's okay for one group to speak for someone else, but not okay for another to do the same thing. Yes, I've heard the justification that "Adoptees aren't honest with their aparents about their feelings", but I think that's an excuse.

Basically, if a question is addressed to one group (aparents, bioparents, adoptees) then everyone should do the common courtesy thing and leave it to that group to answer.

As of this writing, you posted this question 25 minutes ago. With the current report-happy trend, I give it four hours.

ETA: Several hours later and the Question is still here! Woot!

I despise it.

I absolutely hate it when people answer on the behalf of an adoptee they know. I am sure if you asked my aunt, or cousin, or grandmother they would say I am grateful and perfectly happy with it. They do not realize that I do suffer from it. Not even my mom and dad know how deep that goes. The only person that really can begin to see how much I am bothered by the fact I am adopted is my husband. It really irks me to think that these random people can say 'oh, my cousin or sister or blah blah are super duper happy & have an super awesome life and they are ALWAYS okay' or some crap like that. I can say that as an adoptee, I will never tell anyone in my adoptive family how much I hurt from it just because I love them and respect their feelings and would hate to make them think they caused me pain when they didn't.

I very rarely answer a question that is addressed to biological mothers or adoptive parents. Really the only time I will answer is if someone says its rare to have a 'cracked out birth mom' (I do.she may not be on crack, but whats a pain pill or 50) or that all PAP's are after babies (mine weren't). But as to answer on the behalf of someone I DO NOT do. I answer on what I have experienced.

I'm getting lazy in me old age - if there's something icba to read, I'll td it just so I don't have to scroll past it next time I open that question.

As for answering questions from other sides: if it's something I've discussed with whomever it is on that side, I will pass on what's been said, or at least what I think was said. Me relaying the message shouldn't invalidate the message being relayed.