stupid for not hitting 12 month old ?

Your father is not aware that you feel this way is he? If the way he disciplined you "worked" then you wouldn't get these feelings. Tell your dad how you feel and let him know that his discipline has had a lasting negative effect on you. Tell him that you don't want your son growing up feeling the way you do.

In the end it is your choice how you discipline your son, and you should not let ANYONE tell you that you are doing the wrong thing.

Wow your father is abusive. At 1 year old your son will not respond to pain and in most cases by the time you serve any punishment he forgot the act that he did. Even if he does remember the act that is being connected to the punishment he won't understand why it was wrong.

your 12 month old no matter how bright he is the last thing a child learns is his morals and decision making. he'll be 2-2 1/2 before you can start punishing him to the point he'll understand what is going on. Even then at the age of 2 you don't ever want to bring him pain. It will be to for him and he'll be start becoming scared often if he experiences pain often as a child. Many people that are often scared in life or fear random stuff can be linked to this. The best form of punishment after the age of 2 to 4 is going to be a explainion of what he did and why it was wrong then lightly slap the top of his hand. It should not case him any pain but he will begin to cry cause he feels sadness of the disaproval of his mother/father that he just received. you'll be amazed at how well this works.

It's my belief thou at the age of 5 a child should be punished with pain. spankings should be plentiful. never to leave a mark, just a red bottom. Never more then 5 and you should no longer be holding back from creating a painful experince for the boy. At the age of 5 he now is capable of trickery and will begin crying before a spanking hoping for a light sentance.

Of course this is all just IMO and as a parent you should work out your own parenting ways. talk it over with your spouse. He/She has a right to decide if and when to use spankings.

Lastly Your father is abusive and in no way should his parenting idea's ever change how you take care of your child.

i don't agree with hitting children. your dad may have raised 3 children but that doesn't mean the way you raise your son is wrong. i would just tell your dad he's your son and you will discipline him how you see fit. all children are different and what works for one wont work for another. i think you sound like a good mum and shouldn't listen to what other people think just get on with your life how you want.

i agree with your comment you dont hae to hit your son to get him to behave there are other ways of doing that e/g the naughty chair/step or taking a toy away for a day.

Do you want your son to grow up remembering being hurt like you were. If so, then your dad is correct. Step up and tell your dad how you felt as a child, and that you don't want that for your son. I don't believe that spanking is always abusive, but you have issues from abuse as a child, so I can see why it would traumatize you to smack your child (especially such a young boy). There are better ways of discipline...and it sounds like you're a good mom. Btw, I know it is unrelated...but telling your dad how you felt as a child will make you feel a lot better....and it will allow you to forgive easier.

*then, I'll bet in his heart, he knows it's true

Hitting your kids is wrong. It makes you feel bad when you think about your dad hitting you because it was wrong, and it made you feel bad then. The parents' job is to raise confident children, not scared or shameful children. If the only way your dad knew how to "discipline" his children was to hit them, then he didn't really do a great job "raising his 3 kids". Expecting a one year old to have a ton of self control is ridiculous. He's curious, he's learning. Redirection and distraction worked great for my son at that age.

I'm sorry, I know I'm being brutally honest, but that's just how I feel.

I dont think there isnt a reason for you to lightly tap on the hand and say no but hitting them really hard on the hand is wrong, do what you want to do your the mother of your son and your dad isnt.

Anyone who has to resort to hitting a 12 month old to keep them from touching a drawer is failing in their job to protect, care for and teach that child. The second someone puts "slap the infant" on the top of the strategy list, it is a sign that they should not be caring full time for an INFANT.

YOU are right. Your father is very, very wrong.

You're not stupid.

Why is it that we tell children to use their words, but first chance we get, we hit them.

I raised my daughter using time outs and consequences. I have never hit her. She is now 8 and very well behaved, both at home, and at school, and in other people's homes.

As your finding out, not hitting your child is harder work, and it takes a little longer, but it does work. And if you ever doubt yourself, think of how your memory of your father hitting you makes you feel. Would you like your son to feel that way about you?

No you are not stupid. You are smart to try your very best to stop the circle of abuse. Just because your dad raised 3 kids by hitting doesn't mean he knows best, look at how you feel about it now. Your heart burns when you have hit Diego because you know it's not right.

Of course you're not stupid. Follow your instincts as a parent and try to have reasonable expectations, too. A 12-month-old sees a lot of tempting things and has little capacity for self-control. Does that really make him deserve to be hit? No.