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Your thoughts/opinions/advice about my poem?

im nothing great, nothing exceptional,

i always see that, you are the better.

you have great friends, while i lost mine,

‘cause i was stupid, while you were so kind.

me, being just so “smart”, thats dumb.

i left you out, even tho i thought you were the one.

you, played smart, and made life fun.

i was an idiot, so i had none.

of course itll mean, us wont ever be “we”

all because of stupid ol’ me,

but its okay, for the fun and memories you left behind,

at least all of that, is forever mine.

even tho i wrote this so long ago,

i feel you will forever have that glow.

~

you’re like a booger,

i'd pick you.

i hope you liked it! :)

and can you read this other poem i wrote :) and give some tips or compliments as well :D

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuF_f...

Update:

there's no set criteria to writing a poem, so meep i see what you're trying to say, but this poem's been written to one person, not for an audience, so it's "childishness" may be part of it's substance. http://www.eliteskills.com/c/12866 you would probably call this childish too right? you talk about my grammar problems, but you don't even know the difference between "right" and "write", so you're obviously a young kid without much experience, so please show your ignorance elsewhere.

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer
  • Meep
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I'm not so wild about it. It has a very simply rhyme scheme and no capitalization. It just looks like something a 12 year old would right. Even if you are 12, that's still a bad poem.

    Basically, in poetry you try to show, not tell. All you're doing is telling me what happened. That makes it very basic and very uninteresting.

    Sorry for the harsh criticism, but it's true.

  • ?
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not inevitably could rhyme in spite of the shown fact that it needs to hit my thoughts. i think of clarity of expression is critical to boot. i do no longer desire to 2d guess what i'm reading approximately. I consistently seek for what I term "poetic gemstones"interior the text cloth.

  • 1 decade ago

    broken heart? hahaaha i love the buger part! help me .... http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=201003... ):

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I really like your poem like I like everybody else.

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