Why are some parents such @ssholes towards their kids?

It is immature and there are a lot of factors contributing to it. Yes, there does seem to be a "stricter than thou" competition these days. Some parents see their children not as individuals, but as little satellites of themselves, little more than show dogs. In fact, lots of people treat their dogs better than they do their children.

These misfits are creating a generation of scared, over-protected, weak kids who can't take a crap without mommy's approval and supervision. They have never been allowed to make decisions, learn from their successes and failures, they've never truly 'owned' anything they've ever done because it wasn't their decision or they never did it at all, so the moment they get some freedom (like when mom finally cuts the umbilical cord at age 30), they will have no clue how to function and will go berserk. They have no common sense because they've never been allowed to practice it and learn from it. They have a total fear of the outside world because, like their parents who shut it out, they have never been in it and think things are much scarier and more dangerous than they really are. It's not healthy, and it does not bode well for theses kids when they get to college and career life.

During the late 60's, 70's and 80's, most parents were like yours and mine: guidance, but lots of freedom, not much scaremongering, little unnecessary strictness. By the time the early 90's hit, things started tightening up with the wave of "safety moms" and this whole strictness trend started a little more. At the same time, the busy-kid, over-structured, over-pushed trend boomed: the idea that every minute of every day in a child's life must be supervised and structured, rather than unsupervised and free to dork around like in previous times, and that if little Timmy didn't master baseball, Russian and get all A's by his 7th birthday, he could forget about being a successful adult (see: making a lot of money - that's what our culture's all about now, money and stuff; forget happiness, fulfillment, community or just being a good person).

It's a cliche, but I personally think 9/11 was the final straw for the total change in parenting. I see you're posting in Canada, but US culture and practices tend to carry over there because of our shared geography and media. People went nuts after 9/11. Saw it with my own two eyes. Parents were no exception. Fear is everywhere. People will do anything if someone promises them a sure result or safety, or if someone tells them doing or not doing something will lead to a bad result. Mean World Syndrome is everywhere. Now everything is based on fear, hysteria, anger, distrust and what the "group" is doing. Community has been lost because no one trusts each other. Certain religious groups - ones who tend to be strong advocates for harsh and restrictive parenting - have gotten much stronger, and much more vocal, and it's influencing culture to become more and more uptight. Rules and strictness are a way for people to feel in control in a world where they feel completely out of control themselves: children just happen to be easy targets because the law does not give them a voice or rights.

It's cyclical. Right now, reasonable "slow" parenting is the minority and the hyperparenting generation is running rampant. Don't worry. They'll eventually run themselves and their children into the ground, and it'll die down. Just appreciate your own parents, they sound like reasonable folks in a world full of unreasonable parents.

I doubt the rules you have mentioned are really that common even among strict parents.

I think the trend of strict parents comes from the realisation that there is a lot of problems with teenagers in particular.

I have no idea yet what kind of parent I will be. I was raised with a lot of freedom and it worked very well for me because I was a naturally quiet and responsible child. I doubt the same methods would work on some of the kids I see around. I think at the end of the day your parenting methods have to depend on the child. If you have a 15 year old that can be trusted to go to a party without doing anything wrong and to come back at a reasonable time and in a safe manner, there's no problem letting her go and even entrusting her with further freedoms. However another 15 year old may not be worthy of the same trust and will need a lot more boundaries. My mom's "freedom method" worked great with me, but not so great with my brother who was more troublesome (he wasn't really doing anything bad he was just a lot more rebellious and had some difficulties at school, but I'm glad to say he turned out ok and is now a very decent and kind-hearted young man).

What seems obvious to me is that parents need to find a balance between being strict and being lax. Being too strict leads to some of the ridiculous rules you have mentioned which can lead to kids becoming stupid from having no idea what the world looks like or rebellious from a desire to know. Being too lax can make for all sorts of issues from just plain arrogance and sense of entitlement from being spoilt to teenage delinquency and promiscuity and all sorts of shenanigans.

With that in mind, let's come back to being too strict. Being a parent obviously gives your certain rights and entitlements, such as a natural assumption that you know better and therefore need to be obeyed. However, parents would benefit from remembering their children are human beings who have desires and dreams and aspire to be allowed their own personality, thoughts, ideas and to have them taken seriously. Constantly treating them as a children who don't know anything is refusing them that perfectly understandable desire. As a teenager you know your brain is no longer a child's brain and being treated as such feels like your thoughts are being locked up. Kinda like a sane person who is being treated as insane. I think you can all imagine what that would feel like.

In short I agree 100% with the point you make. I just wouldn't be an advocate of too much freedom either.

I don't think it's fair for you to call them buttholes or jerks or immature. You sound pretty immature ranting about it when your parents, according to you, aren't like this. My parents are really strict. I'm 15, can't stay home without an adult, no cell phone, bedtime at 9:30, they monitor my t.v., music, etc. They have tons and tons of rules and yeah sometimes I get irritated with how many rules they have, but at the end of the day I'm safe, drug/alcohol/sex free, have a lot of morals and most importantly, I know my parents love me more than anything in the world and I feel the same about them. If I had to choose between strict parents and parents with no rules, I would choose strict because I see other people my age, and they have no respect, goals, or morals so obviously my parents are doing something right. So, stop complaining when it's not even about YOUR parents.

Oh yeah, and to the lady that said "because parents are supposed to be your parents not your friends" LOL my daddy has said that to me at least 100 times. He says if I consider him a "friend" he's doing something wrong.

Me: Sun: Aries(Aries Moon, Gemini Rising Mother: Scorpio Father: Capricorn Stepfather:Sagittarius Brother: Aries Brother Aquarius Brother:Pisces Daughter:Cancer Boyfriend:Leo Favorite relative:Taurus I get along with everyone except my sagittarius stepfather....I cant stand him

It really depends on the kid. Maybe that 16-year-old wasn't making good choices before the bedtime and needed that rule instated so they would get enough sleep to go to school; maybe that 12-year-old was starting to say or act the way the characters on his TV shows did at inappropriate times and needed to be removed from the trigger; maybe that 15-year-old was addicted to the internet like I was at that age. You do not know, you simply do not know. It's fantastic that what your parents did worked for you, but all kids are not the same, all parents are not the same, and families must act accordingly.

I've not seen anything like that...however, what you have described is not abuse or a parent being a jerk...they are setting rules based on what they beleive...just because you don't agree with them does not make the wrong or stupid. You need to do a lot of growing up!

It could be a number of things. Some parents fear what will come of their children if they let them "run wild"... They don't realize that kids will eventually get connections with the outside world whether they want them to or not. Parents know what the world contains (drugs, violence, sex, whatever...) What they don't see is that the more contained your child is, the more likely they are to try everything they can when they get free, just for revenge, or to try new things. Parents don't think these days...

I know what you mean my mom is a fricken Jackass. See my friends were going to the movies then the mall without there parents and some were younger than me and I coudnt go! She says it's not right for kids to be in the mall on there own. I mean if kids younger then me could go why couldn't I. My mom is a ****** *****!

I know exactly what you mean parents are too strict nowadays and they shouldn't be. It's ******* stupid

I didn't really see anything @ss-ish in the examples you gave, maybe just a little behind the times. Not all parenting styles are the same, and not everyone's family will be like yours .