Grown man acting like a child?

Question

My husband suddenly wants out of our marriage now that I am pregnant with our second child. I've cried a million tears already, and right now I'm just angry. He didn't start acting different till he started hanging out with this new group of guys. All they do is hang out all the time, smoke pot, and ride around acting like kids. They are all younger than my husband, which is 25. I'm thinking that he may be trying to "get his youth back" (which he is still young) and might be trying finish sowing his wild oaks. I don't know but he never hardly comes home anymore. When he does, it's always past 10 pm. We've already got a daugther, and he is missing out on her life, which pisses me off severely. 

Anyway, he says he is filing for divorce. The thing is that we've basically been getting along just fine (other than having to deal with the tension of him being gone so much). I don't know what the hell his problem is. It's like he's having some sort of early mid life crisis. He says he doesn't love me anymore, and when he says it, it doesn't seem like he means it. I feel like his new "buddies" are pushing the issue trying to get him to leave me so they can have him all to themselves. He spends most of his money on them, buying pot for them and taking them out to eat. He also rides them around everywhere, so of course they want to see more of him. 

He says he is going to move out and get his own apartment. He says he is just not ready to be a family man (too late). Nothing he is saying makes sense, nor does it seem like it is coming from him. When those guys don't call him, he stays home, and acts like himself. He is getting an apartment with the youngest guy, which is 20 and does NOT work. This is all very hurtful, but now I'm just pissed. 

He only makes 300.00 per week after taxes. The apt. he wants is 380.00 per month. His power will probably be around 80.00 - 100.00, and then there is the water bill, gas for his truch, CHILD SUPPORT, ailimony (if I qualify) food, and his truck payment which is 180.00 per month. My question is, how the hell does he think he is going to do all this? He only makes 1200.00 per month.

I personally don't think he is thinking about the extra responsibilty of having his own place, plus child support, paying all of his own bills, having to support a 20-year old guy, etc. As long as we've lived together, we've always split the bills down the middle, and have a home that is payed for. I think the only thing he is thinking about is having a place where him and his dumbass friends can hang out and party. I mentioned the cost of everything to him the other day, and then he got reeeeaaaaly quiet, and went outside and just stared for like 30 minutes. He also started being sweet toward me again. He is so confusing to me right now. It's like he is just too easily influenced! He is my husband, and I do love him dearly. We've been together for almost 7 years. I was just trying to open his eyes to what he is really doing, not what he dreaming of doing. It's not going to be easy for him by no means, I just wish he could see that and tell his friends (which are by the way, counting on him to leave me) to **** off.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

He is still a child.
http://whats_the_right_age_2_marry.dads-house.org/
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Anonymous · Answer

Well, unless you make substantially less then him, you aren't likely to get alimony. Now, as far as child support, once the second is born he will be looking at paying about 25% of his income. Frankly, if his feelings are this fickle, I'd let him dig his hole and find his way out. If you really love him, you need to use tough love. Meaning if he wants to come home don't let it be on his terms, make him jump through some hoops if you are even by then willing to take him back. I'm not saying play games and pretend you no longer want him. Let him know you love him, but that you can't accept him this way, that you aren't an open door he can pass through and exit whenever he wants to.

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like he's cheating to be unfortunately honest with you... Hanging out with guys who aren't married or have kids when he's married is the first mistake... what on earth do they have in common? Not family.. Not a wife.. not a daughter.... not responsibility. Those guys are probably into partying and girls girls girls... so if your man is out with them.. he might be exposed to things he needn't be! Not to mention you say he's been getting home late all the time, and now all of a sudden he's acting all sweet toward you? Either he's doing somethings he shouldn't be doing... or he is listening to his buddies rag on him for being a family man... either way he's taking them way too seriously....

Sorry that he is filing for a divorce... I can't imagine how rough that has to be with a daughter and a baby on the way... I will be praying for you.

Anonymous · Answer

A lot of grown women act like children too. It's called immaturity. Stay away from people like that.

shydolphin319 · Answer

Honey, just because he's a male doesn't mean that he's your husband or the man you need him to be.  Ain't no way I would let my man wild out like that.  He wants to go out and sow his wild oats, then let him go.  This is not the environment you need to provide for yourself or any of your children especially with the drugs.  Personally I would call his bluff.  Your job is to protect yourself and your children.  Go get the divorce papers for him, then take him to child support and let him feel how its like to be an adult.

Mark H · Answer

So let him go.  He will realize quickly enough that as much as he may want to go back in time and not have any responsibilities, he can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.  It's too late.  Insist he pay his child support.  Prosecute if you have to.  He will have his fun for 6 months then beg you to take him back when he realizes he can't afford the life he wants, now.

Anonymous · Answer

I dunno what state you live in, but the child support laws are pretty much the same all around.
A family court judge has a clear-cut guideline to go by. 
His pay is this much, he has 1 (soon to be 2?) kids, his child support will be X amount. 
There's NO negotiating in this for him.
What he has left over ... is what he has left over (after the child support, taxes, & such are taken out of his paycheck.)  He's gonna suffer. 
You & the kids will also financially suffer; but you'll be better off without that jerk. 
God bless.

Thatshim · Answer

Treat a man like a child, he will act as a child. However the key issue here is your statement about having a child and him changing his mind and you say "too late". you have backed him up against the wall and he is not mature enough to handle it. in fact your happy relationship is not happy at all.
there is no shining sore on this leperous relationship

Anonymous · Answer

Hell yea he's going to be sweet around you ...Look what he will have to pay..You know what they say "It's cheaper to keep her"..But don't let him use you.Put your foot down and let him know where you stand and what you expect from him as a father and husband.And he can not agree to those things then tell him he better live with mama because he's not going to have a pot to piss in after he pays his bills.

Anonymous · Answer

I stopped reading at "wild oaks"

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Grown man acting like a child?

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